


Good Boys Don't Cry

by TobiasHankel



Series: Try again, Fail again. Fail better. [2]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Autistic Spencer Reid, Case Fic, Cutting, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Developing Relationship, Dysfunctional Family, Eating Disorders, Flashbacks, Fucked Up, Hand Jobs, Hurt Spencer Reid, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Kidnapped Spencer Reid, Kidnapping, M/M, Panic Attacks, Past Child Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Aaron Hotchner, Rape Recovery, Rape/Non-con Elements, Recovery, Sad Spencer Reid, Scars, Self-Harm, Team as Family, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-25
Updated: 2020-08-06
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:20:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 23
Words: 69,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24366451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TobiasHankel/pseuds/TobiasHankel
Summary: With the court case just around the corner, the team gets called to help with a case that hits a little too close to home for young Dr. Spencer Reid.Trigger Warning: Self-harm,  Homophobia/Gay Slurs, Rape/Non-con, Past Child Abuse, Graphic description of Past Rape/Non-con to a minor, Eating Disorder, Maybe more. Warnings will be listed in beginning notes if needed.
Relationships: Aaron Hotchner/Spencer Reid
Series: Try again, Fail again. Fail better. [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1716058
Comments: 563
Kudos: 796





	1. Damn

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger Warnings will be listed in tags, I will add a warning in the beginning notes if there is something new. This fic will have more of a focus on Reid's past trauma with his father, including flashbacks. As always, be careful.

_Two weeks, One minute and 53 seconds.._

_Two weeks, One minute and 2 seconds.._

_Two weeks, 46 seconds.._

_Two weeks, 13 seconds.._

_One week, Six days, 23 hours, 59 minutes, and 59 seconds.._

Reid took off his watch and threw it across the bedroom. There was now less than two weeks before Reid had to go to Las Vegas and face his father in court. It has been four months since Reid received a notice to appear in court by his father over his childhood home. Apparently his father’s name was still on the deed when he bought it from his mom and despite the fact that Reid has owned it for about eight years now, his father was suing him for the property.

The house had sat vacant since his mother was committed to Bennington Sanitarium when he was 18 but he couldn’t just let it go. The last words his mom said before she was taken away by the hospital staff still rang in his head. _“I want to stay here… Please, these are my things. This is my life.”_ His mom spent most of her adult life in that house, everything she owned was there and he couldn’t bring himself to get rid of it or pack it away in some forgotten storage unit. Besides a property management company that took care of the yard and cleaned inside once a month, the house remained empty. Frozen in time for the one day his mother might be well enough to return to it. He knew the likelihood of that happening was non-existent, but it didn’t matter.

He was not going to let his father have the house. Reid didn’t care about how hard he had worked to earn the money for it, how long he spent making payments, or how much the management on the home had cost him. It was not his father’s anymore. It stopped being his home the moment he left, abandoning his wife and ten-year-old son. Reid had spent the last four months getting the court date pushed further and further away. He hired a lawyer that Hotch recommended to try and settle the dispute outside of the courtroom but Reid’s father, being a lawyer himself, was not having it. He also wouldn’t say why he randomly was trying to get the old home back, not that Reid spoke to him about it. He would speak to his lawyer, who would speak to his father, but he refused to speak with him directly. While William Reid was nowhere as intelligent as Spencer Reid, he was by no means dumb.

With a sigh, Reid climbed himself out of bed and picked up his watch off the floor. His mind automatically kept time once he had seen a clock so throwing it was pointless. He huffed as he made his way into the kitchen but smiled once he saw a little note on the coffee maker, _‘Good Morning baby. I made you a cup of coffee and put it in the microwave for you. See you soon. Love Aaron’._ Hotch had to go into work earlier than normal for a meeting and had already left. Reid reheated the coffee and sat on his large leather sofa.. their sofa.

It had been about three months since Hotch officially moved into Reid’s apartment. He had been unofficially living there since Reid came home so it wasn’t much of a change. They debated getting a new apartment together but Hotch’s lease was weeks from being over while Reid’s had eight more months. Hotch also claimed that he didn’t have much he actually wanted to bring. The first time Reid went over to Hotch’s apartment he was taken aback by how little the older man had. It looked as if it was a display in a furniture store. It was modern, slightly messy, and sparsely decorated. The complete opposite of Reid’s apartment, that was immaculately clean but extremely cluttered.

Besides clothes, Hotch didn’t bring much from his old apartment. His only real requirement was a television. Hotch had a modest size flat screen that he _needed_ to go in the living room. Reid happily accommodated whatever Hotch wanted to bring. While Reid didn’t do well with change and Hotch quickly found out that his OCD effected where everything in his house was placed, Reid wanted the apartment to be theirs, not just his. Reid donated his chess table and chairs to a young man he knew from chess in the park to make room for the television, simply moving his wingback chairs to center around the TV. Reid also donated a large number of his books in order to make room for Hotch’s books. He was thrilled at the thought of reading everything in Hotch’s small personal library, which he did within a week.

Hotch also brought over his own dresser as it had double the space and it worked well for them. Reid traded his large, oversized antique desk for two smaller matching desks with more storage. Everything else of Hotch’s was given to Morgan to use in his properties. The only other difference in their apartment was the large supply of groceries, which Hotch deemed was his chore to buy. Mostly because the few times Reid went grocery shopping he came back with coffee and sweets but no real food. Hotch was quick to find out that Reid really could cook, he just didn’t care for it. When Hotch asked Reid where he learned to cook Reid simply said, _“I read every edition of ‘The Joy of Cooking’ when I was seven.”_

They were both surprised at how they blended their lives together with little effort or arguments. Aside from officially moving in together, their relationship didn’t go too far. They still slept in the same bed and kissed often but that was the extent of their intimacy. They had several heated make-out sessions but that was as far as it went. Both men wanted more but Hotch didn’t want to push and Reid didn’t want to ruin their time with fear or start something and have to stop.

Reid finished his coffee and made his way to the bedroom to get ready for work. Morgan would be there soon to pick him up. Reid was doing much better, but he didn’t want to risk a panic attack from the large crowds of the metro by himself. He went to his side of the closet and took out a pair of grey dress pants, a dark purple dress shirt and a picked a tie at random, a plaid blue one. He looked at the tie for a minute before putting it back and selecting a better matching one. _Damnit Aaron, always getting your way._ Reid thought to himself. Hotch had been pushing Reid into wearing better matching outfits and not just picking whatever was clean. Reid went to Hotch’s side of the closet and picked a black tie with thin gray stripes. _This matches right? Oh well._

Reid slid the pants on over his scarred legs. He hadn’t cut in almost three weeks. It seemed like nothing, but he was proud of it. He was trying to be more open, mostly just with Hotch, about how he was feeling when he felt the need to hurt himself. They would distract him and stay by his side until he was feeling better. It didn’t always work but it helped more than not. He put on his button-up and tie before rolling his sleeves up.

He tried to always keep his sleeves down, but it was well into summer now in Virginia. While the temperature wasn’t too high, the humidity was horrible. His self-harm scars on his arms were mostly faded, only visible in direct light but his handcuff scars were always going to be part of him now. They were raised slightly and darker than the rest of his skin. They were jagged and noticeable, but he didn’t care. He never put much stock into appearances anyway.

He went to the bathroom, brushed his teeth, and shoulder-length golden-brown hair just before his phone went off. He didn’t even read it; he knew it was Morgan telling him he was there. He slipped on his shoes, grabbed his bag, and was out the door.

“Pretty Boy!” Reid heard Morgan yell once he was close enough to his car to be seen.

“Hey Morgan,” Reid said as he stepped up to the car. Then he noticed Garcia stepping out of the back seat. “Oh, hey Garcia. I didn’t know you were getting a ride too.”

Garcia was already riled up, “Junior G-man you would not believe it! Esther didn’t start this morning! I tried and I tried but nothing! Now she has to be towed and what if she can’t be fixed?!”

Morgan chuckled, “Baby girl, relax. I told you it looked like it just needed a new battery.”

“And I told you I—” Garcia stopped mid-sentence and looked at Reid, “Wowww someone looks hot today!” Garcia said loudly while looking Reid up and down.

Reid looked down, confused, and blushed, “These are clothes I always wear.”

Morgan looked Reid up and down too, “No kid, I think it’s the pants. I haven’t seen you in those in a while. They are a bit snugger than you normally wear.”

“Our baby genius has an ass! That extra weight looks good on you!” Garcia said carefreely. Reid sat down in the passenger seat, embarrassed. Over the past four months, he had gained about 15lbs. His stomach was flat, less concaved and boney, and his thighs and butt were fuller than they were before. He shut his door but could hear Morgan whisper to Garcia, “Stop Penelope. You aren’t supposed to comment on an anorexic’s weight..”

Reid huffed at that comment and once the two were inside the car said, “For the last time, I am not anorexic. I just don’t gain weight easily and am not big on eating.” Reid rolled his eyes. He was sick of having that conversation with his team.

“Well, you look good, kid. Healthier.” Morgan said as he pulled off. They never believed him, but they also didn’t argue. Just like his team never commented on his visible scars or flinches.

They got to work quickly; Garcia talked about her car the whole way. Once Reid stepped into the bullpen his eyes automatically shot up to Hotch’s office. He could see Strauss leaving and JJ going in. He watched as Hotch’s deadpan expression faltered for a brief moment as JJ was telling him something. _Must be a bad case_ Reid thought as he made his way to his desk. He sat his messenger bag down and glanced over a file that Strauss had left on his desk before making his way to the kitchenette area for another cup of coffee.

“Oh, Dr. Reid!” Reid heard a woman say once he went into the kitchenette area. “Good morning, how are you doing?” Reid looked up to see Agent Davis, a new hire for the floor.

“Hello Agent Davis, I am well. Just needing some more coffee. How about yourself?” Reid said, half paying attention and mostly looking at the coffee as he was moving to pour it.

“Oh please, call me Danielle.” She said with a smile and she leaned closer. “I am good. I was thinking about seeing a movie this weekend, but I don’t have anyone to go with..” 

Reid was absent-mindedly making his coffee, pouring in sugar, stirring, tasting, putting in more sugar. He wasn’t really listening to Agent Davis, “Well have fun at the movies.” Reid said

Agent Davis leaned in closer and reached out to his stirring hand, grabbing the top of his arm, right over his handcuff scar in a gentle and flirty manner. He automatically jerked away, accidentally splashing coffee from his spoon on the female agent. “What the hell!” She yelled, backing away, and looking down at the coffee splash on her white button-up. “Look what you—”

She started before Hotch stopped her, “Agent Davis, is there a problem here?”

“I touched him, and he flung coffee at me!” she yelled, gesturing to her dress shirt.

Hotch glared at the woman, having seen what happened as he walked up to the kitchenette. “Did he give you consent to touch him?” Hotch asked flatly.

“Well no, but—”

“No. So why would you touch someone that did not say that you could, especially over a scar?” Hotch asked, not expecting an answer. “I will be notifying your superior over this. Nevertheless, send me a memo for the dry cleaning on your blouse and I will make sure Dr. Reid pays for the damages.” Hotch said before shooting Reid a look that told him to follow him.

Once they got to Hotch’s office, he shut the door. The blinds were already drawn, despite them being open earlier. Hotch quickly turned and gently hooked his hand behind Reid’s neck and pulled him in for a soft kiss. Reid automatically relaxed, melting into the kiss and wrapping his arms around the unit chief’s neck. Hotch pulled away and hugged Reid closely for a minute before moving over to his desk chair. “You know Davis was flirting with you right?” Hotch said, smiling at Reid’s confused face. “She has been for since she was hired.”

Reid narrowed his eyes. He just thought she was being friendly. “Hmm.. is someone jealous?” He asked with a smirk. Hotch shot Reid a glare, only adding to Reid’s suspicions. “You remember I am gay right? He said with a laugh.

“But she doesn’t know that,” Hotch said before clearing his throat, realizing how jealous and silly he sounded. “Anyway.. Take a seat please,” Hotch said, sitting down behind his desk. While the two men were in a relationship they were both good at setting it aside in order to be professional. “First, Strauss told me to tell you, and I quote ‘You have an email account, check it!’”

“And tell her that I already told her I don’t do email. Just because she made Garcia make me an email account, doesn’t mean I am going to check it.” Reid said immediately after Hotch.

Hotch fought a grin, “I think you will have to tell her that yourself. Second.. we just got assigned a difficult case and I think you should skip this one.” Hotch said, losing all glee on his face.

“You know I won’t want to skip it, no matter what it is,” Reid said with confidence.

Hotch huffed, “I knew you would say that, but I think you might want to reconsider.”

“The case involves sexually abused children doesn’t it?” Reid asked and Hotch nodded his head yes. “Are you ordering me off of this case?” Reid said, starting to get annoyed with being babied.

“Of course not. I told you I would only do that if your behavior warrants it.”

“Good. Now, do you want me to call Morgan in here next so you can ask him if he is comfortable with cases involving children of sex crimes?” Reid said, standing up. Hotch shot him a confused look. “Well, it would only be fair if we asked everyone if they were okay. Let’s make sure to ask JJ before working on suicide cases or Garcia before we work with parental death cases too while we are at it.” Reid said before moving to the door.

Hotch stood up, “Reid.” He said, causing the young man to freeze before he opened the door. “You know I am just looking out for you.”

“No, you are babying me.”

“I am not. Babying you would mean I wouldn’t allow you on the case, or any of the other difficult cases you have been on in the past four months. I am just being cautious as a Unit Chief dealing with an Agent that was recently on medical leave” Hotch explained calmly.

Reid took a moment to calm himself down. “I will be fine, Hotch. If I have an issue I will stop, okay?” Hotch nodded and watched Reid walk away, moving to his open door to see him walk to the conference room. _What am I going to do with him?_ Hotch thought to himself as he noticed Rossi.

“He will be fine. Kid’s strong.” Rossi said, having came out of his office to the side of Hotch’s office. “And stop watching his ass as he walks,” Rossi said with a laugh, patting Hotch on the shoulder before heading to the conference room.

Once Hotch arrived JJ got started. “Over the past five months, 3 bodies of young boys have been found buried in a large stretch of desert. Two were sexually assaulted with the other being inconclusive due to the level of decomposition.”

“How old are the bodies?” Emily asked

JJ looked over at Reid and then over to Hotch for a moment, as if she were asking if he would be okay, before clicking her remote to display the first photo, a small skeleton in pieces of fabric. “Patrick Hodges, 7. He was killed about 10 years ago.” JJ clicked her remote again, bring up a photo of a small decomposing body. “Timmy Butler, 9 years old. He was killed around two to three years ago and..” JJ clicked for the next photo, it looked recent. “This boy, who was found yesterday, is estimated at 10 years old. He has not been IDed but he was raped at least once. He died about a week ago..”

Reid studied the boy on the screen. He looked thin, light brown hair, tall for his age, fair skin.. Reid couldn’t help but see himself in the boy. He closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath, trying to push away his thoughts and focus on the case. When he opened his eyes, he noticed several of his team members quickly looking away from him. “Ten years, 3 years and a week ago.. that is quite a stretch.. How far apart were the bodies found?” Reid said, trying to show that he was fine.

“They were all found off a good distance off hiking trails. About 2-3 miles from each other. The local PD is looking for more bodies, but the area is quite large.”

“Wait.. so they found Hodges and Butler months ago but the unsub comes back and buries another victim in the same area anyway?” Morgan asked

“Either he doesn’t care about being caught or that area means something to him,” Hotch said. “Wheels up in thirty.”

Reid stood up and looked at JJ, “Where are we going anyway?”

JJ and Hotch share a look before Hotch replied, “Las Vegas, Nevada”

 _Damn.._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slow start I know but just like Revelations Revealed, it will pick up.  
> I wanted to wait to post this chapter until the email issue was fixed and I was told that it has been fixed, it is an email provider issue now. I am still not getting any emails but I am not complaining. AO3 is awesome either way.  
> Make sure to comment, kudos, and subscribe!  
> New chapter very soon.


	2. Sour Breath

The BAU team were all set on the jet, making small talk, and drinking coffee. They had a long flight ahead of them, so they were waiting until closer to landing to go over the case. That didn’t stop Reid from looking over the case files, over and over again. If anyone noticed him obsessively reviewing the files, no one commented.

 _Three boys, two confirmed sexually assaulted, all found in Red Rock Canyon National Conservation Area.. Red Rock Canyon National Conservation Area lies in Nevada’s Mojave Desert. As a range of geographical features, dozens of hiking trails, 2 million visitors a year.. It is 197,349 acres.. large areas that are rarely explored.. I found it beautiful.._ Reid thought, he had asked to go to the park for his fourth birthday. While he wanted to go hiking, his parents decided to just drive him through on the 13-mile scenic drive that cuts through the area. He loved it, nonetheless. He flipped the file to the photos of the newest victim again. His heart hurt looking at the boy. He knew what the boy had gone through before he was murdered, whether he was talked to nicely or the unsub used threats and violence. He knew all of the tricks of a sexual predator.

He tried to take a deep breath and calm himself down, but his mind wouldn’t stop. He couldn’t stop thinking of his old bedroom, the feeling of hands-on him, the sour bread scent of beer on his father’s breath.. the pain. No matter how many times it happened it always hurt. _Hurt.. Hurt.. I need to stop this. Make it stop.. Can’t cry.. Good boys don’t cry.. can’t ask for help, Aaron won’t let me stay on the case._ Suddenly Reid shot up from his seat, pulled his messenger bag over his shoulder, and headed to the restroom. He knew he must have something in his bag he could cut with. Anything.

Reid hadn’t even made it a few feet before Hotch stopped him, “Spencer, where are you going?”

“Restroom.” Reid supplied quickly before starting to walk again but this time Hotch stood up and put his hand on his shoulder. Reid let out a strangled cry, flinched violently, and automatically said, “Sorry, Sir!” Everyone froze, watching Reid carefully. He took a deep breath, “Sorry.. I—I didn’t mean to say that.. I just need to go to the restroom.” Reid said avoiding eye contact.

“Spencer.. why do you need your bag in the restroom?” Hotch asked, giving him room. Reid didn’t answer, just continued to look down. “Sit next to me please,” Hotch said, moving to a seat nearby. Reid went ahead and sat down, not wanting to argue. Hotch spoke in a calm and soothing voice, “Why didn’t you tell me you were feeling like that?”

“I am sorry,” Reid mumbled.

“Baby, there is no reason to be sorry. You don’t _have_ to tell me anything. I just want to make sure you are safe… Can you tell me what is on your mind?” Hotch asked, his voice still sweetened with kindness.

Reid opened his mouth but didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t tell his boyfriend, his boss, that he wanted to cut because his mind was harassing him with memories he wished would go away. That he was thinking about every horrible detail of those times he would do as he was told, be a good boy, in order to protect his mom. _Empty promises and terrifying threats. Bruised throats and hips. Blood on dinosaur bed sheets._ Reid thought as he threw his hand over his mouth and swallowed a gag. He noticed JJ hand Hotch an airsick bag out of the corner of his eye. He focused on his breathing, _In through your nose, out through your mouth…_

After a few minutes of silence, Reid lowered his hand and relaxed slightly. “I—Please don’t take me off of the case..” Was all Reid could muster.

Hotch relaxed slightly as well, “I am not taking you off the case but if this case seems detrimental to your health then I won’t have much of a choice… That being said, I don’t want you to hide what you are feeling from me, okay?”

Reid nodded his head and looked at his watch, still about two hours before they land, at least an hour before they start to go over the case. “Can you just talk to me about anything.. I just want to get my mind off of him for a little while.” Reid said, letting his head fall on Hotch’s shoulder. Hotch gave a sad smile, he knew that Reid threw in the word ‘him’ to tell him what was on his mind without actually saying it.

Hotch started talking about a fiction book that he had been reading, ranting on about the details as best as he could. Soon JJ joined in talking about a book she was reading, then Emily, before the whole team was talking about their most recent book and smiling at the relaxed look on the young genius’s face.

The team made small talk for the next hour, trying hard not to let the jet fill with silence. Soon Reid sat up, “Thank you, everyone. That really helped.. Can we review the case now?”

The team moved around, grabbing files before Morgan started, “So, assuming that these bodies are all from the same unsub, he would have been doing this for at least 10 years now. That is a long time for only three bodies.”

“The Red Rock Canyon National Conservation Area is 197,349 acres. The land is hard to maneuver and easy to get lost in. There could be dozens of bodies and we would probably never find them.”

“What is that in miles?” Emily asked.

Reid looked up for a moment before answering, “308.3578125 square miles,” earning a chuckle from several team members.

Morgan shot Emily a look and they both smiled, “Kid, how many football fields is that?”

“148.98138460144” Reid answered effortlessly.

“What is that in feet?” Emily asked, ignoring Hotch’s glare.

“1,628,129.25”

“Inches?” Morgan asked with a laugh

“1.23789923e+12”

“Ohh what about light years?” Emily asked laughing as well.

Finally, Reid looked up and looked at the two, “Are you guys messing with me?”

“You don’t know it, do you?” Morgan asked.

“5.2455187930523 × 10^-11,” Reid said with confidence.

Morgan rolled his eyes, “Damn, one day we are gonna ask you something you don’t know.”

“I have a doctorate in Mathematics, do you really think I wouldn’t know how to convert numbers?” Reid asked

“Oh, I got one, centimeters?” Emily asked

Hotch huffed, “Let’s get back to the case.”

“49,625,379.54” Reid whispered to Emily with a smile.

JJ laughed before getting back to work more, “Garcia is about to call.” Hotch reached over and opened the laptop on the table, a second later Garcia was there.

“Hello, my lovelies! Not really but kinda good news, they were able to ID the most recent body, Justin Poole. He was only ten years old. He was reported missing 9 days ago.”

“That means that the unsub only had Justin for a day at the most.” JJ supplied.

Emily looked confused, “He kidnaps a child, rapes and kills them right away. That isn’t much playtime for an unsub that has been doing this for ten years. Why doesn’t he keep them for longer?”

Reid cringed when Emily said ‘playtime’ but he didn’t understand why either. “Maybe he lacks a proper holding place?” He proposed.

“But over ten years he would be able to get a proper holding place,” Rossi said.

“Maybe the oldest victim isn’t even related to this unsub.” Morgan offered.

JJ looked back over the pictures of the children, “They all look so similar, they have to be connected.”

“He might have a proper place to hold them, but they didn’t fit his fantasy. If he is going after children that all look similar then he might have an ideal that those victims did not fulfill.” Hotch said, looking up at the fasten seatbelt sign that just lit up, meaning they would be landing soon. “Morgan and Prentiss, go to the burial sites. Rossi and I will go to the corner and JJ and Reid to the police station. JJ, interview the victim’s families. Reid, I need you to start a geographical profile to try and pinpoint where other bodies might be buried.” Hotch turned back to the laptop screen where Garcia was still at, “Garcia, I need you to check if these families had anything in common, even if they never directly met. I also need you to look up all missing children in the area from the past ten years, boys ages 7 to 10. Thank you.”

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When Reid got to the police station, he immediately got to work. He put the board together and started working on the geographical profile. Since he was familiar with the area, he was able to determine what parts of the Red Rock Canyon National Conservation were able to be dug to bury a body. He then went through the details of how the unsub would have been able to move the body to a hiking trail without being seen. He was lost in the taxonomic units of dirt compounds in the area when the team came in. They didn’t take long at the corner or burial scene as there was not much to look at.

Hotch called Reid’s name but he was too focused to answer. He moved himself in front of Reid, between him and the board, in order to break his focus. “Oh, hey Aar—Hotch. I didn’t hear you come in.”

Hotch grinned, turning back to look at the board, “Come up with anything?”

Reid walked over to the map, “These are the spots that the three bodies were found.” He said, pointing to the pins in the map. “The dirt in this area is softer than the rest. There are Aridisols soils, which is Latin for dry. Some of it is easy to move but can have a combination of silicate clays, sodium, calcium carbonate, gypsum, or soluble salts. This causes different forms of Aridisols and can cause a type of cement-like soil when combined with carbonates, gypsum, or silica. The accumulation of salts—” Reid stopped and looked at the team, “I am ranting, aren’t I?”

Both Emily and Morgan said “Yes” at the same time, causing JJ to laugh.

“What can we take away from this?” Hotch asked, looking at the map.

“I have pinpointed some areas that more bodies would be most likely buried. I would like to go out to the search team and explain it to them.” Reid said before the conference room door opened and an older man walked in.

“Oh, Sheriff Bradley, correct? I am Agent Jareau, you can call me JJ. We spoke on the phone.” JJ said, moving forward and shaking his hand.

“Yeah, sorry I am late to the party,” the sheriff said

Hotch walked up to the man next, “No problem. I am Unit Chief Aaron Hotchner but just call me Hotch.” He shook his hand and then looked at the team, “This is SSA Rossi, SSA Prentiss, SSA Morgan, and SSA Dr. Reid.” At Reid’s name, the man turned and looked the young man up and down.

“Reid? Spencer? Is that you?” Sheriff Bradley said, walking up to Reid. He shook his head yes, still not remembering where he knew the man from. He reached his hand out for a handshake, but Reid just waved. The Sheriff laughed, “Still not okay with people touching you, huh? Wow, look at you. You have really gotten taller. Still as thin as ever I see.” He said with a laugh.

Finally, Reid remembered, Bradley was the name of the man that would come over to the house from time to time to talk about court cases when he was a child. “Nice to see you again.”

“How is your dad? I haven’t talked to him in a few years, his firm doesn’t get our cases as often anymore. He was such a great man though, fantastic lawyer, you are lucky. He—” The sheriff said before Hotch stepped up and cut him off.

“Sorry to cut the reunion short but the team needs to get moving to assist the search team,” Hotch said, placing himself between Reid and Bradley.

“Oh yeah, yeah. Of course. Nice to see you again Spencer. Tell your dad I said hi. See you all shortly.” He said just seconds before Reid gave a polite nod, grabbed his bag, and headed for the door. He didn’t stop until he was at the SUV. He put his sunglasses on from his bag and tried to relax. _It is not the sheriff’s fault. He doesn’t know.. He should have been able to see it when I was a child, but people rarely come to that conclusion on their own.._ Reid thought before he saw the team walking up.

“Come on Pretty Boy,” Morgan said with a friendly smile, causing Reid to smile back.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The team split into two SUVs, Morgan, Reid and Hotch in one, Rossi, Emily, and JJ in the other. They stopped for lunch before Morgan, Reid, and Hotch went to the Red Rock Canyon National Conservation Area to speak with the search team. Reid explained to the leader of the search in great detail what they were looking for and in what areas they should focus their search. Reid was thrilled when he found out that the leader of the search team was a geologist because he was able to explain everything without having to explain the terms or reasons behind his plan.

The team spent hours in the desert helping the search crew. Morgan and Hotch did the best they could but it was not their field of expertise. They were both shocked at how Reid didn’t even seem to break a sweat in the miserable Las Vegas heat of the desert. He simply put on a hat to keep the sun off of his face, put on sunscreen, and rolled his sleeves down to shield his skin from the blistering sun. Soon it was getting dark and the team was packing up for the day, despite not finding anything.

The three men piled back into the SUV to retreat to their hotel for the night. Hotch was driving. “What is the next turn?” he asked.

“Two blocks up, Millwood Street then turn on Meadow Ridge Drive. It is easier to cut through that neighborhood to reach the highway entrance ramp.” Reid said, looking at the window.

“Damn kid, I know you know like everything but how in the world do you know the street names of some random neighborhood in Vegas?” Morgan asked Reid.

“I.. Uhh.. My childhood home is in this neighborhood.” Reid said quietly.

Morgan looked over at Hotch, “We should drive by. Just take a look.” Morgan said, knowing that it was the house that Reid’s father was suing him over.

Hotch looked over at Reid, “What do you think Spencer?”

“Next right.. 314 Woolridge Lane,” He said, not wanting to overthink the simple act of seeing his own home. It had been years, but he knew he really should check up on it now that he was so close.

Hotch drove slowly through the neighborhood, stopping at the house at the end of the street. “Is this it?” He asked, pulling into the driveway.

Reid just nodded his head and got out of the car, looking up at the two-story house.

_Welcome home._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love being able to show how smart Reid is.  
> Please Kudos, Subscribe, and Comment!


	3. House of Gold

Reid stood in front of his old house for several minutes while Morgan and Hotch stood next to the SUV. _It is exactly the same.. same dying grass, empty flower beds, and baby spit-up colored siding._ Reid thought before he walked up to the door. There was a realtor lockbox hanging from the doorknob with the keys safely sealed inside. He paused for a moment, swallowing down the lump in his throat before entering in the code and unlocking the door. Once inside he quickly moved to the security system and put in the second code before he turned and looked at the house.

He flicked on the living room ceiling light and stared blankly at the room before him. Everything was just as it was when he left it. He looked over to see Hotch and Morgan coming into the house. He was used to how his home looked but the two men were shocked. Every window was covered with aluminum foil and newspaper, electronics were all unplugged, sheets thrown over the TV and lamps. Books littered every surface; coffee table and side tables were covered with them. There were even stacks on the floor and sofa. Reid walked further into the home to the kitchen.

The dining room table was covered in books and papers. There was only one chair that didn’t have anything stacked on it. Hotch and Morgan watched Reid walk into the room and sit quietly in the seat. “My mom was sitting right here when I came in with two men from the hospital to have her committed on my 18th birthday,” Reid said, picking up a book and flipping through it. “She would sit here for hours, reading, and writing. She filled dozens of notebooks with everything on her mind. I took every notebook I could find and brought them to her at the sanitarium, but she only asked for a handful of books.” Reid said, putting down the book and grabbing a different one, “I send her money every month so she can buy more notebooks, pens, and books.”

“She is lucky to have you,” Hotch said and Morgan nodded.

Reid ignored them and continued to flip through the books, putting them back exactly where he found them. Hotch and Morgan took the opportunity to move around the kitchen. The oven and refrigerator were covered in aluminum foil as well. There was no microwave but instead, the hinges were broken where the microwave would be. It looked as if someone roughly pulled it out of the spot above the oven. The cabinets held only a handful of cups and plates, all of which were plastic and unbreakable. Both men were taken aback by the lack of photographs and homey items. The walls were bare and the whole house felt cold and lonely.

Finally, Reid stood up and moved to the stairs, looking up them. “I was tossed down these when I was seven,” Reid said as if it wasn’t a big deal. Hotch and Morgan just shared a look of sadness as they followed Reid up the stairs. He opened the first door on the left to reveal a master bedroom. He peeked inside for a moment before moving on, passing a bathroom, and stopping at a closed-door at the end of the hall. He took a strangled breath before opening the door and walking into his old room.

The room was small and mostly empty. There was a twin bed with a white fitted sheet, no pillow or blanket, a mostly empty bookshelf with several textbooks and a small empty desk. The closet had been cleaned out and there were no toys or loving items around the room. The only childlike thing in the room was a single glow in the dark star stuck on the ceiling above the bed. “I stopped sleeping in here after my father left,” Reid said as if he was defending his sad childhood room, before opening the window. “I will be back,” Reid said, climbing out of the window and on to the garage roof to see the stars.

Hotch and Morgan knew that that was Reid’s way of saying he wanted to be alone for a moment. They looked around the room, automatically profiling it. “I knew it would be bad.. but I didn’t know it would be like this.” Morgan whispered to Hotch. “And he was tossed down the stairs? I didn’t know that his father physically abused him as well..”

“He hasn’t really told me much about him, but he doesn’t seem to profile that way.. it might have been his mom when she wasn’t lucid,” Hotch whispered back.

“Shit..” Morgan said looking in his closet to see if anything was left.

Hotch looked at the bookshelf. The textbooks were from the late ’70s and early ’80s, outdated even when Reid read them. _He probably got them for free from the local schools or libraries._ Hotch thought. He spotted a notebook between two of the textbooks. He pulled it out and flipped it to the first page. He almost broke down right there when he saw the words on the page. They were clearly written in Reid’s chicken scratch handwriting. _‘Good Boys Don’t Cry’_ was written over and over again. He flipped through the notebook and found that the whole notebook was full of written lines. A few lines were different _, ‘Good Boys Don’t Talk’, ‘Good Boys Do What They are Told’, Good Boys Tell No One’,_ ‘ _Good Boys Don’t Scream’._

Hotch wanted to find Reid’s father and beat him to death. He called Morgan over and showed him the book. “How did we not know about this before Hankel? How could he have hidden this from us?” He asked, not really wanting an answer. He couldn’t bear to look through the notebook, so he put it back and walked over to the twin mattress. He noticed a dark spot under the thin white fitted sheet. Curiosity got the better of him and he lifted the corner of the sheet, pulling it off. “Fuck Hotch, look.” He said.

The mattress was covered with old dried blood spots. Some looked as if they were scrubbed out but still stained. They were overlapping and horrifying. Some spots were large, where a terrifying amount of blood had pooled, while others were quite small. They were all in the middle of the mattress, where his waist would have laid. Hotch’s eyes filled with tears and he automatically put his hand over his mouth. He couldn’t keep his stoic disposition at the sight in front of him. Morgan moved the mattress up, looking at the other side. It was even worse. Morgan gagged and put the mattress back down, backing away. They knew what they were looking at and it hurt their hearts.

Before either man could say anything, Reid came back through the window. “What are you two doing?!” Reid yelled, seeing the two men staring teary-eyed at his old mattress. He moved quickly, covering the mattress back up with the fitted sheet. “I—I—Sorry..”

“Why are you apologizing?” Hotch asked.

“I should never have brought you two here.. You didn’t need to see this.” Reid said quietly.

Morgan shook his head, “No, kid. You didn’t need to live through it. This should have never happened. All that blood w—”

“Stop! Please..” Reid yelled at Morgan cutting him off.

“We don’t have to talk about it. It is okay.” Hotch said, trying to calm Reid down.

Morgan stepped closer, “Why did you keep this mattress though? I don’t understand..”

“Fuck, let it go! He left when I was ten and I had to help support my mom and myself in secret. That means that if CPS ever stopped by then I needed to have a bed, even if I didn’t sleep in it. I didn’t have money to waste on a mattress I wouldn’t use anyway so I had to keep this one.. I haven’t changed anything in this house since the day I turned 18..” Reid was starting to cry.

“You don’t owe us an explanation, Spencer. We know you did what you had to do” Hotch said calmly. He wanted to move over and give Reid a hug, but he didn’t know how he would handle touch.

Reid wiped his face with the back of his hand before leaving the room and heading back down the hall. This time he stopped at the master bedroom door and walked in, going straight to the closet. The master bedroom was just as depressing as the rest of the house. Reid opened the closet and grabbed one of the few items inside. It was a woven unisex brown cardigan sweater. He put it on and relaxed slightly. “This is my mom’s; she would let me wear it from time to time when I was feeling down. She didn’t want it at Bennington though. I have always wanted to come get it..”

Hotch smiled, “It looks good on you.” Silence hung in the room as Reid moved around slowly, looking at small forgotten items in the house that was stuck in time.

Reid sat on the bed, “I would do it again..” Reid said so quietly they didn’t think they heard him.

Morgan looked surprised, “What?”

“If it meant protecting her, I would do it again without hesitation…” Reid said, wrapping himself tighter in the sweater. “I only ever saw him hurt her once. I refused to behave, refused to do what I was told.. He rushed in here and wrapped his hands around her throat while she was sleeping. I yelled for him to stop.. I promised I would do whatever he wanted… He didn’t stop until she was unconscious… Then he dragged me by my hair back to my bedroom and… That was the first night he… went all the way… I was eight… There was so much blood I thought I was going to die..” Reid said, starting to cry again. “When I saw her the next day, she had no idea… She told me about a crazy dream she had where an alien hurt her throat…” Reid was fully sobbing by the time he finished his sentence.

Hotch slowly walked up and wrapped his arms around the young man as he sobbed into his chest. After several minutes Reid started to calm down, “Shh baby, come on. Let’s go.” Hotch said, helping Reid to his feet and walking with him down the stairs. Morgan walked around the house, turning off the lights. Reid put in the security code and Morgan locked up while Hotch helped Reid to the SUV, sitting in the backseat with him. Reid leaned up against Hotch, a sob escaping his lips every few minutes before he fell asleep.

When they got to the hotel, JJ, Emily, and Rossi were in the hotel lounge by the entrance. Hotch helped Reid, who was half asleep, over to the rest of the team, silently getting their hotel key from JJ and helped him to their room, while Morgan stayed in the lounge. Rossi, JJ, and Emily all saw Reid’s tear-stricken face and sad disposition. JJ spoke up first, “What happened to him?” she asked Morgan.

Morgan took a deep breath, trying not to break down and cry himself. “Let’s just say.. Whatever you thought he went through as a child, that.. was a thousand times worse..”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter but it needed to be separate.  
> Side note, the title is from the Twenty One Pilots song because it reminds me of Reid and his mom.  
> Let me know what you think!


	4. Fight

Reid woke up the next day next to Hotch in their hotel room bed. He was confused; he barely remembered leaving his childhood home, let alone going to the hotel. Sitting up he noticed that he was in his boxers and his mom’s cardigan but no shirt. He giggled slightly when he thought of how hard it must have been for Hotch to change him out of his work clothes when he was mostly asleep but he loved the fact that Hotch put his mom’s sweater back on him.

He made his way to the bathroom. Thinking of last night made him desperately want to cut. _Don’t do it.. you are better then that.. No, you aren’t.. You have been cutting on and off for years, this is who you are… Aaron would be so upset, he is just in the other room… He won’t know…_ Reid argued with himself. He went ahead and took a fast shower, hoping the water would wash away how low and disgusting he was feeling. He climbed out of the shower feeling even worse than when he got in. His skin was screaming at him. His mind wouldn’t stop. The curse of an eidetic memory… Being in his old bedroom brought all of those memories that he pushed away come rushing back.

He remembered the feeling of unwelcome calloused hands on his body, how every blood spot got on that mattress, the disgusting bitter and overly salty taste that shot on to his tongue when he was finally finished his punishment. With that thought, Reid threw himself over the toilet and vomited the little food he had eaten the day before, back up. He threw up until his stomach was empty and then he threw up even more, causing the sour scent of bile to fill the room. He didn’t even bother to wash his mouth out; he was up and looking for something sharp. He needed the memories to stop.

He looked around and noticed that his go-bag wasn’t in the bathroom, only Hotch’s. He knew it was wrong, but he couldn’t stop. He _needed_ to cut. He opened Hotch’s bag and pulled out his bag of toiletries, knowing just what he was looking for. Hotch shaved with an old-fashioned single-blade razor and Reid knew that he carried extra blades in the razor case. Within seconds he had it in his grasp.

He tied his towel around his waist and sat on the cold gray hotel tile floor. He was moving too quickly as need was clouding his mind. He placed the razor on his thigh and quickly sliced his skin. _One, two... Not enough… Three, four, five.. More, need more.. Six, seven, almost.. Eight.. Nine.. Better. One more just in case.. Ten._ Reid let the bloody razor fall out of his hand. He felt like he was floating, and his body was buzzing. He looked down at his work, his damage, and knew that he fucked up. Two of the cuts were deeper than normal and bleeding more than the others.

_Great Spencer, you can’t do anything right.._ Reid thought to himself as he grabbed a towel within reach and pushed it on his bleeding leg. He sighed and leaned his head back on the wall. His let the rush of endorphins cloud his mind in a much more pleasant way, closing his eyes and enjoying the nothingness in his mind and the familiar pain his body felt.

He lost track of time, content with his still slowly bleeding work. His mind was pulled back when he heard someone yelling and knocking on the door, “—ncer! Spencer!” It took a moment for his mind to catch up. It was Hotch. He sounded worried, as if he were knocking for some time. Suddenly the door popped open, even though Reid was sure that he locked it. “Holy Shit! Spencer! What the fuck did you do?!” Hotch yelled. Reid finally looked down to see that he had blood soaking through the hotel towel he had pressed to his leg. There was a small pool of blood under his leg as well.

It looked bad but Reid knew that it wasn’t too much blood. He did a quick resurvey of his body. _Not lightheaded or dizzy, not overly cold or sweaty, and I am not confused or unreasonably tired_ , Reid thought before looking up at Hotch. For the first time since the two started dating, Hotch looked angry at Reid.

“What the hell! I was right in the other room! Damnit!” Hotch yelled, letting his emotions show. He kneeled down in front of Reid, reaching over for his leg and Reid pulled away. “Come on, I need to make sure you are—” Hotch stopped for a second when he saw the bloody razor on the floor. “Are you serious? You used one of my shaving razor blades? You couldn’t ask me for help, but you had no problem going through and using my stuff?” Hotch fumed.

Reid didn’t answer as Hotch was starting to scare him. Hotch reached out to look at his cuts again and Reid screamed, “No! Stop!” Which caught Hotch off guard. He looked the young man in the eyes and could see how scared he was.

“Damn.. I am sorry Spencer.. I shouldn’t have yelled at you.” Hotch said in a calmer voice, reaching out one more time.

“Stop! Don’t touch me!” Reid screamed at Hotch, pulling his legs up to his chest and burying his head in his knees.

Before Hotch could say anything there was a knock at the door followed by a voice that sounded like Morgan, “Hotch open the door!” Hotch quickly moved to the hotel room door, opening it but not acknowledging Morgan and JJ that were on the other side. Instead, he moved right back to the bathroom where Reid was still curled into a bloody ball. “What is going on, we heard you both yelling,” Morgan said before they got to the bathroom.

“Oh my God Spence..” JJ said once the two joined Hotch in the restroom. She walked up to Reid and kneeled on the floor in front of him, grabbing another towel and draping it over his knees to provide him with some modesty.

“What happened, Hotch?” Morgan asked, trying hard to hide his anger.

Hotch sighed, “I woke up and he wasn’t next to me, so I knocked on the bathroom door and he didn’t answer. I started to really worry and used my credit card to open the door.. I found him like this and I—I yelled at him. Spencer, I am sorry. I was just scared and frustrated.”

“You yelled at him?” Morgan asked quietly with a bite in his voice.

JJ ignored the two men that were whisper-arguing behind her, “Spence.. I need to see the cuts. I need to make sure you are okay.” She spoke softly. Reid slowly lifted his head and stretched his legs out. JJ carefully removed the blood-soaked towel from his leg and looked at the damage. “Morgan, go find a first aid kit. Hotch, I think you should leave the room.” JJ said, noticing that Reid was starting to shake as he looked up at his boyfriend. “I think you are scaring him.”

“Baby, I am sorry. I didn’t mea—”

Reid cut Hotch off, “No. You did mean it.” He said with tears streaming down his face. Hotch went to say something but Reid cut him off again, “You told me you would never be mad at me for this. That it was my body and I could do what I needed. But you came in here and screamed and cussed at me. You lied!”

“And you said you would try not to do this again..” Hotch shot back.

“I did try!”

“If you tried then you would have come and gotten me, talked to me about how you felt!” Hotch yelled.

“What the fuck am I supposed to tell you?!” Reid yelled back, waving his arms around in frustration.

“Tell me what is on your mind that is making you want to do that” Hotch said, gesturing to Reid’s leg.

Reid pulled one of the towels back over his leg, feeling embarrassed, “I fucking can’t! I saw your face at the house! You looked disgusted when you saw the bloodstains on my old mattress!” JJ cringed when Reid said that, but she stayed quiet.

“I was disgusted by your father, not you!”

“No! You were disgusted by what he did! And I was what he did! Me!” Reid stood up, grabbing the towel around his waist, and making sure it was still tied before he continued yelling at Hotch, completely ignoring the blood that started running down his leg again from two of the deeper cuts. “I know that damn look! I see it all the fucking time from myself when I look in the mirror. You barely even fucking know what happened and you are disgusted! No thanks to this memory of mine, I am stuck with every damn detail for the rest of my life! I know exactly how many times I had bruised knees, how many times my throat got so raw and bruised I couldn’t even talk.. how many times I had to go to school with his fucking semen still inside of me!” With that Reid broke down, sobs wrecking through his lithe body.

Hotch stepped forward to hold Reid but he pushed him off, “Don’t touch me, Hotch!” Reid yelled. Morgan, who was standing at the doorway, put the first aid kit on the bathroom counter and placed his hand on Hotch’s shoulder, leading him out of the bathroom. While JJ got off of the floor and hugged Reid tightly as he cried.

Once Morgan and Hotch were out of the bathroom, Morgan said, “Grab your stuff. You can get ready in my room.” Before Hotch could argue Morgan started again, “Give him time, man. He is going through a lot right now and being in Vegas, seeing his old house and dealing with this case isn’t making it any easier.” Morgan said, earning a sigh from Hotch. He silently grabbed the work outfit he already had set out and followed Morgan out of the room.

In the bathroom Reid was finally starting to calm down, “I am sorry.. I didn’t mean to break down like this..” Reid said into JJ’s hair as he held her.

“There is no need to say sorry. Come on.. I need to take a look at your leg now.” JJ said, pulling away slightly.

Reid suddenly blushed with embarrassment, remembering he was naked and his best friend, pretty much sister, was going to have to clean his self-destructive wounds. “You don’t have too. I can do it myself.”

“Are you uncomfortable with me helping? I can get Emily, Rossi, or Morgan.. I am sure Hotch would come back if you needed him too.” JJ said but Reid just huffed, closed the toilet lid, and sat down. He moved his towel to cover himself but allow his leg to be free. JJ gave him a smile and got to work. Getting a washcloth wet and cleaning off the dried blood. Once they were clean JJ looked over the damage, “Spence, I think you might need stitches on these two. They are deep and still slightly bleeding..”

Reid looked at his leg, roughing pushing the cuts apart to see how deep they were. He knew that she was right but there was no way he was going to go sit in an ER for hours just to get a few stitches. “They will be fine.. I have some Dermabond cut adhesive and butterfly tape in my messenger bag.” Reid said and JJ got up and grabbed his bag, trying not to dwell on the fact the Reid already has first aid supplies for deep cuts with him.

She came back with his bag and Reid found the medical supplies he needed and got to work. Gluing the cuts shut and putting the butterfly tape over them while JJ prepared larger bandages to go over the rest of the cuts. After a few minutes, his cuts were cleaned and covered. “Thank you.. I am still sorry though.” JJ kissed the top of his head and started to clean up as Reid headed to the bedroom to change. JJ scrubbed the blood off of the bathroom floor, trying hard to keep her composure. She saw the blade on the floor and put it in her pocket. She didn’t want Reid to be able to get his hands on it again.

As soon as Reid was dressed, and JJ finished in the bathroom, Morgan knocked on the door. JJ answered before Reid could. “Hey Pretty Boy, feeling better?” Morgan asked, walking into the room.

“A little. Where is Hotch?” Reid asked, starting the coffee pot.

“That is why I am here. Hotch, Prentiss, and Rossi are heading to the police precinct now and me, JJ, and you are supposed to chill here until noon. Then we gotta go to the funeral for Justin Poole and see if anyone stands out. The unsubs burial grounds were disturbed so it is likely he will show up at the real funeral.” Morgan said, getting himself comfortable on Hotch’s side of the bed.

JJ looked unease, “Uhh.. Hotch is keeping Spence on the case?” She asked quietly, fully aware that she was asking about Reid, in front of Reid.

“That is another reason why we aren’t working until noon. We are supposed to figure out if Reid is okay and keep him here with you if he isn’t.” Morgan said, turning on the TV and flipping through the channels.

Reid huffed, “I am right here you know..”

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Morgan’s phone went off right around 11am. He had fallen asleep watching some discovery channel show that Reid insisted that they watch. He looked over to see Reid, cocooned in a mass of pillows and blankets, asleep. JJ was sitting at the small kitchenette table with a mug of coffee while doing paperwork. He groaned and answered his phone without looking at the caller ID, “Speak to me.”

_“Morgan?”_ Hotch said on the other side of the phone.

“Oh hey, Hotch. Sorry. I was asleep.” Morgan said, sitting up and running his hand over his head.

_“I thought you were there to keep an eye on Reid.”_

“He was laying next to me.” Morgan said before laughing, “I swear I just heard you growl. Chill out, man. I was watching TV on your side of the hotel bed and he built a fort of pillows around himself so he could lay down too. He is still asleep. JJ was up though.”

Hotch ignored what Morgan said, _“How is he doing?”_

“He has seemed fine. He made us put it on some horrible show about.. bees or something” Morgan said before hearing Reid.

“Japanese Giant Hornet, not bees” He corrected from his ball on the bed.

“Oh, the genius just corrected me, it’s the Giant Japanese bee,” Morgan said with a laugh.

“Japanese Giant Hornet..”

Morgan laughed again, “Tell him yourself!” He said, holding the phone out but Reid didn’t move. “Kid, he wants to know how you are doing.”

“Is my boss or boyfriend asking?” Reid huffed

“Uhh..” Morgan put the phone back up to his ear, “he wants to know if it’s his boss or boyfriend asking how he is doing..”

_“Both..”_

“He said both.” Morgan relayed back the Reid.

“Tell my boss that I am doing well, and my earlier incident will not impede on my ability to function properly at my job. I will be at the funeral at noon. But tell my boyfriend that I am not ready to talk to him yet.” Reid said, still not moving from his cocoon of pillows and blankets on the bed.

Morgan just nodded, “You get that Hotch?”

_“Yes.. Do you believe he is able to work?”_

“He has never let his personal issues get in the way of a case, I think he will be fine,” Morgan said a little quieter, even though Reid could still hear him

_“Okay. Call me if anything happens.”_ Hotch said before hanging up.

Morgan ran his hands over his head again after putting his phone back in his pocket, “Kid, how long are you gonna be mad at him?”

Finally, Reid sat up and threw the pillows and blankets off of himself, “I don’t know.. I know I shouldn’t have done what I did but I never thought he would have yelled at me.. I understand where he is coming from but.. I don’t know.. It doesn’t matter right now. We have a funeral to go too.”

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The three teammates were at the funeral right on time, having grabbed a quick bite to eat on the way there. They were dressed in the darkest clothes they had in their go-bags and kept to themselves. The funeral had been opened to the public in hopes of drawing out the unsub, but they really weren’t sure who they were looking for. _We know they are a male, probably white. Probably at least in their 30’s for having committed the first murder ten years ago.. That describes almost half of the people here. He doesn’t keep the boys long so he might have a wife and family or be single with a full time job.._ Reid thought to himself as he looked around the funeral.

The priest continued to drone on about the boy and how he is with God while Reid tuned him out. He had been to dozens of funerals, mostly for people he didn’t really know, and he was used to the proceedings. He looked around, studying everyone’s face so if he saw the unsub later he would remember if he were at the funeral or not. Suddenly he got a weird feeling. As if someone was watching him. He couldn’t see anyone’s eyes on him as he looked around. _Maybe I was looking around too much and creeped myself out_ , Reid thought.

Soon the funeral was over, and everyone started to disperse. Morgan and JJ went to pay their respects to the parents of Justin Poole and discreetly let them know who they were, while Reid continued to watch the crowd. He still had an uneasy feeling, but he couldn’t pinpoint it. He looked at the crowd walking to the parking lot and spotted the back of a man that made his heart sink, but he wasn’t sure why. _Average build, older.. at least 40 but hard to say without seeing his face, gray thinning hair.._ Nothing about him stood out. He tried to push the feeling away but kept staring at him walk away until he was lost in the crowd.

“Pretty Boy?” Morgan said, causing Reid to jump. He hadn’t heard him come up. “Sorry, you look like you saw a ghost, what’s up?”

“I—I am not sure.. One man, I didn’t see his face, he just made me feel..” Reid paused. His first thought was that the man-made him feel _bad,_ but he knew he couldn’t use that word. They would all just think he was having another PTSD moment again, which maybe he was.

“Uncomfortable?” Morgan supplied and Reid nodded his head.

JJ finished up with the parents and came back to the two men, “Let’s go.” She said and they started walking through the graveyard. They had parked on the opposite side then where most of the people parked. Halfway to the car, Reid froze, staring at a gravestone. “Spence? What is it? Did you know this person?” She said looking down at the marker.

_Riley Jenkins. Born August 23, 1979. Presumption of Death August 23, 1990. We Will Never Stop Hoping._

“Presumption of Death?” Morgan asked

Reid answered without looking up from the marker, “It means he was declared dead, but they have no proof of death.”

“Did you know him?” JJ asked, leaning down, and straightening the fake roses that sat in front of the grave.

Reid closed his eyes, searching his extensive memory for any hint of Riley. A memory flashed in his mind. _A little boy playing with my father on a little league team. My father yelling to me, “Come on Spencer, come play with Riley!_ Reid took a deep breath, “Yeah.. I think he was on my little league team that my father coached when I was four..”

“Your dad.. coached the little league team?” Morgan asked, concerned.

“Uhh.. Yeah. He wanted me to be more like regular kids so he agreed to coach the team so I wouldn’t be able to skip or sit on the bench the whole time..” Reid said, still looking deep in thought, “I don’t remember what happened to him..”

“How about I ask Garcia to look into Riley when we get back to the station?” Morgan said and Reid offered a small smile in return.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How dark is too dark? Like how many details are too much? I don't want to lose readers because I got too detailed about abuse or rape.   
> Thanks for reading! Make sure to Kudos, Sub, and Comment! I love hearing from everyone :D


	5. Chlorine

When the three got to the station they got to work right away., JJ helped the rest of the team with the family and friend interviews, Morgan called Garcia about Riley before helping with the interviews as well and Reid got to work on a geographical profile of the areas that the children were seen last and working hard to ignore Hotch. They didn’t really have any leads that could be connected to all three victims, so they were having to bark up every tree possible. Everyone that the team could get their hands on that saw the victims before they went missing were being interviewed, it was a painstakingly long process.

A few hours after the three team members got there, Hotch collected them all in the conference room. “The search team just found another body. The body seems to be even older than Patrick Hodges, the victim that was killed about ten years ago.”

“Do they not know if the body is a female or male?” Emily asked

“No. The body is just a skeleton at this point and due to the age of the victim, which is thought to be between 6 and 10, sex can’t be determined. They are waiting for a forensic anthropologist, but they won’t be able to come until tomorrow afternoon. We are just going to have to wait.”

Reid stood up from the conference room table, “I will go take a look.” He said, putting his bag over his shoulder.

Rossi looked confused, “Kid, no offense, but what help would you be?”

Reid chuckled slightly, “I know about more things that just facts, maps, and profiling. I have been learning about forensic anthropology from Dr. Brennan in my free time.”

“Dr. Temperance Brennan at the Jeffersonian Institution?” JJ asked, looking shocked.

“Yeah. I have helped them with a few profiles in exchange for Dr. Brennan teaching me about forensic anthropology, and I am a quick learner, so I know a great deal.” Reid said with confidence.

“I will drive you, Reid,” Hotch said.

Reid gave Hotch a glare, “I can drive myself.”

“You can’t drive.” Emily cut in.

“I can drive, I choose not too.” Reid shot back at her, doing a poor job at hiding his anger.

“Reid. I will take you.” Hotch said in a stricter voice and Reid just huffed.

Before the two left Morgan stopped them, “Ohh Pretty Boy, I almost forgot.” He said, handing a folder over to Reid. “This was everything Garcia could find on Riley.” Reid took the folder and read it all within a minute before moving over to his map. He put a pin in the map and took the compass and drew a circle around it. Then he stood back and studied the map. Morgan walked up to Reid, “What is it?”

“Riley’s body was never found, and he was last seen at this park.. He disappeared somewhere between here and his home, here.” Reid said pointed at the areas on the map. “That means that he is within our current unsubs hunting grounds..”

Emily looked over to Hotch for an answer, but he looked just as confused so she asked, “Who is Riley?”

Reid looked back over to the conference table, making a point not to look at Hotch. “Riley Jenkins. He went missing when he was 6. I knew him, I was four at the time. We ran into his memorial headstone at the Poole funeral..”

“Do you really think he could have been taken by the same unsub? That was about 20 years ago.” Hotch asked.

“Riley fits the physical description that the unsub is looking for. White, slim, brown hair, on the taller side. I think our ages might be off. Just because we only found bodies in the 7-10 range doesn’t mean that was the targeted range… Someone that is willing to molest and kill a 7-year-old would most likely be willing to molest and kill a 6-year-old as well.” Reid explained

JJ moved over to Reid to scan the Riley Jenkins file, “Are you telling us that you think there has been an unsub sexually assaulting and killing young boys in this area for over twenty years and no one has noticed?” Reid just nodded.

Hotch huffed, “Okay. Morgan call Garcia and have her expand her search to missing boys in the Las Vegas area ages 6 to 10—”

“5 to 12.” Reid cut in, avoiding eye contact.

“Five? That is pretty young. The youngest victim we have proof of is seven,” Emily said.

“That is the age that childhood begins and often considered the age range of prepubescent boys. Just trust me, five is not too young for this type of unsub..”

The words that Reid said the day he told him he loved him rang in Hotch’s head, _‘So, when I was five and he started… I would find peace in the stars’… He knows the unsub would molest children as young as five because that is when it started with his father…_ Hotch thought before clearing his throat and regaining his stoic appearance. “Okay.. 5 to 12. But we want names of boys whose bodies were not found or were found at or close by the Red Rock Canyon National Conservation Area. The rest of you finish up the interviews and look through the missing children once Garcia finishes the list. We will meet you all back at the hotel when we are done.” Hotch ordered before the two left.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The car ride to the burial site was painfully awkward. Neither Reid nor Hotch wanted to talk as they were both still upset with each other. Finally, Hotch spoke up, “How are you doing?”

“Fine… You?” Reid mumbled.

Hotch sighed, “I am not fine, and neither are you.. I don’t want to fight with you anymore.. Will you just tell me what is bothering you?” Hotch said but Reid just stared out the window. “Fine.. I will start. I don’t like seeing you hurt yourself. I don’t understand why you don’t just come to me and let me help you. You were going to cut on the plane, but we all distracted you and you were fine. I know I shouldn’t have yelled and I am sorry, but I don’t find you disgusting or weak or any of the other things that you might think I think.” Hotch said as they pulled up to the burial site. He turned off the car but started talking again. “Baby, I think you are the strongest person I have ever met. You are beyond beautiful, wildly intelligent and I love you with my whole heart. I just don’t understand how you don’t see that or why you do that to yourself and.. it hurts. My chest physically hurts when I know you have hurt yourself.. I—I… Nothing you could tell me would make me think differently about you. You can vent to me whatever is on your mind and I promise, Spencer, I will not judge you or think you are disgusting.. Okay?”

The car was quiet for several minutes before Reid said anything, “Okay.. I am sorry for yelling at you.. I can’t promise I won’t do it again, but I promise to tell you the next time I feel like that..”

Hotch smiled and grabbed Reid’s hand, pulling it up to his mouth and giving it a kiss, “Thank you.. Now let’s go.”

The two men walked over to the burial site. It was quite a distance into the desert off of a hiking trail. As they approached, the geologist from the day before came up to them, “Hello Hotch and Dr. Reid. The remains are right over here.” She said, leading the two over to a tarp with a small skeleton on it, next to a large hole that someone was still digging through. “The medical examiner came out, but they didn’t have much luck..” The geologist said but Reid was half-listening. He took a pair of medical gloves from the table next to the body and started looking the bones over.

Reid picked up several bones, pelvis, skull, mandible, radius.. “Male. Seven.. no, eight years old.” Reid said without looking up.

The geologist looked shocked, “What? How do you know that?” she asked.

“The morphological differences in male and female skeletons are easy to see in adults but harder in prepubescents but the pelvis bone is the best indicator. Females pelvis is lower and wider, and their sacrum is wider and more circular. This skeleton does not have that, so they are clearly male. The age can be determined by the teeth. This boy has his adult central incisors, meaning he is at least 6 to 7 but only his bottom adult lateral incisors. This means that the boy was about to get his top lateral incisors that come in at around 8 years old.” Reid said, finally looking up from the bones.

Hotch was dialing Garcia already to tell her who to look for. “Garcia, you are on speaker. Did you finish the list?”

 _“Yes, Mr. Bossman. Have someone you want me to look for?”_ Garcia said through the speaker.

“A male, 8 years old. Missing over 10 years ago but no more than 20” Hotch said

Reid picked up a few more bones, studying them. “He is also white and broke his wrist when he was about six.”

_“I am typing away my G-man and Junior G-man! Let’s see.. I have three white, 8-year-old boys that were reported missing 10 to 20 years ago who were never found that broke a wrist at about six.”_

“Right wrist,” Reid added.

_“Oh, now I have two boys. One was reported missing ten years ago and the other fifteen years ago”_

Reid looked carefully at the texture of a few bones, “Fifteen. These bones are older than ten years.”

_“Austin Newman, eight years old. White, brown hair. Lived nearby and was last seen by his mom before walking himself to school.. he never made it to school. Poor kid..”_

“Thanks, Garcia. Send that info to the team.” Hotch said before hanging up.

Reid took his gloves off and looked over at the geologist. “We will need to compare dental records for a positive ID. Make sure you tell the medical examiner when they come back to collect the remains.”

The woman looked amazed, “Wow.. I—Thank you. That was impressive.”

Reid gave the woman a smile, “No problem. I am glad I could help. Unfortunately, this means that the unsub has been doing this for at least 15 years..” Reid looked over at Hotch, “About 20 if Riley was also a victim of this unsub..”

Hotch just nodded his head, “We will have a better understanding tomorrow. Let’s go.”

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The two men met the team in the hotel restaurant for some dinner. By the time dinner was over, everyone was in a much better mood, so they hung out in the hotel lounge making small talk.

“Oh! I have an idea. Let’s go swimming! This hotel as an amazing pool.” Emily suggested.

“I am in!” Morgan said, standing up. JJ and Rossi also agreed before the team turned to Hotch and Reid.

“Spencer, what do you say?” Hotch asked Reid quietly.

“Uhh.. I don’t have a swimsuit.” Reid quickly replied.

Emily pointed over to the hotel’s shop, “They sell them.”

“Well.. I have a cut on my leg so I can’t swim..” Reid supplied next.

“Actually, the pool is chlorinated and as long as the wound is closed chlorination is even better for cuts than regular water…” Emily stopped, looking at the glare that Reid was giving her. “And I take it that you already knew that…”

“Why don’t you guys go ahead, we might join you in a minute,” Hotch said. Once the team got up Hotch turned to Reid, “Spencer, do you not want to go swimming? You could just say that.”

Reid looked down, “It’s not that..”

“Are you scared to be in just swim trunks around them?” Hotch asked, leaning a little closer to Reid.

Reid sighed, “I am not scared.. More like.. Embarrassed.” Reid said, subconsciously reaching up and touching his shoulder where one of his whip scars wrapped around from his back.

Hotch grabbed and held Reid’s hand, “Oh baby.. You know the team has seen them before.. before they were even healed. They won’t care.”

Reid sat for a moment, clearly in thought, before talking. “What about anyone else that might see? I look like a freak.”

“You look beautiful,” Hotch quickly shot back with a warm smile. “Plus, it doesn’t matter what any random person thinks. They aren’t important.”

“Thank you.. Okay. Let’s go”

Hotch and Reid went to the shop, both picking out a pair of swim trunks, before making their way to the small hotel locker room to change. Reid slipped by Hotch and changed in the restroom where he could have his privacy. Reid put his clothes in his messenger bag before going to the locker room and putting his bag in one of the open lockers with a one-time use code. Hotch was already by the swimming pool with the others.

Reid looked at himself in the mirror before going to join his friends and boyfriend. He hated what looked back at him. His purple swim trunks hung low on his thin frame, clinging to his prominent hip bones. They came just low enough to cover the scars on his thighs, stopping just above the knee. His scars stood out on his shirtless torso. The stab wound he received from Hankel was slightly raised and a dull pink, but he wasn’t upset by it. It looked like a scar that someone would get from a surgery. The scars on his back, however, were clearly from abuse. They screamed ‘whipping’ and Reid hated them. They were all different. Somewhere raised and pink, others were concaved and pale. They crisscrossed in no set order. One laced over his shoulder and another wrapped around his side.

Reid closed his eyes, swallowing down his nerves. _I know my friends wouldn’t care. No one cared about the scars on my wrists when I started to let them show so no one would care about my back.._ With that thought, Reid walked out to the pool. It was a huge outdoor pool and the sun wasn’t quite down yet, but almost. There were a few other hotel guests there, but Reid ignored them, making his way to his friends.

The whole team was already in the water. Morgan spotted Reid first, “Hey Pretty Boy! Jump on in! JJ thinks she can beat me in a race, and you have to join!”

Rossi, who was leaning against the side of the pool, chimed in. “Bets on Reid!”

Morgan laughed, “No way! Look at these” Morgan lifted his arms out of the water and flexed his muscles.

Reid sat down on the side of the pool, “Actually people with leaner bodies are statistically better swimmers.”

“Oh! It is on, kid! Come on!” Morgan yelled with a smile. Reid looked over to Hotch, who was leaning on the side of the pool next to Rossi. He shot Reid a warm smile before going back to his conversation with Rossi. Reid looked over at Hotch and couldn’t help but stare. His well-muscled chest and arms, that were normally hidden under professional suits, glistened from the water and the setting sun. He was wearing a rare smile and his eyes shined brightly. Reid was staring at him, so wrapped up in his looks, that he didn’t even hear Morgan swim up next to him. “Getting a good enough look?” Morgan said, causing Reid to jump.

“I was just… looking at the pool.” Reid lied, badly.

“Sure. Everyone just stares at a pool while biting their lip.” Morgan laughed, “He is your boyfriend, you're kinda allowed to stare. But first..” Morgan grabbed Reid’s hand and pulled him fully into the pool.

Reid hit the water, going under for just a second before bobbing back up, hair covering his face. “Ahhh damnit Morgan!” Reid yelled but Morgan just laughed.

Emily swam over to Reid, “Here.” She said, holding out a hairband. JJ swam over too and started to laugh as Reid struggled to put his own hair up, “How do you have long hair and not know how to put it in a hairband?” Emily said with a laugh.

“Spence, let me help.” JJ moved closer and put his hair up in a small bun on top of his head, letting the short pieces of hair frame around his face.

“Okay, now that Pretty Boy has his hair done, let’s race!” Morgan yelled.

JJ, Morgan, and Reid went to the far end of the pool, and Emily went to the other side to call the winner. “Okay, Ready.. Set.. Go!” The three took off. Morgan and JJ started at a freestyle swim while Reid dove himself under the water, not popping back up until halfway to the finish. He hit the wall several seconds before Morgan and JJ. “Reid is the winner!” Emily yelled

“Oh hell no! How did you make it here before us!” Morgan yelled, slightly out of breath.

JJ leaned on the wall of the pool, “Yet another thing that Spence is better than us at.” She said with a smile, also slightly out of breath.

Rossi yelled over, “I told you he would win! He has a swimmer body.”

Reid blushed but gave a wide smile to his friends. The team all raced each other, even Rossi, until the sun went down. Reid won every time, except once against Hotch, who believed he let him win. Exhausted, the team grabbed their things from the locker room and headed back to their hotel rooms, not bothering to change back into their day clothes. Reid received several shocked looks from people around the hotel but Hotch wrapped his arm around his waist as they walked, making him relax. 

Once the two men got to their hotel room, Reid went right to the shower to wash off the chlorine while Hotch changed into an undershirt and boxers, what he typically slept in. He then climbed into bed and started to read a book he took with him. Reid came out of the restroom a few minutes later, only in boxers, which was not typical of him as he gets cold easily. He climbed into bed and looked up at Hotch, who was leaning on the headboard of the bed but didn’t say anything. Hotch set his book down on the side table, “What’s up Spence?” Hotch said.

“I… umm… Could you take your shirt off? I—I want to feel your skin…” Reid asked, not making eye contact and blushing. Hotch just smiled and slipped his shirt off. Then Hotch lifted Reid’s head up and gave him a chaste kiss on the lips before turning the side table lamp off and sliding down the headboard to lay next to Reid in the bed.

Reid curled right up to the larger man, making an approving hum as he rested his head on his chest. He let his hand dance across Hotch’s chest and down to his stomach, running his fingers over the dark hair that trailed down from his belly button. He heard Hotch make a small hum, so he looked up and locked eyes with him. Hotch rolled over to his side, pulling Reid in close and kissing his forehead. Reid wanted more. He wrapped his hand around the older man’s head and kissed him passionately.

Hotch ran his hands over Reid’s back, making him shiver, before moving his hand up to his long damp hair and running his fingers through it. Hotch moved up, leaning himself slightly over Reid and deepening the kiss, earning a muffled moan from the younger man. After a few minutes of heated kissing, Hotch felt himself start to harden, so he turned his hips away from Reid, as he always did the few times they have made out. This time though, Reid grabbed Hotch’s hips and pulled him closer. Hotch broke the kiss for a moment, staring Reid directly in the eyes, as if to ask him if he was okay. Reid gave a small nod and Hotch swung his leg over to the other side of Reid, leaning fully over him.

The men started kissing again and Reid grabbed Hotch’s hips, pulling him in close. Both men let out a moan when their clothed erections met. Hotch leaned up again, “Baby, are you okay?” He asked. They had never gotten this far before. Reid hummed a yes but that wasn’t good enough. “I need words, baby.”

“Yes, Aaron,” Reid said in a breathy tone before leaning up and catching Hotch’s mouth with his own, taking the opportunity to slip his tongue in. Hotch started to move his hips slightly, creating friction between their covered arousals, making Reid gasp. It was great but they both wanted more, needed more. Reid started to dip his fingers in the waistband of Hotch’s boxers so Hotch did the same thing.

He dipped his thumbs on the side of Reid’s boxers before breaking the kiss again. “Can I take them off?” Hotch asked tugging slightly on Reid’s boxers before adding, “I won’t be mad if you say no.” Reid thought for a second before nodding his head yes. “Words, love.”

“Yes,” Reid moaned out. Hotch had never heard Reid be so quiet. He was wondering if Reid was scared or if he was just embarrassed by his aroused voice. He pulled Reid’s boxers down as Reid lifted up, allowing them to slide off of his body. Hotch leaned up for a second, looking at Reid. He didn’t think he could be so turned on by another man, yet here he was. Reid blushed and squirmed under his gaze, biting his lip.

“You are absolutely gorgeous. Can I touch you?” Hotch asked in a deep and sultry voice that Reid had never heard before.

“Y-yes.. I—I don’t w-want to g-go all the way though.” Reid stuttered out. He was clearly nervous.

Hotch licked his hand before wrapping it around Reid’s cock, who automatically gasped and pushed his hips up towards the touch. Hotch leaned back over Reid before moving his hand. “That is fine, baby. Remember, we can stop at any time and I will not be mad.” Hotch said before jerking his hand slowly, earning moans and gasps from Reid. Hotch loved the sounds he was making. He never imagined Reid was loud in bed, even though it does fit his vocal personality. Reid dipped his fingers back into Hotch’s boxers before slowly slipping his hand in and grabbing the older man’s aching member, causing him to groan.

Both men worked on the other one, kissing, rubbing, moaning, and slowly becoming faster in their movements. They were both close. Hotch lifted up to watch Reid’s face. He lifted his hips up into Hotch before moaning loudly and cumming on Hotch’s boxers. Watching Reid finish pushed Hotch over the edge and he came on to Reid’s hand and in his own boxers. They both took a moment to get their breath back and climb down from their orgasm haze.

Reid slowly removed his cum covered hand from Hotch’s boxers and looked at it, causing Hotch to chuckle as he leaned off of him. “Sorry,” Hotch said with a laugh. Reid shot Hotch a devilish smile and lifted his hand up to his mouth, licking it clean. “Fuck.” Hotch moaned out at the sight, pulling Reid in for another kiss. After a minute Hotch got up and went to the bathroom to clean himself up and Reid slipped his boxers back on.

When Hotch got back he climbed into bed and Reid went right back to laying on his chest.

“I love you, Aaron.”

“I love you too, Spencer.”

They both fell asleep within minutes, safe and warm.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Brimming with confidence from the great night before, Reid happily sat down around the conference room table in the Las Vegas police station. He was determined to get to the end of this case and find the unsub. Hotch started the briefing, “We have even more interviews to do today. We are waiting on confirmation from the medical examiner to determine if the remains that were found last night were actually Austin Newman’s or not.”

“They are.” Reid chimed in and several teammates chuckled at his confidence.

“We need confirmation from the dental records.. JJ, who is lined up for interviews today?” Hotch asked, turning to JJ.

JJ opened up a folder she was holding, “Let’s see.. The locals went ahead and called Riley Jenkins’s family to see if we could prove if he was a victim of this unsub or not. The first person coming in should be here any minute. They are the last person that saw Riley before he went missing,” JJ said, flipping the piece of paper. “The coach of his little league team…” JJ stopped and looked up at Reid. Reid was frozen, eyes wide like a deer caught in headlights. He knew the name she was about to say without her even saying it.

“Who?” Emily asked, not noticing the fear on Reid and JJ’s faces.

“William Reid,” JJ said and all heads turned to Reid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did you all think of the small smut scene? I have never written one before and I figured a small scene after getting over their first fight and having a great afternoon was appropriate. Please let me know.  
> Comment, Sub, and Kudos, please!
> 
> Also, yet another chapter I titled with a Twenty One Pilot song XD


	6. William Reid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Talk about rape to a minor. Read Responsibly!

"William Reid.”

The silence hung in the air. No one was quite sure what to say. Suddenly Reid jumps up out of his seat towards the door, but something caught his eye, causing him to stop and look out the conference room window that was looking into the bullpen of the police station.

There he was. His father. Standing near the doorway to the police station, talking to an officer. Reid felt lightheaded and nauseous. All he could do was stare out the window at the father that he hadn’t seen since he was ten years old. He didn’t even hear Hotch leave the room and tell an officer outside to put William Reid in one of the interrogation rooms for more privacy. Reid watched as a police officer went over to his father, and talked to him for a second before starting to walk with him down the hall. Reid jumped when he saw William start to walk, stop, and look over at the conference room window. They locked eyes and William smiled.

At that, Reid ripped himself away from the window and towards a trash can on the other side of the room, falling to his knees as he threw up in it. When he lifted his head from the trash can, Hotch was kneeling next to him. “Spencer, are you okay?” He asked, handing Reid a tissue. Reid sat back from the can, wiped his mouth, and then tried to speak but no words came out. His eyes started to fill with tears and his chin quivered but he didn’t break down. “It’s okay, talk when you are ready,” Hotch said, standing up and sticking his hand out to help Reid, who stood and moved over to a chair.

Hotch took a deep breath. “Rossi and I will go talk to William Reid. We only need to ask him a few questions so let’s hurry up so he can leave.” Hotch said. Reid wanted to argue but he still couldn’t find his words.

Instead, Morgan spoke up, “Hotch, I don’t think you should talk to him.”

“Why?” Hotch asked

“Besides your connection to his son, I am worried you are just gonna haul off and kill the son of a bitch,” Morgan said, slightly angry. He wished he could get his hands on the man that hurt Reid for years.

Hotch huffed, “I would love nothing more than to kill him with my bare hands.. But I know how to keep my cool.”

“Yeah.. That didn’t help our confidence in the situation.” Emily said.

“It’s better than sending Morgan in there. He already looks angry enough to punch.” JJ said before looking at Reid, who was gazing blankly at the floor. “Spence? What do you think?” Reid looked up and opened his mouth but shut it again. Then he moved his hands up and shook them slightly, the sign for nervous. “It will be okay, Spence. They are just going to ask a few questions about Riley. I know you want to know what happened to him.” JJ said and Reid nodded, taking a few deep breaths, trying to find his words.

The team gave him a minute, watching him as he stimmed more than normal in the office chair. Finally, Reid spoke, “I want to watch.” He said quietly.

Hotch sighed. He knew that Reid could watch safely from the viewing room, but he hated the thought of Reid being any closer to his father than he needed to be. “Okay, but Morgan will stay in the viewing room with you the whole time.” He said and Morgan and Reid nodded.

The four men made their way to the interrogation rooms, Reid and Morgan went into the viewing room first, a second later Hotch and Rossi reluctantly went into the interrogation room where William Reid was already sitting. He was casually swiping through his phone when the two men walked in. Rossi spoke first, “William Reid, my name is SSA David Rossi and this is SSA Aaron Hotchner. Thank you for coming in today.”

William put his phone down and sat up slightly. Hotch wasn’t sure what he expected Reid’s father to look like, but this wasn’t it. William looked.. boring. His hair was thinning and turning gray. He was on the taller side but shorter than Reid with an average build. Nothing stood out about him at all. “No problem,” William said. “I do have to wonder why I am in an interrogation room and being questioned by two FBI agents if I am just here to answer a few questions.”

Rossi didn’t skip a beat, “We are doing a large number of interviews today and we are conducting them wherever we have the room. As for two agents, it’s just the luck of the draw.” He said, doing a great job at hiding any anger he had for Reid’s father.

“Shall we get started,” Hotch said, moving to a seat in front of William and Rossi taking the one to his left.

William didn’t answer, instead, he looked straight at the one-way mirror on the other side of the room. Reid watched from the viewing room. His father was looking dead at him, despite not being able to see him through the glass. William then cracked a small, slightly dark, smile and Reid flinched. He looked over to Morgan, “C-can h-he see m-me?” Reid stuttered out. He was visibly shaking.

“No.. It is okay, Spencer. He can’t get you in here.” Morgan said before they heard William say something.

“Sure, I want to see my son first though. It’s been so long, and I know he works with your unit. I saw him when I came in.” William said, still looking at the mirror.

Rossi answered before Hotch could, “Mr. Reid, if your son wants to see you I am sure he would arrange that. We just need you to answer a few questions about the day Riley Jenkins went missing.”

William finally looked away from the mirror to look at Rossi. “I understand and I said I would answer your questions after I see my son. What part of that confuses you?” He asked flatly. His bold language caught Hotch and Rossi off guard and before they could reply, William was talking again. This time he looked dead at the mirror and said, “Come here, Pen.”

Before Morgan had a chance to tell Reid to ignore him, Reid was leaving the room and going to the interrogation room, as if in a trance. His father told him to do something, so he had to do it. He opened the door and stepped in, shutting it behind him. “Yes, Sir.” Reid said, looking directly at his father but avoiding eye contact.

Hotch stood up, “You need to leave, Reid.” He said, trying to stand between Reid and William but it didn’t stop them.

William grinned and said, “Bonum puerum _(Good boy)_ ” in a darker tone. Hotch recognized the language as Latin. He knew several legal terms, as most lawyers do, but he didn’t know more than that. He knew that William started speaking Latin just so Rossi and himself wouldn’t understand.

Reid wrapped his arms around his waist and sunk into himself. He was still shaking and looked as if he were seconds away from crying, “Gratias tibi, domine _(Thank you, sir)_ ” Reid said back in a low tone. Hotch had never heard Reid sound so submissive.

“That is enough!” Rossi said standing up as well.

“Spencer, come on. You need to leave.” Hotch said, placing his head in Reid’s eye line. He knew what was happening. Reid had been conditioned to follow his father’s orders. He couldn’t help but think of how similar Reid and Tobias Hankel actually were. Both following the orders of their fathers blindly as fear drove them.

Reid looked up at Hotch, making eye contact, “Aaron, I—” he started before William cut him off.

“Pen, stay. I haven’t seen you in so long.” William said, looking the young man up and down while smirking. It made Hotch sick to his stomach. He wanted to beat his face in and make sure that William never looked at Reid that way again.

“That is because you left us,” fell right out Reid’s mouth with no thought. Once he said it he went wide-eyed and looked at his father, who simply raised his eyebrow. “I am sorry, Sir! I—” Reid said in a panic before William raised one finger at him and Reid stopped talking immediately.

Hotch couldn’t hold himself back anymore. He slammed his hands on the desk in front of William and yelled, “Fucking stop! He is not yours to control! Now answer the questions or leave!” Hotch yelled. Reid flinched violently at that, but William barely reacted. Instead, he cracked a smile at Reid’s reaction. _Fucking psychopath.. This man is a fucking psychopath.._ Hotch thought to himself.

William turned to Hotch, looking him up and down as well but he looked disgusted, “You are dating my son, aren’t you?”

“I am not the one being questioned here.” Hotch quickly shot back.

William looked back at Reid, “Pen, are you dating this man?” He asked knowing Reid wouldn’t be able to not answer him.

“Yes, sir,” Reid answered without hesitation.

“For how long?”

“Four months, two weeks, three days, nine hours, and fifteen minutes.. Sir.” Reid said quietly.

Hotch saw something change on William’s face. Where he had been smirking and calm, anger flooded in. “Puer malus. _(Bad boy)_ ” William said with a hiss. Reid looked terrified and he backed up until his back hit the wall. “Meus es tu! _(You are mine!)_ ” William yelled, standing up from his chair and taking a step closer to Reid. Both Hotch and Rossi both moved to stand in front of Reid right before Morgan came in the room.

Reid looked around the room at his friends protecting him. “I was never yours.” He said in a barely audible whisper.

This caused William to laugh for some reason, “Notata sum vobis. Tu mea semper eris _(I marked you. You will always be mine.)_ He said in a vindictive and cocky tone.

Morgan flung his fist into the wall next to him and yelled, “Speak in English you fucking coward!”

Reid wasn’t paying attention though. His hand went straight up to his shoulder. He had the scar professionally removed when he was 16 and hasn’t thought of it since. It just occurred to him that his father’s old scar, even though it was long gone, was now covered by the whip scar that laced over his shoulder from Hankel. This made him grin for some reason. He thought the fact that his fathers work was replaced by another was ironic. He wanted him to see that he was no longer his.

Reid started to undo his tie and Hotch turned slightly to look at him, “Spencer… Hey. What are you doing?” Hotch asked, concerned that Reid was suddenly taking his clothes off. Reid locked eyes with his boyfriend and silently told him he knew what he was doing. He pulled his tie off and unbuttoned a few of the buttons on his dress shirt. Hotch, Rossi and Morgan all clenched their fists in anger as they saw the lustful look on William’s face as he caught eye of the few inches of bare chest that was visible on his own son. Reid pulled the collar of his shirt over, just enough to show the pale pink whipping scar that trailed over his shoulder, right over the mark his father gave him. “Your mark is long gone, _Sir_ ” Reid said the word ‘Sir’ in a sarcastic tone.

William’s face twisted in anger, “You worthless bastard!” He yelled as he flung himself towards Reid, but he was quickly stopped by Hotch. Hotch grabbed William by the collar and gave him one hard punch to the face, causing blood to fly from his nose. William stumbled backward, grabbing his nose as the blood dripped down his chin but he continued his verbal assault. “You think that changes anything! You know your place!” He yelled before looking at Hotch. “And you..” He said in a lower, darker tone, “You like what I made? He follows any order he is given, no matter how disgusting.” William said, taking a step closer to the man that just punched him in the face, leaning in and smirking. “Tell me, does his thin stomach still bulge out when you are deep inside him?” He said in a hushed whisper but loud enough to still be heard by everyone in the room.

At that Hotch flung forward, grabbing Reid’s father by his collar and shoving him against the wall. Morgan opened the door and yelled at the first officer he saw to have William removed from the building. He would have done it himself, but he knew he would have wrung his neck in the process. Hotch moved his fist back to punch William again but stopped when he felt thin long fingers grab around his arm. “Aaron, don’t,” Reid said, stopping him from hitting his father.

Hotch flicked his head back and yelled, “Are you seriously trying to help him right now, Spencer?”

“No. I am trying to help _you_. He is baiting you so that you hit him again. It won’t be justified as defense and he will have you arrested.” Reid said as two police officers came into the room. Hotch slowly let go of William as the officers went to either side of him.

As they started to walk him out, he reached out and grabbed Reid’s shoulder, digging his nails into the space where his mark used to be. He smiled wide, blood from his nose coating his teeth. “Vos esse malus pueri, Pen. Statim poenam exspectant. _(You have been a bad boy, Pen. Expect a punishment soon.)_ He said before Morgan gave him a shove to keep moving.

The officers left with William and the door was shut again. The air was heavy, and no one knew what to say. Reid looked as if he were in a trance again. His arms were wrapped tightly around his torso and he was staring blankly at the floor. “Spencer?” Hotch said walking up to Reid, “Baby are you okay? What did he say?”

Reid blinked a few times before looking up at Hotch, “Uh—Nothing.. C-can I sit h-here for a m-minute?” Reid asked with a shaking voice, already moving to an empty chair.

Hotch silently moved to the chair next to him. “Baby.. Are you still with us? Please look at me.” Hotch asked. He was worried that Reid was slipping into a flashback. After a minute or two, Reid looked up at Hotch, “Hey. I need you to tell me what he said.”

“Vos esse malus pueri, Pen. Statim poenam exspectant.” Reid recited.

“What does it mean, kid?” Morgan asked from the side of the room.

“Uh.. Y-you have been a b-bad boy, Pen. Expect a p-punishment soon.” Reid said before starting to cry. Once the tears started to fall Reid started to whisper to himself, “Don’t cry.. Don’t cry.. Can’t cry.. Good boys don’t cry.” Hotch wasn’t sure if Rossi and Morgan could even hear Reid as he was speaking so quietly.

“Spencer, nothing is going to happen to you, okay? He can’t hurt you. And you can cry. Nothing bad will happen if you do.” Hotch said in a soothing voice but Reid tried his hardest to silently dry his tears anyway. Hotch stayed quiet, giving Reid a moment with his thoughts.

After a few minutes, Morgan broke the silence, “Hey.. Pretty boy… What mark were you talking about?” Reid pulled his still slightly open shirt to the side again to show his shoulder. The three men get closer to see what mark he could have been talking about. At first they don’t see anything but then they see a small circular patch of rougher skin under a lash scar on the back of his shoulder. It was barely noticeable. “What is it?” Morgan asked after stepping back.

“He would bite me,” Reid said as he fixed his shirt. The three men tried not to react. “He only did it a few times.. back when it was just touching and… servicing. But after he started…” Reid got quiet again, tears falling silently from his eyes as his hands fidgeted in front of him.

Hotch wanted to hold those hands, hold him, to comfort him and tell him that he will be safe and that he doesn’t need to talk about it.. but he knows Reid needs to get it out. He had never used the word ‘rape’ to describe what his father did to him. The few times he mentioned it he just says his ‘punishment’ or what he did ‘to be good’. So he tried to prod Reid along, “After he started what? What did he do?”

Sobs wrecked out of Reid at the question. He hugged himself tightly as if he were just going to break apart into pieces if he didn’t. Hotch looked up at Morgan, who looked as if he were about to break down himself. He understood what Reid was going through better than anyone else in the room and that pain of understanding glistened in his eyes. Finally, Reid started to talk, even though it was barely coherent through his sobs, “He.. After he.. started to… rape me…” Reid said, taking a moment to get his breath back to keep going, “He would take me… rape me… from behind and… bite my shoulder. He told me it was his mark… proof that I was his and that I had been bad… I had it professionally removed when I was 16 and almost never think about it but…” Reid made a sad chuckle, “But now Charles’s scar is over top of it…”

Hotch cleared his throat, trying not to let his emotion show, “Spencer.. You don’t belong to anyone. I am proud of you for telling him that.”

Reid continued to look down, “I’m sorry you all had to see that… I—I don’t know how to not do what he says…”

“We get it,” Rossi said

Morgan nodded his head in agreement, “And don’t worry about his threat, we won’t let him hurt you.”

“I don’t give a fuck about myself..” Reid mumbled.

Morgan was sure he had to have heard him wrong. “What?”

“I need to go see my mom,” Reid said jumping out of the seat as if he was just remembering that his mom was the only true way his father would hurt him.

“Do you think she is in danger, Spencer?” Hotch asked, standing up as well.

“I… probably not. But… I need to see her to make sure.” Reid said roughly rubbing his face with the back of his hand to dry his tears. Hotch stepped closer and thumbed away a tear with a smile. Suddenly Reid sprung forward and gave Hotch a tight hug as he began to cry again. “It’s… not… fair…” Reid sobbed out into the crook of Hotch’s neck. Hotch held him tightly, running his hand through his hair while the other rubbed gentle circles on his back. He said quiet, soothing words until they lost track of time and the sobbing subsided. When Reid finally lifted his head off of Hotch’s tear-soaked shirt, he noticed Rossi and Morgan were gone. He didn’t even notice them discreetly slip out to give them privacy.

Hotch lifted Reid’s chin up slightly to look him in the eyes, “Baby, I love you. You are so strong.” He said before giving Reid a gentle kiss on the lips, making Reid smile. “Let’s go see your mom.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was hard to write. I hope I did it justice. Let me know what you think!  
> As always please Kudos, Sub and Comment! :D


	7. Diana Reid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings: Flashback about rape to a minor. Read Responsibly

_“You fucking deserve this. Don’t start crying now.”_

_“What did I do?! I followed th—” **SMACK**_

_“Shut up, Pen and take your punishment.. Or would you rather I go hurt your precious mommy?”_

_“No! No! I will do it!”_

_“Good boy. Get on your knees.”_

_“Yes Sir..”_

_“Don’t fucking gag this time”_

_“Yes, S—aghhh”_

_“Suck… Good boy… Just like that… All the way in your throat… Damnit! I said don’t gag!” **SMACK** “You are worthless Pen! Go lay on the bed, face down!”_

_“Please.. Sir.. Not again…”_

_“You shouldn’t have been a bad boy.”_

_“I can try harder! I will be so good!”_

_“Lay the fuck down and shut up before I fucking kill your mom!”_

_“Y-yes, S-sir…”_

_“Now don’t cry. Good boys don’t cry… Spread ‘em”_

_“Please sir! Please stop! It hurts! Don’t! Ahhh-“_

“Ahhhhhh!” Reid woke up with a scream.

“Shhh.. It is okay love. It’s just you and me.” Hotch said quietly. Reid looked around and remembered that they were going to go see his mom and he must have accidentally fallen asleep in the car.

“I didn’t mean to fall asleep, sorry,” Reid said, sitting up in the passenger seat and fixing his clothes

“You needed the rest. Do you want to talk about the nightmare?” Hotch asked eyes still on the road.

“Not even a little bit.. thanks though.”

Hotch nodded but didn’t stay quiet for long, “We do need to discuss some things Spencer…” Hotch continued when Reid didn’t say anything. “You could take legal action against your father for what he did and said this morning. He pretty much admitted in front of four FBI agents what he did to you and then he threatened you. You could—”

Reid cut Hotch off with a huff. “No. I can’t, and he knows that. He wouldn’t have said anything that could be used against him.”

“He did though, he—”

Reid cut Hotch off again, “No. He didn’t. The statute of limitations on.. rape is only ten years in Nevada, unlike Virginia where it is twenty-one years. He knows that.. He also knows that telling me to “expect a punishment” isn’t really a threat. Besides that, he said it in Latin and as I was the only one that knew what he said, it’s my word against his. The best I could get is an emergency restraining order, and we all know that it is just a formality… I—I should have done something before.. It doesn’t matter now.. I just want to see my mom.” Reid said. He pulled his legs up on the seat and curled into a ball.

The rest of the car ride was silent as Hotch thought about any way possible to get back at William Reid and Spencer thought of anything possible to not think of William Reid. Finally, they pulled up to Bennington Sanitarium. “Spencer, we are here. Did you want me to come inside with you?”

Reid uncurled himself and looked up at the large medical building that was his mom’s home, and has been for years, before looking back over at his boyfriend. Reid really didn’t want anyone on the team to know much about his mother. He loved his mom more than anyone else in the world, but he was slightly embarrassed by what she was like when she wasn’t lucid or was having an episode. He knew it was wrong, that he had nothing to be embarrassed about, but he couldn’t help how he felt. He looked at Hotch, studied the calm look on his face, and knew that he was being ridiculous. “Yes.. but I am not sure how she will react. I.. umm..”

Hotch knew what he was about to say before he could even say it, “You haven’t told her about me?” He asked. Reid shyly shook his head yes and Hotch just smiled. He wasn’t offended. He learned quickly from seeing Reid write multiple letters to his mom at a time that she didn’t know much about his life. Hotch wouldn’t be surprised if Reid told her that he had an office job and only did paperwork, that he didn’t carry a gun, and has never killed someone. Hotch wondered if she even knew about Stephen.. or what his father did for that matter. “Do you want to tell her? I won’t be offended if you want to say I am just your boss.”

Reid’s forehead scrunched up as he thought about telling his mom about his current boyfriend, who was also his boss. “Umm.. No. I want to tell her. She.. Umm.. She can be—”

“It’s okay, Spencer. I know.” Hotch said when it was clear that Reid didn’t know how to explain that his mom might have some strange behaviors.

The two men locked their firearms in the SUV glove box before climbing out of the car and making their way inside. Hotch noticed Reid stop right before getting into the building to make sure his sleeves were all the way down and buttoned, covering his scars. When they got inside, Reid signed them both in as the receptionist made copies of their IDs for the record. They put on their visitor badges and Hotch followed Reid into a large room before they were stopped by an older, balding man. “Dr. Reid! Good to see you,” the man said but he didn’t reach out for a handshake. “Your mom didn’t tell me you were coming.”

“Yes, she doesn’t know I am in town. Dr. Norman, this is Aaron Hotchner.” The two men shook hands and exchanged pleasantries. “Well Dr. Reid, your mother is in her normal spot next to the bookshelf and window. I will be around if you need anything.”

“Thank you,” Reid said before walking further into the room and seeing Diana Reid sitting by a window reading a book. He let out a sigh and smiled before walking over; Hotch followed but stayed a little further back. He watched as Reid walked up to his mom, took note of her book, and started to speak, “Love will not be constrain'd by mastery. When mast'ry comes, the god of love anon. Beateth his wings, and, farewell, he is gone. Love is a thing as any spirit free.” A smiled crawled on to Diana’s face before she turned slightly to look at her son, knowing it was him. “Hi, mom. I see you are reading the book I sent you” Reid said with a smile before moving in front of his mom and taking a seat in a chair.

“Oh, Spencer. What a brilliant mind.” Diana said as she shut her book and looked at it fondly, “The Canterbury Tales by Geoffrey Chaucer, I have read it before but there is just something special about first editions.”

“Yes, ma’am, there certainly is,” Reid said. Hotch noticed a warm smile as he called her ‘ma’am’. It wasn’t full of fear or worry like when he called his father ‘Sir’. It was as if Reid was more than happy to call her by a name that showed her the respect she deserved.

“So, Spencer, what brings you back here unannounced?” Diana asked.

“My team is working on a case in Las Vegas. I—”

“I don’t like you working on things that are so horrible. You could get any job you wanted you know. You don’t have to work for the _government_.” Diana said, interrupting Reid.

“I know, mom, I know.”

“And you are far too thin. Have you been eating?”

“Yes ma’am. I am a healthy weight for my height.”

“You could still stand to gain a little extra…” Diana stopped when she noticed Hotch standing a few feet away. “Who the hell are you?! Are you spying on me?!” She yelled, jumping up from her seat.

Reid jumped up as well, putting himself between the two and grabbing her shoulders. “Mom, mom. Look at me. Hey. He isn’t a spy. I brought him here.”

“You brought a fascist spy in to see me?!” Diana yelled and lunged slightly at Reid, but he kept a gentle but firm grip on her shoulders to keep her from hurting anyone. Hotch noticed several nurses crowd around, as if they were waiting for when Reid couldn’t calm her down.

“He isn’t a fascist or a spy. He is my boyfriend.” Reid said loudly but without yelling back. Diana stopped thrashing and just looked Reid in the eyes. “His name is Aaron. We work together. I would never bring someone here that would hurt you, okay?” Diana took a deep breath and relaxed slightly but stayed close to Reid.

Hotch didn’t move from where he was standing but still introduced himself. “I am Aaron Hotchner, it is nice to meet you, ma’am.” Which made Reid smile at him.

Diana huffed and sat back down. Reid nodded his head at the nurse nearby, as if to tell her that they were good now, before pulling a second chair up and gesturing to Hotch to sit down near them. Diana studied Hotch as he moved next to her son and sat down. “Aren’t you a bit old to be dating my son?” Diana bluntly asked.

Hotch tried hard to hold in a laugh but Reid was offended. “Mother! He is only ten years older than me. That is not that large of an age gap.”

“I suppose. You have always been younger than your peers.. What happened to that one nice boy? He was closer to your age. Stephen, I think.”

Hotch looked over at Reid and could see the sadness in his eyes. “Yes. Stephen. I told you about him in my letters, that it didn’t work out between us.” Reid said, trying to keep a calm and neutral face while talking about his dead boyfriend.

“Oh yeah.. your _letters,_ ” Diana said with a bite and Reid looked a little hurt. It was easy to see that Diana wasn’t happy about just getting letters instead of phone calls or visits. “Why did you leave Stephen again?”

Reid sighed, “He had to travel for work. He is an astronomer. We just couldn’t make it work but he is working with the stars now.” Reid said as if he had practiced this lie before. “It’s fine. I am very happy with Aaron.”

“Umm..” was all Diana said. She looked worried for her son and upset about this new older man that he was seeing. An awkward silence grew as Diana continued to stare at Hotch. After a minute or two, Reid started again.

“I—I.. umm..” Reid started but was struggling to get his words out.

“What’s the matter, Spencer?” Diana asked, finally looking away from Hotch.

“I… umm.. Have you… Dad hasn’t come by, has he?” Reid asked quietly. Hotch was a little surprised that Reid called William ‘dad’ instead of ‘father’, but it was just another way that Reid had to hide his feelings and life from his mom.

Diana looked a little confused, “No. I haven’t seen him in years. Why?”

“He… I saw him today. He had to come in to answer some questions about a boy… Riley Jenkins. Do you remember Riley?” Reid asked.

“Ohh he was a story you made up.”

“No, mom. He was a real kid who went missing when I was 4 years old.”

“Oh, I think you're mistaken,” Diana said, looking confused.

“No.. He was in my little league team. There was a record that dad was the last person to see—”

Diana interrupted, sounding slightly annoyed, “I don’t know Spencer, that was years ago. You know I don’t have your wonderful memory.” She said leaning forward and tucking Reid’s hair back behind his ear. Hotch pretended that he didn’t see Reid flinch at his mom’s touch. “Was he well?”

“Yes ma’am.. He sends his well-wishes.” Reid lied.

Before anyone could talk a nurse walked up, “Dr. Reid? Since you are here, we need you to sign a few things.”

Reid nodded and stood up. “Mom I will be right back.” He said before sliding his hand across Hotch’s arm as he walked away.

He was only gone for a few seconds before Diana started. She leaned up in her chair and looked at Hotch dead on. “He is too good for you.”

“I agree, ma’am.” Hotch said, “Your son is one of the strongest, most brilliant people I have ever meet. I am lucky that he is dating me.”

Diana narrowed her eyes at Hotch, as if she were trying to see through a lie. “Hmm..” Diana started in a harsh whisper, “I know better than to believe the words of a fascist government spy. You might have him tricked but not me. If you harm him, I will scratch your eyes out.”

Hotch knew better than to try and argue against her delusion so he just agreed, “I would never harm him, ma’am.” Once he said that his phone went off. “Excuse me.” He said as he walked away to answer it, seeing Reid returning to his mom on the way out.

Hotch took his phone call outside and by the time he finished he saw Reid coming out of the building. “Are you done visiting already?” He asked Reid.

“Yeah, she seemed to be getting stressed. I will visit her again before we go home. Thank you for coming with me.” Reid said as he leaned against Hotch, wrapping his arm into Hotch’s. “Was that something about the case?

Hotch leaned over and kissed Reid on the forehead before they started walking to the car. “Yeah, they found another body at the Red Rock Canyon National Conservation Area. With the help of Garcia’s list, they believe it is Steve Phillips, an 8-year-old that went missing about 6 years ago. They also were able to confirm that the body we looked at yesterday was indeed Austin Newman.” _Yesterday.. It has only been one day since they went to help identify that little body.._ Reid thought as he got into the car.

Hotch noticed Reid’s stressed out face, “What is it?” 

“I just realized everything that has happened in the past 24 hours… You met both of my parents, punched one and was screamed at by the other and we…” Reid stopped and started to blush, making Hotch chuckle.

“Gave each other hand jobs?” Hotch finished Reid’s sentence and Reid’s eyes got wide and his blush deepened as if he was embarrassed someone would hear him in the otherwise empty car. Hotch laughed again. “I meant to ask you about that.. Was that okay? I didn’t make you uncomfortable, did I?”

Reid smiled at Hotch’s concern. He hated that his boyfriend had to walk on eggshells around him when it came to anything even remotely sexual, but he loved how much care Hotch put into making sure Reid felt safe. “It was perfect, Aaron. Thank you.. For everything.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter took longer than I expected. I accidentally triggered myself by writing the dream in the beginning so I had to take a break.  
> Let me know what you think! Thanks!


	8. My Blood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Graphic description of rape to a minor.

Hotch and Reid stopped for lunch before making their way back to the station from visiting Diana Reid. Despite Hotch telling Reid that he really should take the rest of the day off, he was too stubborn to listen. Once the two men got back to the station, the whole team, including Garcia on video chat, met in the conference room to debrief about the case. Hotch started first, “What do we have so far?”

JJ opened up her file and started next, “We have five bodies found in Red Rock Canyon National Conservation Area. All strangled. All were fair-skinned white boys with brown hair, thin and on the taller side for their age. Austin Newman, 8, murdered about 15 years ago, Patrick Hodges, 7, murdered about 10 years ago, Steve Phillips, 8, murdered about 6 years ago, Timmy Butler, 9 years old, murdered two to three years ago and most recent, Justin Poole, 10 years old murdered about a week ago..” JJ finished the list and looked down with a sad look. Cases that involved children were always the hardest.

Emily went ahead next, “Only two of the bodies have confirmed sexual assault. Sexual assault could not be determined in the other bodies due to decomp. However, the ME did state that there were bloodstains around what was left of the seat of Steve Phillips’s pants.. So, he was probably raped as well.” All eyes turned to Reid for a moment, silently checking to make sure he was alright. He was bouncing his knee in a fast but rhythmic motion, wringing his hands together and apart and biting his lip nervously but he looked focused, so they kept going.

“Baby Girl, have you found any correlation between the families?” Morgan asked, looking at the computer.

“Oh, my beautiful hunk of divine chocolate, I wish I did. Some of these boys went missing before computers were really even a thing so the records are horrible. From what I see, besides living close, no one really had anything in common. Two of the boys went to the same elementary school but not at the same time so I don’t—”

Hotch cut her off, “It’s something that we will still have to look into. We don’t have any leads and due to the time gaps between the children, it could be over a year before he strikes again.”

A wave of worry ran over everyone’s face as they realized that the unsub could very well go back underground and stay undetected for years. “Garcia, have you had any luck with missing boys in the area?” Reid asked, causing everyone to look up.

“Let’s see Boy Wonder. I went back 25 years like you said and only looked into missing boys who were never found and fit the same MO. I have a few names; I will fax them over.” Garcia said

“Thank you Garcia. I need you to keep looking into any connections between the victims and send them to us right away, no matter how small.” Hotch said

“Sure thing Bossman!” Garcia said before hanging up.

The team continued to talk about the details of the case, trying to come up with a profile but Reid couldn’t get his attention back. He was vaguely aware of his team talking around him as his mind flipped through memories of the day. The visit with his mom wasn’t bad, it could have gone worse but his father, he couldn’t get the interaction out of his mind. _It was barely even 100 words, 400 characters, less than 10 minutes of time.. I didn’t even get to ask him about why he is suing me for our old house.. How am I going to be able to face him in court? All he would have to do is tell me what to do and I will do it. Fucking pathetic. He said, ‘Come here, Pen.’ And I was practically running to him. He asked me a question and I answered. He said anything and I said ‘Yes, Sir.’ I fucking hate this. I know he can’t hurt me or my mom. I am an FBI agent and she is in a secure facility. This isn’t fair.._ Reid thought as his team continued to debate the unsub.

Several team members noticed Reid blankly staring at his folder but didn’t comment. His eyes weren’t glazed over, and he still looked relatively calm, so they didn’t bring it up. Reid tried to focus. Tried to think about the details of the case, to focus on something other than his father. He looked down at the photos of the most recent murder victim. His small body was bloody, abused and covered in dirt. He saw something on the boy, but he couldn’t figure out what it was. Then the words his father told him that morning rang in his head, _"Bad boy!...You are mine!...I marked you. You will always be mine." I am still his.. I followed his orders just like before._

Reid moved his hand and ran it over the back of his shoulder where his father’s mark used to be. _I swear I can still feel it. It is long gone; it was forgotten about years ago, but I still feel his teeth. I can hear his laugh.. Stop Spencer… Think of something else… Damnit! Make it stop…_ Reid looked at Hotch with a desperate gaze, but it was too late. He was already falling out of reality and back into his childhood hell.

*

“Please stop, Sir. I already did my punishment this morning!” Reid yelled from his ten-year-old body. He was naked, shaking and holding back tears. He didn’t want to be here. He knew it wasn’t real. His mind was just reliving the past but that didn’t make it stop.

“Will you shut the fuck up for once, Pen. So Worthless. I thought you were a genius or something, huh? You were a bad boy again. Now get on the bed!” His father shouted at him while wearing that same sinister grin he always wore when they were alone. Reid silently did as he was told, climbing his small self on to his own mattress and laying flat on his stomach. “Good boy. Now..” He felt the mattress dip as his father climbed on. “Because you were so good this morning and swallowed me down so nice without gagging, I will help with your punishment tonight.”

Reid laid there, trying to force himself to snap out of this old nightmare but the memory just kept playing. He felt his father spread his legs roughly. Then he spread his cheeks and rubbed something cold on his hole before pushing a single finger in, coating his insides. “There. That should help you, what do you say?”

“T-t-thank you, Sir..” Reid forced out before he was brutally impaled. He tried hard to hold his tongue, to not scream or cry. He forced his mind to go somewhere else like he always did. He would focus on books he read or the time he spent with his mom while the man that was supposed to love and protect him pumped himself in and out of his small abused body.

“Good boy, taking all of me without crying. Good Pen. Now who’s are you?” William said, with a heavy and out of breath voice, never stopping his abuse.

“I-I-I am.. ahh.. yours, Sir.” Reid managed to get out between thrusts. Once he did his father wrapped his large hand around his neck, choking him and causing him to lean backwards off the bed enough for William to sink his teeth into his shoulder, over the wound that was already there. Reid wanted to scream but his airway was blocked. William continued to bite him until he finally finished inside his son. Reid didn’t bother to move as his father climbed off of the mattress. He knew what he was expected to say so he said it, “Thank you, Sir. I deserved that.” He said in a small and robotic voice. He heard his father laugh before zipping his pants and leaving the room.

Reid laid there, unmoving on his bed as his own father’s semen started to leak out of him. He knew there was probably blood as well but he didn’t care to move. He could feel the blood running down his back from his shoulder. He couldn’t escape this hell as a child, and he can’t escape it in flashback form either. Reid started to cry, sobbing silently as his body screamed at him in pain. Reid could feel himself slipping to sleep as he cried. When he did he swore he could hear someone. “Spencer.. Baby.. Come on.” The voice was far away and muffled. “Spence… You are safe… You aren’t there anymore.” Reid knew that voice. It was Hotch. He needed to go back to him. He needed to be safe again. “Open your eyes, please baby.” With that Reid flicked his eyes open.

*

Reid looked around the room. He wasn’t in his childhood bedroom anymore; he was back in the conference room in the Las Vegas police station. He wasn’t in his chair though, he was on the floor, laying down. He sat up and looked around and saw his whole team looking at him. Hotch was the closest, kneeling near his head, while the others were backed closer to the wall. Tears were running down JJ’s cheeks. “What happened? JJ are you okay?” Reid asked and JJ quickly tried to dry her tears.

Hotch grabbed Reid’s hand, “You had a flashback. You were talking to yourself and after a few minutes you passed out.. Are you okay?”

“Y-yeah.. what did I say?” Reid asked, sitting up. JJ came over and handed him a water bottle. It was clear that no one wanted to tell him what he said but JJ spoke up first.

“You didn’t deserve any of that.. You weren’t bad! You were just a child and shouldn’t have had to thank that bastard for hurting you.” JJ said as a few more tears ran down her cheeks. It answered his question. Everything he said in his flashback he said out loud.

Reid moved to stand and Hotch helped him to his feet. “I am sorry…”

“There is no reason to be sorry,” Hotch said, pulling Reid into a hug. “We need to call it a day. I am going to take you to the hotel while the rest of the team finishes the profile.”

“No! I can work! Please Si—Hotch.. Sorry..” Reid said.

Hotch sighed, “You need rest. Come on.”

“But..” Reid started before moving back over to his case file. “There was something here..” Reid flipped through the photos of the latest victim again. Then he saw it. He put the picture in the middle to the table and flipped open the ME report. “Justin Poole, 10 years old. Aside from the sexual assault, there were self-defense wounds, bruising around hips and wrists, and an elongated circular mark, 51.3 mm in diameter, on the right shoulder, similar to a bite mark. However, no DNA or teeth marks were present.” Reid read out from the report before pointing to the mark that was visible in the picture before automatically moving to hold where his mark was.

Hotch, Rossi, and Morgan understood what he was trying to say but Emily and JJ didn’t. “I don’t get it, Reid. They didn’t get anything from the mark so why is it important.” Emily asked.

“It’s the same spot my father used to bite me when he raped me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shorter chapter than I wanted but I needed an update. I had to take a break from writing this past week but I think I am past it.   
> Let me know what you think! Kudos, Comment, and Sub!  
> Also, yet another Twenty One Pilot title :D


	9. Hands and Teeth

“It’s the same spot my father used to bite me when he raped me.”

JJ covered her mouth with her hand and Emily tried to not react. “Reid.. what are you trying to say?” Emily asked. She wasn’t sure if he was trying to just share what sent him into a flashback or if he was trying to say that his father was possibly the unsub.

“I—I don’t know.. It all seems too.. similar.” Reid said, still looking at the case file.

“Are you trying to say that you believe your father could be the unsub?” Hotch asked gently. And Reid nodded his head yes.

“Kid, I know you hate him, we all do. He did horrible things, but do you really think he could have murdered these boys?” Morgan asked.

Reid thought for a moment, thinking about his father’s behavior. “Yes. He shows the classic traits of psychopathy and is a preferential pedophile.” Reid said before there was an awkward silence.

“Not to play the devil’s advocate,” Rossi said. “But you haven’t talked with him for more than 10 minutes in almost two decades. You can’t profile his behavior from how he was when you were a child.”

“I can too! He is superficially charming, has a grandiose sense of self-worth, he pathologically lies, he is cunning and manipulative, lacks remorse, is emotionally shallow, callous and downright cruel!” Reid said just below a yell.

“But he also doesn’t have many of the other signs, like impulsivity, irresponsibility, lack of behavioral control. He purposely used a different language while talking to you to keep us from understanding him. He only became impulsive when you talked back, and his anger grew. Even then he planned what he was going to say to Hotch in order to gain control again.” Rossi said

“So what? He is an organized psychopath.” Reid shot back.

Hotch walked up to Reid, “Spencer.. You know we can’t form a profile around a person. I think you are too close to this.”

“I am not!” Reid huffed. He was clearly exhausted, and it was taking a toll on his attitude.

“I am sorry, kid, but to me, he just seemed like a fucked-up man with an obsession with you.” Morgan said, “Once he knew you were there he was unable to move on. Our profile points to a preferential offender with a type. Your dad was married, most likely had other adult partners beforehand and after he left. That sounds more like a situational offender. He took advantage of the situation your mom and you were in.” Morgan said in the nicest way he could, but Reid just looked even more upset.

JJ started before Reid could, “Okay, okay. Our profile is still incomplete. Let’s at least see why Spence thinks it could be William Reid.”

Reid sighed and tried to calm down, “First, the children are all within the same age I was when my father started with me.”

Emily started to write something down while asking, “seven to ten years old?”

“Uhh.. five to ten but the ages are close enough.” Reid said, ignoring the shocked look on several of his team members’ faces.”

“That is another thing,” Rossi said. “Pre-pubescent preferential pedophiles do not normally go younger than seven and seven is the age of the youngest victim we have.”

“No, six. We—”

Hotch cut Reid off, “You know we cannot count Riley Jenkins as a victim without more evidence. His body has yet to be found and the search team is almost done with their search of the conservation area.”

Reid wanted to argue back but he just ignored him instead. “Next we have the fact that they all look the same, which was how I looked like when I was that age.”

“Those are pretty common physical features for the area though,” Emily added.

Reid just huffed because he knew she was right. “And then the bite mark..” Reid said, moving his hand to hold the ghost of a scar he had again.

JJ picks up the case file and skims through it, “So they can’t confirm it was a bite mark because of the lack of teeth marks and DNA?”

“Which is bull shit!” Reid yelled, surprising everyone and making them look up. “Any medical examiner with merit would know that a 51.3 mm semi-circular wound is the average size of an adult male’s bite, especially given the location of the bite. And of course, the wound would not have DNA! He was buried in Aridisols soil. It is dry and fine. It would have muddied any saliva available, breaking it down into nothing in less than a day.” Reid ranted angrily, moving his arms around in wide gestures as he spoke.

He continued, “Also, most bodies that are found after a week would not have teeth imprints! The bacterial bloat stage of decomposition starts 24 to 72 hours after death and the process was sped up due to the dry heat in the desert. The body would have quickly started to produce nitrogen, hydrogen sulfide, methane, and carbon dioxide, causing the body to bloat, filling the skin with fluids, and filling in any fine teeth indentations until the body—”

“Spencer.” Hotch tried to stop him from ranting but he kept going.

“had too much pressure. The fluids then would have pushed their way through the nose, mouth, and anus, further destroying any DNA that might have been present from anal penetrative rape. The report states that DNA was not found, the only sign of sexual assault was the tissue damage—”

“Reid.” Hotch tried again as Reid continued to rant, speaking almost too fast for anyone to keep up.

“which makes sense as there were no signs of sexual lubrication products found. It would make it possible for a blunt tool to have been used except for the fact that there were several bruises around the victim’s hips, which is also consistent with rape by another person, not a tool. That is also a sign that it is William Reid because—”

“Reid!” Hotch yelled again and Reid finally stopped, looking up at the uneasy faces of his team members.

“Sorry..” Reid said before gathering some papers and office supplies haphazardly, throwing them in his messenger bag and rushing out the door.

Once the door shut Emily spoke, “I don’t think I want to know why the lack of lube makes him think it is his father..” Hotch just shook his head.

Hotch straightened himself out, holding on to his stoic face, before addressing the team. “I do not want anyone to think of possible suspects right now. There is a very small possibility that William Reid is our unsub. I believe Reid is just overworked and scared. His father threatened him this morning and we talked about legal proceedings and nothing substantial can be done. He might just be grasping at straws.. I want you all to finish the profile and deliver it. I am going to go ahead and take Reid to the hotel.” Hotch said before making his way out the doors and to the SUV, where he found Reid, sitting in the passenger seat.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The car ride to the hotel was silent. Hotch tried to talk a few times but it was clear that Reid was shut down. He put his sunglasses on and was stimming quietly. Once Hotch pulled up to the hotel, Reid jumped out right away, making his way to the hotel room before Hotch even had time to put the car in park. Hotch unlocked their shared hotel room but didn’t see Reid, instead, he heard the shower running.

Once Reid got into the hotel room he went right to the bathroom, not even bothering to take off his messenger bag or shoes. He locked the bathroom door behind him, and threw his bag on the floor, causing most of the items to fall out. He roughly kicked off his shoes and pulled off his clothes, not caring where they landed, before turning the water on to the shower. He was angry and his skin felt on fire. He could feel his father’s hands on him, biting his shoulder all over again.

Reid grabbed a washcloth and got in the shower, scrubbing every inch of his skin. He felt used and disgusting. Having seen his father made everything a million times worse. The hot water quickly ran out so he turned it off, cursing at the shower knob as if it could hear him. He wrapped a towel around his waist and dried his hair with another. His skin was crawling, just like it was the last time he cut in that bathroom. He looked down at his messenger bag, _I must have something I could use to cut in there._ Reid thought but before he could open the bag, he spotted it. A small single blade pencil sharpener had fallen out of his bag when he tossed it to the ground. He didn’t even remember putting it in there. _I must have accidentally grabbed it when I took stuff from the conference room._

With little thought, Reid was picking it up and using his thumbnail to unscrew the small screw that held the blade on the cheap plastic sharpener. After a few tries he was able to unscrew the blade. He quickly ran it under water, cleaning off any wood shavings. He pushed it against his wrist but before he could make a slash a different memory came into his mind. The memories of the last time he cut in that hotel bathroom. The scared look at Hotch’s face when he came in and saw him covered in his own blood. The pain in his voice when he told him how his self-harm affected him. _“My chest physically hurts when I know you have hurt yourself..”_ Hotch’s words echoed in his mind before the thought of what he said back to him came. _“I can’t promise I won’t do it again, but I promise to tell you the next time I feel like that..” Damnit! I can’t do this!_ Reid thought, pulling the razor away from his wrist.

There was a small dot of blood from where he held the razor down but nothing else. He still felt guilty. His skin was still burning, itching to be cut but he couldn’t bring himself to do that to Hotch. He promised he would at least talk to him about it. Reid started to cry before he walked out of the bathroom to find Hotch, razor blade still in his hand.

Hotch was sitting up on the bed in his boxers and a t-shirt reading a book and looked up when he saw Reid leaving the bathroom. “Baby, are you okay?” Hotch asked when he noticed him crying. He closed his book and moved to the edge of the bed.

Reid silently walked up to him and held out the razor before a sob broke through his lips. “I couldn’t do it… I want too! I just.. couldn’t break my promise…” Reid said between sobs.

Hotch took the razor from Reid and set it on the nightstand before pulling Reid into a hug and talking softly, “Shh.. I am very proud of you. Thank you for not cutting yourself and coming to me first. You are so strong.” Reid held on to Hotch for several minutes before Hotch felt Reid’s still damp skin get cold. “Love, come on. Let’s lay down.” Hotch moved back on the bed, giving Reid space to lay down where he was sitting before covering him up in a blanket. “Talk to me. It will help.” Hotch said laying down. Once he laid down, Reid moved in closer to lay on his chest.

Reid silently cried for several more minutes before calming down some and finally speaking, “I—I’m sorry..”

“You have no reason to be sorry,” Hotch said, rubbing circles on Reid’s back, ignoring the rough feeling scars, and instead treasuring the warmth of his skin.

“I.. I… Umm..” Reid started to stutter out, but he couldn’t find the right words.

“Shh.. Close your eyes,” Hotch said, waiting until Reid’s eyes were closed before continuing, “Good. I want you to think about how you were feeling in the bathroom. You took a shower; the feeling was there. Something was in your mind that pushed you to want to cut, what is it?” He said gently as if he was talking to a victim during a case.

Reid kept his eyes closed and focused on what he was thinking in the shower. _His hands. His teeth. His—_ Reid flung his eyes open. “I could feel him on me…” Reid said, hugging on to Hotch’s chest a little tighter.

“Spencer.. Let me ask a question. I know you used to cut some, but you stopped.” Hotch said.

“That’s not a question, Aaron,” Reid said before Hotch could finish, making him chuckle slightly.

“I was getting there. What did you use to do? I mean, when this would happen to you before, how did you cope?” Hotch asked

Reid grew quiet. It was a good question, but he wasn’t sure he knew the answer. “I—I… It wasn’t like this before.. Before Tobias Hankel I mean. I had struggles but I tried so hard to repress everything.. After my father left, everything was better. I was terrified that he would just show back up one day but I had so many other things to worry about.. I was starting high school. My mom wasn’t doing well.. We had bills and housework and.. It was a lot, but it was better. I would cut sometimes but… After Tobias.. The rape, the drugs.. Gideon leaving…” Reid stopped, rubbing a tear away with the backside of his hand.

“It was just too much.” Hotch filled in and Reid nodded yes against Hotch’s chest. He kissed Reid’s forehead and waited until he stopped crying before talking again. “When.. When you were with Stephen..”

Hotch felt Reid’s body tense up. “What about it?”

“It’s just.. I remember you telling me that you never told him about your father, so.. how..”

Reid started before Hotch could finish, “How were we intimate without me freaking out?”

“Well I wasn’t going to ask it like that, but yeah. I am just wondering what you did to cope then. Did you cut then? Did he do something that I am not doing?” Hotch asked. He had known Reid for years but only dated him for not even five months. He knew that Reid loved him, but the relationship could be awkward at times. He always worried he was going to hurt or trigger Reid in some way, so he tried to keep some distance. He had always wondered if Stephen acted different, better, then he did to Reid.

Reid took a deep breath before speaking, “No, I didn’t cut when I dated him.. But Aaron, I love you. Please do not compare yourself to him. You are doing nothing wrong. You’re perfect.” He chuckled slightly when he heard Hotch huff, knowing that the older man was frustrated that Reid was able to figure out why he asked that so easily. Reid opened and shut his mouth a few times before speaking, “Did you know that victims of sexual abuse are 10 times more likely to use illegal drugs and male adult child sexual abuse victims are 2.6 times more likely to report substance use problems than the rest of the population.”

Hotch furrowed his brow. He wasn’t sure where Reid was going with this, “No, I didn’t know that.”

“Did you know that 64.6 percent of people that have struggled with drug addiction in some form have also struggled with self-harm?” Reid said as plainly as he does when he states facts at work.

“No, Spencer..”

“Also 94% of people who are raped experience symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder during the two weeks following the rape but only 30% report symptoms of PTSD nine months after the rape, with the number lowering as time moves on.” Hotch just shook his head and continued to listen to the strange ramble. “And children who have been sexually abused have over three times as many sexual behavior problems as children who have not been sexually abused. Meaning they are often more promiscuous or abstinent than others.”

“I love listening to you ramble, but I am afraid I am not understanding the point..” Hotch said

“I am saying that when I dated Stephen, I was better. It was eight years since the last time I saw my father and my PTSD was almost nonexistent. I repressed most of it, trying hard to never give it any thought but when I did have problems.. When I could feel his hands on me.. I turned to a different form of comfort..” Reid moved even closer to Hotch, turning his face down as if he were embarrassed. “I would.. umm.. replace those hands with Stephen’s..”

Hotch tried not to laugh at the shy statement. “Baby, are you trying to tell me that you used sex for comfort? Because there is nothing wrong with that. You don’t have to justify your actions with statistics.”

“Well.. sexual activity. We.. Umm.. We never….” Reid stopped before he was finished, too embarrassed to continue.

Hotch was just confused at this point. He clearly remembered Gideon telling the team that the first time he met Reid was when he accidentally walked in on Stephen and Reid having sex. “I don’t understand..”

“I—We… Have you ever heard of intercrural sex?” Reid said just above a whisper.

“No.”

“It’s nonpenetrative sex, typically between the thighs.. We.. Umm.. That was the closest we did.. I was too worried that penetrative sex would cause me to go into a flashback that I didn’t want to have to explain to him…” Reid’s voice was full of sadness and embarrassment. While Hotch was glad that he was sharing, he didn’t understand the point of what he was saying. Reid always had a point when he spoke. Before Hotch could ask, Reid continued, angrier than before. “I was a coward. I hate it. I hate that I never got to go all the way with him.. I hate that technically, by modern definition, I have never had sex. I hate that….. the only people that have been inside me were monsters….”

“Baby.. I—” Hotch started to comfort him but Reid cut him off.

“It’s not like that with you.. I—I am scared but I am not scared of you.. Sometimes, just how much I trust you, scares me. You are bigger and stronger than me, you could easily overpower me, but I am not scared that you would.. I mean.. I am lying next to you with nothing more than a blanket and discarded towel covering me.. I trust you to go all the way and to stop if I need you too..”

Finally, Hotch figured out what Reid was trying to say. “Uhh.. Spencer.. Are you trying to say you want to have sex?” Hotch said cautiously. Reid nodded yes slowly. Hotch took a deep breath, making sure to have a level head and not act on impulse. If his previous partner said she wanted to have sex, he would be on top of her in a matter of seconds, but this was different. This was Spencer. “Baby, look at me please.” Reid looked up and Hotch looked into this tear glistened eyes. His face was pink from blush and he looked so vulnerable, almost scared. “You know I would love to have sex with you. I find you unrealistically attractive.. But this is new, for both of us. I have never had sex with a man and in a hotel, after the extremely long day we had, is not when I want this to happen.”

Once Hotch said that, Reid visibly relaxed. It was clear that while he might want to have sex, he was extremely nervous about it. Hotch leaned down and gave Reid a gentle kiss. “Baby, can I still touch you? I would love to replace _those_ hands with mine.” Reid nodded yes and Hotch kissed him again, this time with more passion, wrapping his arms around Reid and pulling him up slightly so they were level on the bed. Reid kissed back with the same amount of passion, slipping his hand under Hotch’s shirt to feel the soft warmth of his skin. Hotch slowly ran one hand from Reid’s hair, to pushing under the blanket, sweeping over vertebrae on his back to dancing his fingers over Reid’s butt before finally stopping with a firm hand on Reid’s ass cheek. This caused Reid to tense up, sucking in a breath of air. Hotch broke from the kiss and pulled his hand way, “Hey, are you okay?” Hotch asked calmly.

“Yes.. just forgot I was naked for a moment..” Reid said, looking Hotch in the eyes and smiling shyly.

“Mmm.. I didn’t” Hotch said in that deep and sultry voice that Reid heard the last time they were intimate. Reid loved that voice. Without thinking he moved his groin closer to Hotch, rubbing his erection against his leg.

Hotch chuckled slightly and turned his waist, rubbing his own erection against Reid’s before grabbing his ass again. Hotch moved slowly and deliberately, taking account of every movement Reid made to make sure he was okay. After a few minutes, Reid was reduced to a moaning, gasping mess as Hotch carefully worked at kissing him, touching every inch of his skin that he could. “Can I take this blanket off of you?” Hotch asked, running his thumb over one of Reid’s nipples, making him gasp and buck again. The blanket was still mostly wrapped around Reid, the only thing keeping him from being completely naked for Hotch to see.

Reid nodded his head quickly but verbally answered when Hotch shot him a glare, remembering that Hotch needed him to actually talk. “Y-yes..” With that, Hotch pulled the blanket off of Reid’s lithe, nude frame, and subconsciously licked his lips at the sight of his naked boyfriend.

Hotch tilted Reid on to his back before running his hand down his flat stomach, across his shaft, continuing to move downwards, lightly grabbing his balls before gently running a finger over his hole. Instantly Reid tensed up again and squeezed his eyes closed, making a small whimper sound. Hotch moved back ever so slightly, “Baby, open your eyes. Look at me”

Reid opened his eyes and slowly exhaled, “S-sorry.. C-can we continue?” Reid said, making sure to give Hotch direct eye contact.

“Hmm.. Are you sure? We don’t have to, love. I won’t be upset.” Hotch said, tucking Reid’s hair behind his ear.

“No.. I am sure. P-please..” Reid said and Hotch felt his cock twitch at the lust in Reid’s voice. Hotch smiled and continued kissing Reid, lazily moving his hand over Reid’s groin again but not going near his hole. He felt Reid buck slightly, causing his hand to go further between his legs for a moment before Hotch pulled back away, not wanting to scare him again. Reid broke off the kiss, “Can… I… I want to try that again.”

It took a moment for Hotch to understand what Reid was talking about, but it became clear when Reid moved his legs further apart and bent his knees. “Mmm of course, but I need you to keep your eyes on me and talk to me, okay?” He said before putting his own two fingers in his mouth, getting them wet, before moving them back down between Reid’s thighs.

Reid moaned just at the sight of Hotch sucking on his fingers before answering him, “Y-yes, Aaron.” Hotch started gently rubbing Reid’s rim with one of his fingers, moving ever so slowly, making sure Reid was still with him. Reid let out a moan and closed his eyes.

“No baby, keep them open.” Hotch said quietly, trying not to sound as if he was ordering the young man.

He opened his eyes, and Hotch dipped his finger ever so slightly into Reid, making him gasp, “Mmm.. Aaron.. M-more, please..”

Hotch happily complied. He brought his hand to his mouth, adding more spit to his fingers for good measure before moving them back down and slowly pushing one finger into Reid, making him moan loudly. He continued to pump his finger in and out of Reid for several minutes, asking if he was okay a few times, before adding a second finger. Hotch had never fingered himself, let alone another man, so he wasn’t too sure what he was doing but if Reid’s moans and hard member leaking precum all over his stomach was any indication than he was doing it well. Hotch curved his fingers slightly causing Reid to gasp loudly and yell, “Fuck! Aaron.. D-don’t stop, please..”

He kept going, getting faster and deeper with every move, making sure to curve his fingers, earning loud moans from Reid. He wanted to stroke his length, but he really wanted to see if Reid could cum from being fingered alone. “Wow, baby.. You are so hot like this.” Hotch said in that same sultry voice that he knew Reid loved.

“Ahhh.. Aaron.. I’m—” Reid couldn’t even finish his sentence before he came all over his own stomach as Hotch fingered him through it. Hotch pulled Reid into a kiss before removing his fingers slowly, causing Reid to whine at the loss. Then he got up, ignoring his slightly wet and tented boxers and got a washcloth to wipe the cum off of Reid’s chest before washing his hands and returning to bed. He wrapped his arms around Reid, who was suddenly extremely tired, and pulled him into a hug, kissing him softly and covering him up with the blanket.

Reid started to drift off before he realized something, “Wait.. Aaron, what about you? I can—”

“No, no. This was about you. I will be fine.” Hotch said, running his hand through Reid’s slightly sweaty hair. Reid started to open his mouth to argue but Hotch stopped him, “Really baby, I had a great time. Just sleep.”

Reid sighed and hugged Hotch back tightly, “I love you, Aaron.”

“I love you too, Spencer.”

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Morning came too fast for the two men, neither one wanted to get up, especially Reid. While Reid really wanted to catch the unsub, he was not looking forward to another day thinking about a case that hit just too close to home for him. The two men went through their morning routine, smiling and laughing. It felt like a weight had been lifted off of their chests. Reid took another shower as he was sure he smelt like sex. When he got out he noticed that Hotch had disposed of the razor that was still on his nightstand from the night before. He smiled, thinking that sex, even if it wasn’t all the way, was a much better alternative to cutting but he knew it wasn’t going to be as easy as it was the night before. He hoped it would be, but life isn’t that simple.

Right before the two men were about to leave Hotch got a phone call, “Hotchner… Yes… Are you sure?... Okay… Text me the message… We will be there soon.” Hotch said to the voice on the other end.

“What was that?” Reid asked, putting his messenger bag over his shoulder.

“Another body was found,” Hotch said, already slipping into work mode and holding is serious glare.

“Oh, how old? We will have to compare their traits with Garcia’s list.”

“No.. This body was new, dumped on the edge of the conservation area,” Hotch said, looking at his phone when it dinged with a message.

“What? We weren’t told of any missing children, how—”

Hotch interrupted Reid, “It isn’t a child. He is twenty-three-year-old, Jacob Parker..”

Reid looked confused, “How do we know it is the same unsub?”

“Same MO and there was a note,” Hotch said, reading off his phone. “One side says, ‘saved you the hassle of digging this one up’ and the other is just says, ‘You have been bad. Expect it soon.’” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am lacking confidence in this chapter for some reason. Let me know what you all think. Thank you so much for your continued love and support.


	10. Yes, Sir.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Mention of rape to a minor and adult.

Hotch and Reid met the team in the lobby, “There is a new body” Hotch started to explain to the team. “They are already moving the body to the coroner, due to the heat. Leaving it in the elements would have started to wear on the evidence. We will all go to the station first, debrief, and head out from there.” Hotch said and the team started to head to the two SUVs. Rossi, JJ and Emily headed to one and before Hotch could open the door to the second one, Morgan stopped him.

“Hey, Hotch. You mind riding in with Rossi and the girls? I wanna talk to Reid about something.” Morgan said. Hotch looked between Morgan and Reid before nodding okay and walking to the other SUV.

Reid climbed into the passenger seat and waited until they took off to start talking, “What’s up, Morgan?” Reid asked, having a hard time reading Morgan’s facial expression.

“So.. Uhh.. How was your night with Hotch?” Morgan asked, giving Reid a look before looking back at the road.

Reid blushed, “Wha—”

“Don’t bother, kid. We share a hotel room wall.” Morgan said with a small chuckle.

“What? You.. You heard us?” Reid said, the embarrassment and shock was clear in his voice.

“Well, I heard _you_..”

“Oh god… Sorry..”

Morgan chuckled again, running one of his hands over his head, “Listen, I don’t care what you do with your boyfriend behind closed doors, I just wanna check on you.. Hotch isn’t pressuring you, is he?”

Reid looked confused, “No, not at all. Why?”

“It’s just.. I know the past few months have been hard for you. I still see you flinch and tense up around men, including me sometimes.. I just don’t see how you are ready for sex. I need to know that Hotch isn’t pressuring you into it.” Morgan said, losing his smile and gaining a stern, serious expression.

“He isn’t pressuring me, don’t worry. Last night was my idea and.. we didn’t have sex.. we just..” Reid moved his hands in a very discreet fingering gesture that made Morgan both laugh and cringe before continuing, “he didn’t even want me to touch him. He said it was just for me.”

Morgan looked at Reid for a moment, as if he were trying to tell if he was lying or upset by the sexual encounter. “Yeah, okay. Good. Don’t go too fast though.. I know our situations aren’t the same but.. I couldn’t have done _that_ ” Morgan said, making the same fingering gesture Reid made, which made Reid blush even brighter, “that soon after what happened with Buford. I still don’t think I could, and it’s been years..” Reid started to mess with his messenger bag, holding and letting go of the strap or fidgeting with the buckle, one of his favorite discreet stims. He wanted to ask Morgan a question, but he didn’t want to overstep. Morgan could tell though, “Out with it, kid. You won’t upset me.”

“Do.. Well.. Do you ever still feel his hands on you? Sometimes… I can feel him. On me.. in me.. My skin will crawl, and I hate it so much.” Reid said, barely above a whisper.

Morgan sighed, “Yeah.. Almost never happens anymore but I used to, often.”

“What did you do to make it stop?”

“I would distract myself as much as I could. Football, friends, girls, construction, working out.. If I was out and not alone, it was better. Now, since what happened in Chicago, I have a therapist I talk too. She has really helped. Does Dr. Winchester help you?”

“I guess..” Reid said quietly. He didn’t like having to talk to a therapist, even though Dr. Winchester was pretty cool.

Morgan pulled into the police station’s parking lot but didn’t move to get out of the car. Reid watched Hotch pull into a space nearby and get out of the car. Everyone went inside but Hotch, who stood by the SUV. Morgan turned the car off, “I know it’s hard, really with this case and what happened with Tobias barely five months ago and—”

“Charles,” Reid said, cutting Morgan off.

“What?”

“Charles. You mean what happened with Charles, not Tobias. Tobias only tried to help me.” Reid said, opening the car door.

Morgan quickly got out of the car and went to Reid’s side. “You can’t be serious. Tobias killed like a dozen people. He kidnapped you, tortured you, for almost a week before trying to kill you too. He—”

Reid was visibly upset and cut Morgan off again, “No! Charles and Raphael did that! Tobias took care of me! He washed me and bandaged me up. He even gave me food, water, and something for pain.”

“Kid, even if you just look at his personality, not the other two, he was the one to kidnap you. He touched and kissed you without your consent and he drugged you, repea—”

This time it was Hotch that cut Morgan off, having walked over from his SUV. “That is enough. Reid, I need you to go on inside and start the linguistic profile of the note.” Hotch said to Reid and waited for him to leave before addressing Morgan, “What was that about?”

Morgan huffed, “How did he pass his psych evals if he still has Stockholm’s?”

“First, because he is a genius and could pass those in his sleep,” Hotch said, keeping his stern expression. “But I do not think that is what he has anymore. He understands what happened to him, but he fully believes it was Charles that hurt him and Raphael that murdered the victims. I didn’t think about it until I saw how Spencer interacted with William Reid. He is similar to Tobias in several ways and I think seeing Tobias as a victim, not his attacker helps him deal with what happened. He doesn’t want to think that someone similar to him could have a mental break and do the things that he did..”

Morgan nodded his head, “Okay, man. I get it but I just don’t see how that is helping him.”

“We all deal differently. Just let this go, Morgan. He is dealing with enough right now.” Hotch said, starting to walk to the police station door.

Morgan followed him but kept talking, “That is another thing.” He said, causing Hotch to stop. “I don’t think you should be having sex with him when he is going through so much,” Morgan said bluntly.

“What—” Hotch started but was interrupted by Morgan

“Fine, sexual activity, or whatever the hell you two were doing that caused me to hear him through my wall. He is too fragile right now for you to be fucking with him.” Morgan stopped when he saw the anger on Hotch’s face.

“What Reid and I do is none of your business. Do you honestly think I would hurt him or take advantage of him?” Before Morgan could answer, Hotch kept going. “I would never. I love him and he asked me to touch him last night.. Well more like he gave me an explanation using statistics on why he wanted to seek out comfort in sex instead of cutting himself, which is what he was planning on doing. I—” Hotch stopped, looking around to make sure they didn’t have an audience. “I know you are only looking out for him,” Hotch said in a quieter and calmer tone. “and you are right, he is fragile right now, but he isn’t weak. I am not rushing this.. I have known that sex was going to be difficult for both of us, but I didn’t know how difficult it would be until last night.”

“What do you mean? Do you not find him attractive?” Morgan asked, trying to switch from his angry, protective tone to the voice of support.

“No, no. That’s not it. I definitely do.. It’s just.. He has never had consensual penetrative sex before. He said he was too scared with Stephen and that was before Hankel and _this._ ” Hotch said, gesturing to the police station. “And I can tell from what we did that he would enjoy it, but I have never been with a man, I don’t—”

“Woah relax man,” Morgan said, he was caught off guard by his boss airing out his relationship concerns. It was not something Hotch had ever done with him before, but he genuinely seemed upset. “He trusts you. He told me back in Miami after that case we had with the conversion therapy guy and I had to wait in the ER with him. He told me how he wanted more but he wasn’t sure what he could do. I’ll ask you what I asked him; do you trust him?”

“With my life,” Hotch said plainly, causing Morgan to chuckle.

“That was the same exact thing he said when I asked him that question, but as long as you trust him, and he trusts you then just play it by ear. Stop when needed, go when wanted. He isn’t going to care if you are an expert or not. Just be honest with him.” Morgan said

Hotch nodded and said “Thanks Derek” with a grin.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Both men switched back into work mode as they entered the conference room. Before Hotch could get to the table, he spotted Reid. He was sitting cross-legged on the small sofa the far side of the room, headphones on but staring at a file in his hand. Despite being cross-legged, his feet were tapping a mile a minute. He was watching him so closely that he didn’t even notice JJ came over, “Hotch, he isn’t doing well with this case” She said quietly.

“Is he still verbal?” Hotch asked

“I think. He came in, started working on the note but when the crime scene pictures started coming in, he shut down. Went to the sofa, put on his headphones, and has been staring at the note for several minutes now.” JJ said, before handing Hotch a folder with the latest victim’s photos from the crime scene.

Once Hotch started looking through them, he saw it. The man, Jacob Parker, looked very similar to Reid. He was pale, tall, thin and had sandy brown hair, but it was much shorter than Reid’s own. All of these traits were just like the younger victims. What really caught his eye though was the large slash that went across the victim’s shoulder. It looked as if it was started in the front of the man and continued around the back. It was similar to the lash mark that Reid had.

Hotch handed the folder back to JJ and walked over to Reid, “Hey Spencer, are you doing okay?”

Reid looked up, not having noticed Hotch come in the room or approach him. He took his headphones off before answering, “Sorry.. Overwhelmed.”

“There is no reason to apologize. You did exactly what you were supposed to do. Are you feeling any better?”

“Hmm.. A little. It’s the case, Aaron.” Reid said, talking a little quieter. “Vos esse malus pueri, Pen. Statim poenam exspectant…. Statim poenam exspectant…” Reid said, looking at the copy of the note he was still holding.

“That is what your father said, right?” Hotch asked gently, ignoring the rest of the team that were making no effort to hide their stares.

Reid nodded, “You have been a bad boy, Pen. Expect a punishment soon…. That was the last thing he said before he left yesterday and now this man turns up, looking similar to me, with a note that says, ‘You have been bad. Expect it soon’. I am not crazy.”

“No one said you were crazy. We just said that you are too close to this case to see it clearly.” Hotch tried to explain.

“See what clearly? See the slash over the victim’s shoulder that looks like mine, that I just showed him yesterday? See that the children victims were the same age I was when he started with me? See that now that my father saw me as an adult, an adult victim matching my looks shows up?” Reid said loudly before looking around the room to his team, “I can’t be the only one that sees this!”

Emily stepped forward, “You’re not. I can see the similarities too, it’s just that we can’t assume that it is William Reid. We need to keep our options open.”

“Spencer, you know this means that we will have to call William Reid in for questioning again,” Hotch said looking at Reid, who nodded. “Okay, but we will not slow down our search for the unsub. Looking more into William Reid is just to ensure that we explore all possibilities.” Hotch said before moving over to the table. “JJ, can you go ahead and call William and have him come down as soon as he can.”

“No,” Reid said, looking upset. “Don’t make her talk to him.”

JJ smiled, “Spence, it’s alright. I have—”

Reid cut her off, “I said no. Please. Make one of the officers do it. It’s bad enough that he has to come down here again and that he has already talked to Hotch, Rossi and Morgan. I don’t want him talking to you.”

JJ sighed and looked at Hotch, who gave her an approving nod, “Alright. I will go have one of the officers do it. Don’t worry.”

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next few hours went painfully slow. JJ let everyone know that William would be in after lunchtime and everyone saw a decline in Reid as the time got closer to lunch. He was flinching more, spoke less, and accidentally called Hotch, Rossi, and Morgan ‘Sir’ at least once. The team ignored it, knowing that bringing it up would probably just embarrass Reid. Instead, they worked on the case. Garcia was digging up background information on the newest victim while the rest of the team followed any lead they had.

The newest victim was killed in the same manner as the boys, strangled to death, and was raped. The only difference was that the man was doused in bleach, had a cut on his shoulder, and wasn’t buried. They knew that it was possible that the newest victim was just a copycat killer that took his chance after news got out that the little boys were found. So, JJ was busy following media leaks and seeing what details of the case had gotten out.

Lunchtime came and went but Reid refused to eat. He also wouldn’t leave the conference room. Hotch brought him a coffee, sweetened just the way Hotch has learned the young man likes it, but he still barely touched it. No one wanted to tell him he had to eat or drink the coffee, out of fear that he would listen to what he was told to do without question. About ten minutes after everyone finished their lunch and the trash was cleared away, one of the officers knocked on the door and came in. “Agents, William Reid just arrived. I put him in interrogation room two.”

“Thank you,” Hotch said, standing up from his chair at the conference room table and the officer left. Everyone looked over at Reid, who seemed much calmer than expected. “Rossi and I will be interviewing William again. Spencer, did you want to watch again or wait here?”

“Wait here, Sir,” Reid said and Hotch tried not to react. He wasn’t sure if Reid was even aware of what he was doing.

“Hotch, are you sure you should be doing the interview again? I mean you did punch the guy in the face last time.” Morgan asked from his spot at the conference table.

Rossi stood up and moved towards the door. “He only did that because William almost attacked Spencer. It will be fine.” He said before both of the men left.

Reid took a slow breath before pulling his legs up to his chest on the chair and continuing to work. Morgan moved over to the chair closer to him, “Pretty Boy, you doing okay?” Reid just nodded yes, not bothering to look up. He was clearly dissociating, which was probably for the best.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rossi and Hotch walked into the interrogation room just as they did the day before. The only difference was that today William had a bruise over his nose. Despite all that went on yesterday, William seemed calm, almost happy. “Hello again Agents.” He said, leaning back in his chair.

Both men sat down, and Rossi led, “Hello William, thank you for joining us again.” He said calmly but William wouldn’t stop staring at Hotch. “We were hoping you could answer a few questions. First—”

“No.” William interrupted. “Bring Pen in here. I know he is here. I will answer the questions for him only.”

“You know we can’t do that. Especially after last time.” Rossi said

“Oh yeah, last time,” William said, touching his nose. “I had court today and this did not help my case.” Hotch fought to not talk back and William could see it. “You are such a brut, Agent Hotchner. Do you use that force on my son?”

“No. I am not like you.” Hotch said, unable to hold his tongue.

“No, no. Of course not, then again. Force isn’t necessary with him, huh? He just does whatever you want.” William said, almost in a singsong tone.

Hotch huffed, “That is enough. Where were you last night?”

“Ah ah. I said I would only answer questions that Pen asked. But what were _you_ doing last night, Agent Hotchner? Or should I ask, who were you doing?” William said with a grin. He was clearly trying to piss Hotch off again.

“Mr. Reid, it is a simple question. What were you doing last night?” Rossi asked again but William completely ignored him.

“Is he still quiet? Doesn’t make a peep no matter how much it hurts? Or have you permitted him to be loud so he can scream, cry and moan as much as he wants?” William asked, still staring directly at Hotch.

“William R—", Rossi tried to cut in, but he just kept going.

“Does he still swallow dick down without gagging? I taught him that, it took so long for him to master it. Pen can be so worthless sometimes.” William said, causing Hotch to stand up quickly, full of anger, but it didn’t stop William. “Oh, do you like watersports? Because he will do some downright disgusting things if you tell him too. Once he—” Suddenly Hotch had him by the collar and pulled him over the interrogation room table.

“Hotch!” Rossi yelled.

“You sick fucker.” Hotch hissed at William’s face, who was smiling back at him, ignoring Rossi’s attempt to make him stop.

“That is enough, Aaron,” Spencer said, and all heads turned to the door. There Spencer stood with an angry-looking Morgan behind him. Clearly Morgan tried to get him not to come in the room, but he didn’t listen.

Hotch let William go and turned to Spencer, “You said you were going to wait.”

“I did but I had a bad feeling, looks like I was right,” Spencer said, giving Hotch a look.

“Ahh, my pretty Pen. Nice to see you again.” William said, smiling sickly. “Ask me the questions, I will not answer to these boys.”

“Yes, Sir.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FYI: Watersports is a slang term for sexual activity involving urine in some form.  
> I wrote this instead of sleeping. It's 5am right now XD I hope you all like it.  
> Kudos, Comment, and Sub!


	11. Profile

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Talk about rape to a minor and all the same jazz.

“Ahh my pretty Pen. Nice to see you again.” William said, smiling sickly. “Ask me the questions, I will not answer to these boys.”

“Yes, Sir.” Reid said, moving in the room and sitting in Hotch’s chair across from his father.

“Reid, you need to leave,” Hotch said, moving closer to William, as if he was getting ready in case he attacked Spencer.

“No, you stay Pen.” William Reid said, sitting back down.

Reid looked between the two men before stopping at Hotch, “I will just ask him the questions then I will go.” Hotch tried to read Spencer’s body language. His eyes were full of fear, but his body was full of confidence. He didn’t seem as strongly submissive as he did yesterday. Hotch couldn’t help but think that Reid had taken the past several hours mentally preparing himself to face his father in order to not seem as scared.

“Fine but we will be here the whole time,” Hotch said, looking over at Morgan, who was standing in front of the closed door and at Rossi, who was on the other side of the table, standing near William. Reid nodded his head and put his arms on the table to pick up the folder that held the questions they prepared for the interview.

Once he did, William grabbed his arm, “What the fuck are these?” He yelled, clearly talking about his handcuff scars that were visible due to his rolled-up dress shirt sleeves. Reid fought hard not to react but instead looked at Hotch, nonverbally telling him not to stop what was happening. William pulled his arm towards him and flipped it over, looking at the pale, barely visible self-harm scars. “And this. You still do that shit? That’s pathetic, Pen. You are pathetic and weak. You know that?”

“Yes, Sir.” Reid said with little emotion, unlike Hotch and Morgan, who were visibly angry. Morgan was clenching his fists and eyeing Hotch for the moment he gave his okay to stop William. Rossi was more levelheaded, but his eyes were set in a piercing glare at William. “Now—” Reid started but stopped once his father went to talk.

“Who did this to you?” William asked, still holding Spencer’s arm. He was brushing his fingers across the raised scar that circled around his wrist, causing Spencer to shake slightly as he fought against his own fear. Spencer didn’t answer right away so his father tightened the grip on his arm and asked again. “I asked you a question. Who did this?” He wasn’t asking out of concern but more out of anger that someone besides him damaged his son.

“A man that I killed,” Reid said, maintaining his monotone voice.

William smiled ever so slightly, “You have killed someone?”

“Several times. Have you?”

This time William laughed darkly, “Is that why I am here? You think I killed those little boys?”

“I don’t know Sir, did you?” Reid asked, looking down to avoid eye contact and to see William running his hand up and down his forearm, as if he was trying to soothe him but from him, it was just a sickening gesture.

“Do you really think I could kill anyone?” William ask, feigning hurt feelings.

“Yes, Sir,” Reid said bluntly, making William lose his smile and retract his hand. “I know firsthand what you are capable of” Reid said, fighting the urge to wrap his arms around himself.

“You are such an ungrateful bastard, Pen. So pretty but so stupid. You know that?” William said calmly, which somehow made it worse. Hotch visibly tensed up. He wanted nothing more than to punch the man in the face, but he controlled himself, knowing that it wasn’t his place to step in, yet. He glanced up at Morgan, who was wringing his hands together, waiting for the chance to wring them around William’s neck.

“No, Sir. I am not stupid.”

William laughed again, “You might be some big hotshot at books, but you are an idiot at everything else. Just like your crazy fuck up of a mother.”

“Shut up,” fell out of Reid’s mouth before he could stop it. He hated when anyone talked bad about his mom. It wasn’t her fault she was sick and when the illness was under control, which rarely happened, she was a wonderful person and mom.

“Aww someone still a little mommy’s boy, huh?” William said in a baby talk type of voice. “For such a mommy’s boy, you sure did lock her away fast.” Spencer’s looked surprised at this. He didn’t know his father knew that he had her committed. “Oh, you didn’t know that I knew where she was? See, stupid. You really thought I didn’t know you sent her away to Bennington Sanitarium on your 18th birthday? Legal age and that is how you spent your day? How stupid.”

Reid took a deep breath. He needed to get the conversation back on to the topic of the murders. He glanced up at Hotch, as if he were looking for the strength to continue, before eyeing his father again. “Legal age? I thought you only liked them as defenseless little boys?” Despite how hard Reid tried, there was still a waver of fear in his voice.

William huffed, “Don’t confuse punishment with preference, Pen. You know you deserved what you got. You were always such a bad boy.”

Reid visibly flinched at those two words, but he kept going, “Were the other boys bad too? Were you just punishing them?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Austin Newman, Patrick Hodges, Steve Phillips, Timmy Butler, Justin Poole, and Riley Jenkins.” Reid listed out the young victims, leaving out the newest adult victim. “They were all found dead, sexually assaulted, in the desert.”

A confused look swept across William’s face that was not missed by the four profilers in the room. “Riley? I wasn’t aware they found him too.” William said, almost sounding upset.

“Why would you assume we didn’t find him when we called you in yesterday about him?” Reid asked.

William narrowed his eyes and looked around to the other men in the room for the first time since Reid sat down. “You all realize I am a lawyer right? I am not dumb enough to say something you can use against me.”

“No one said you were dumb, Mr. Reid.” Rossi said with a bite in his voice, “I mean, it takes smarts to sexually abuse your own son for five years and not get caught.”

“Oh, is that what he told you?” William said looking at Rossi then back to Spencer, who was shaking slightly again. “Did you also tell them how you were always such a bad boy, never doing what you were supposed to? Did you tell them how you would beg to be punished? How you would hold yourself open and thank me for punishing you? Huh? Or how you would swallo—"

Both Hotch and Morgan couldn’t take it anymore and they both moved forward, about to yell at William, but to their surprise, Reid stood up and cut William off, “Shut the fuck up!” He yelled at his father, who’s face scrunched up with anger. “That wasn’t punishment and I wasn’t bad! That was rape from a disgusting, perverted man who used my mother’s illness against me and then walked out leaving me to raise myself with all the fucked-up trauma you gave. But you know what, the day you left was one of the best days of my life.”

William stood up as well and hissed, “You stupid fucking faggot, you—” before Spencer cut him off, again.

“Of course, what other names are you going to call me. I am a bastard, stupid, faggot, is that all? Do you really think it bothers me? I am in the FBI and I deal with serial killers for a living, I have heard worse. Hell, you aren’t even the only man to ‘punish’ me.” Reid said, adding air quotes around the word punish.

Suddenly a flame was ignited under William. He pulled his fist back and punched Spencer in the face. Before Spencer even had a chance to fall back on the floor, Hotch, Rossi and Morgan were on William. A second later the door opened, and JJ and Emily came in, having seen what happened from behind the one-way mirror, with a few officers. JJ quickly moved to Reid’s side, who was now on the ground, “Spence? You okay?” Reid just nodded his head and watch the three profilers handcuff his father.

“William Reid, you are under arrest for assaulting a federal agent,” Hotch said, standing him up and passing him to an officer.

Before the officers left with William he yelled, “I will be out by the end of the day! This isn’t over, Pen!”

Seconds later the door was shut and the BAU team stood in shocked silence. Before anyone could talk, Reid was lunging over to the trash can near the door, barely making it before he threw up his morning coffee and food from the night before. His stomach wrenched until bile came up, burning his throat and sending tears down his cheeks. Hotch came over and started to rub Reid’s back, in a hope to soothe him but instead, Reid pushed him away and screamed, wrapping his arms around his head, and ducking into a protective position on the floor. They expected Reid to lift his head and apologize like he normally did, but he didn’t move. He stayed in a ball on the floor, shaking and crying.

“Spencer..” Hotch started, not getting any closer. “I am sorry I touched you without asking, you are safe now. Can you look at me?” Reid still didn’t move so Hotch moved a little closer, crouching down to his level. “Baby.. He is gone. Please look at me.” When it was clear that Reid wasn’t going to move, Hotch looked over at JJ, nodding his head towards Reid in a way to tell her to try to help.

JJ sat down next to Reid, “Spence? Hey. We need you to relax.” At that Reid lowered his arms slightly. “Great Spence, can you look at me?” Reid slowly lifted his head and looked over to JJ. Her chest physically hurt when she saw Reid’s face. The left side of his face was already starting to bruise and swell. His eyes were red and watery, and tears tracked down his cheeks. His chin quivered as he looked at her, as if he was going to break down in unrelenting sobs any second. “Thank you. You had us worried” JJ spoke softly, as if she was calming a child. She saw Reid move his mouth to talk but nothing came out. “It’s okay if you can’t talk right now. Can you sign?”

Hotch, who was still kneeling next to Reid, let go of a breath he didn’t know he was holding when Reid answered to JJ. He watched his boyfriend make shaky sign language letters. _B... A… G…_ he signed. Hotch had secretly been learning sign language just in case he ever needed to understand Reid when he was nonverbal. He spent hours reading about what can cause verbal autistic people to go nonverbal, hours spent learning about sensory tools and hours, and money spent on sign language lessons. Even though he understood Reid, he didn’t say anything, just let JJ work with him.

“Bag? You need your bag?” JJ asked and Reid nodded ever so slightly. “Okay, let’s go back to the conference room.” Once JJ said that, Emily and Morgan shared and look and walked outside to clear the area and make sure William was long gone. “Do you need help standing?” JJ asked, standing up and stretching an arm out. Reid shook his head ‘no’ wildly, as if he was scared of JJ touching him. She retracted her hand and just waited for him to stand.

The team moved with Reid back to the conference room. Everyone wanted to be close to him, to talk about what happened, but they knew he didn’t like that type of attention and that he thought going nonverbal was embarrassing, so everyone but JJ and Hotch sat at the table. Reid quickly grabbed his bag and moved to the small sofa, while JJ and Hotch stood nearby. Reid pulled out a folded brown woven unisex cardigan sweater and put it on, hugging himself before going into his bag again. Hotch automatically recognized the sweater as his mom’s, which made the older man smile. Next Reid pulled out his iPod and headphones, putting them on and turning on one of his set playlists. He took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and leaned back on the sofa, clearly trying to self soothe. After a few minutes, he opened them again and looked at JJ and Hotch, who were still standing close. _“Sorry”_ he signed to JJ.

JJ smiled warmly, “There is no reason to say sorry Spence. We are all sorry that that happened. Do you want some medicine or ice for your cheek?”

 _“No. Need time”_ Reid signed

“Okay, do you want one of us to sit with you?” JJ asked

_“Not now. Scared. No touch.”_

“Nothing will happen to you, baby; you are safe here and he is gone,” Hotch answered before JJ. He was desperate to comfort his love. 

Reid looked confused. Hotch had completely forgotten that Reid didn’t know that he learned sign language. _“Can you understand me?”_ Reid signed in proper sign language, not finger spelling.

“Yes.. I have been learning sign language for times like these.” Hotch said softly, making Reid smile. He signed thank you before laying down on the sofa and closing his eyes. They weren’t sure if Reid was trying to nap or what, but he clearly was checking out of any conversation.

Hotch and JJ joined the others at the table. It was silent, as everyone was mentally reflecting on the scene they just witnessed. Seeing Reid’s father pretty much admit to raping him, a crime that they can’t charge him with. Seeing Reid shake and waver and try and hold himself together. Seeing Reid’s father call Reid stupid. _Stupid… how could anyone think Spencer is stupid. He is the smartest person in every room he enters. He has three doctorates, an IQ of 187, and can read words faster than they are written and remember every single one of them._ Hotch though to himself before addressing the team, “I want everyone to profile the interaction we just witnessed. Now don’t focus on what happened with Reid but instead profile how William responded to the questions.”

Everyone starts thinking. Rossi made some notes on his notepad and JJ flipped through case files. Emily is the first one to speak up, “He was surprised when Reid said we found Riley’s body with the others.”

“He also never denied Reid’s accusations” Morgan added.

JJ went next, “The whole encounter was odd, like he didn’t care what we thought. He just knew that he wouldn’t get in trouble”

Rossi sighed, “He fits some parts of the profile, but I am not sure. The profile has changed now that we have an adult victim.”

Emily got up and looked at the case board, “Guys, if you count Riley into this, the time between Riley and the first victim we can prove, Austin Newman, is really close to the time when William started abusing Reid and when he left.”

“Preferential offender that targets other children to take his interest off his own,” Morgan said, sounding angry.

“I thought we profiled William Reid as a situational offender?” JJ asked

“There is something off with William though. He is more obsessed with Reid then anything. Reid is an adult, the pedophilic interest he had in Spencer should be gone but we all saw how William eyes him..” Rossi said and JJ visibly cringed.

“It—” Emily started but then looked over at Reid, who looked like he was asleep in a ball on the small sofa. “It wasn’t so much of a lustful look as much as a power-driven one. When Reid was listening, responding the way he wanted, William started rubbing his arm and looked way too excited but once Reid talked back, he pulled away.”

“So, he would be a power reassurance rapist?” JJ asked

“No, he was too confident. He would be more like an aggressive-aim rapist.” Morgan explained, “But he also didn’t start… anal rape until he was eight.. Meaning he had enough self-control to wait until he was at an age and size that the physical damage wouldn’t be deadly.. Meaning he would also be able to self-regulate his urges..” Morgan started to look a little sick at explaining the profile of his best friend’s rapist.

“It’s called a Self-Initiated Predation Cessation serial killer,” Hotch said, finally speaking.

“This is all well and good, but we have nothing actually tying him to any of the crimes besides that he knew Riley, a victim that we still haven’t even found and might not be related,” Rossi said

Hotch cleared his throat, “Morgan, call Garcia and have her—” Hotch was cut off by his phone ringing. He quickly pulled it out and answered it. “Hotchner… Yes… How long ago?... Are you sure?... Okay. Thank you.” He hung up and looked confused, looking at his teammates. “PD just found a new body, same as MO but another adult. Coroner on site estimated time of death at about an hour ago.”

“But.. William has been here for at least an hour, if not more.” Emily said as if it was a question. “So.. he is innocent?”

All heads turned to see Reid, sitting up on the sofa and taking his headphones off. He wrapped his arms around himself in a protective manner before saying, “He is far from innocent.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Watching too much Criminal Minds came in handy when forming William Reid's profile :D  
> Thank you, everyone! Remember to let me know what you think!


	12. Goner

“He is far from innocent.” Reid said, sitting up from the sofa he had been curled up on.

Everyone was a little shocked that Reid chimed in. They all thought he couldn’t hear them or was asleep or else they wouldn’t have profiled his father in front of him like they just did. Hotch was the first one to speak up, “Hey Spencer. Are you feeling better?” He asked, walking over to Reid. Reid looked up at him from the sofa. The swelling had died down on his cheek but there was a large, deep blue and purple bruise forming on his sharp cheekbone. With little thought, Hotch reached forward to run his hand over Reid’s cheek but once he moved Reid flinched and moved back from the touch.

“Sorry. I—I just…” Reid started but stopped, balling up his hand and pushing it into the area of his leg where the cuts he made on his leg a few days prior were.

The sly action wasn’t lost on Hotch, “Spencer, stop.” He said calmly but Reid tensed and automatically moved his hand at the command. “No.. I didn’t mean it like that. I am not telling you what to do, Spencer. You know that, right?”

Reid slowly moved his hand back to his leg but didn’t press down. Instead, he rubbed the area slightly, just enough to feel it but not enough to damage the healing cuts. “Intellectually.. I understand that you can only tell me what to do when it comes to work-related tasks but.. I don’t know. It’s hard to stop.”

“We will try and not word things strongly, okay?” Hotch said before looking at Rossi and Morgan, who shook their head. Reid didn’t seem to have the same issue with Emily and JJ. “Can I sit?” Hotch asked, looking back at Reid. He simply scooted over and nodded his head. Hotch sat down, being careful not to touch Reid on accident. “Spencer, I think you should take the rest of the day off.”

“I can work! I am fine!” Reid yelled but Hotch didn’t falter.

“Just hear me out, okay? You haven’t been eating. You have thrown up several times in the past few days—” Hotch started before Reid cut in.

“He always said I was too fat anyway..” Reid blurted out, making everyone look up with concern before shock crawled onto his own face. He obviously didn’t mean to say that out loud.

Hotch was the most surprised. Finally, the struggle Reid went through to eat anything, something, in order to gain weight made sense. He didn’t understand why Reid never said anything before now. “Baby.. You know you aren’t fat right? You have never been overweight in your life. I have seen pictures of you as a child and teenager. You have been underweight most of your life.”

Reid just shrugged, avoiding eye contact.

“Can I ask you a question?” Hotch said and Reid nodded yes. “Did he ever make you skip meals or say you were not allowed to eat?” Hotch asked cautiously and Reid nodded his head yes again, still not looking up from his lap. Instead, he rubbed his leg in a rhythmic motion.

Hotch looked up at the team, who were trying not to stare directly at Reid. They all looked pissed. This whole time they thought his eating issues came from his own low sense of self-worth, not one that was imposed on him by his father. Hotch sighed, swallowing his anger. “I am sorry that he did that, but it wasn’t because of how you looked. It was simply another way to try and control you.”

“I know.. C-can we drop it?” Reid said in a hushed tone.

“Okay.. you really should go back to the hotel though. You had to see your father twice and he punched you in the face one of those times.” Hotch said in a gentle tone, trying hard to not let his anger for William Reid show in his voice. “I think your father being held in the same building that you are working in isn’t helping you either.. Now we just profiled your father just to find out there is a new body, meaning that he probably isn’t the unsub..”

“Just a fucked-up man..” Emily whispered, earning a glare from Hotch.

Reid didn’t seem to notice, “He did do this.”

“Reid..” Hotch started

“No. I know he did. Go ahead, do your profiling and investigating but I know he did this.” Reid said, leaving little room for argument.

After a quiet minute, JJ moved forward. “Spence, how about I take you back to the hotel? It is already getting late and I can finish my work there.” She said, eyeing Hotch for reassurance about her idea. “We could get some dinner, maybe even go swimming while there is still sun. What do you say?”

“Fine.” Reid huffed out, clearly angry. He stood up and grabbed his bag and roughly put it over his shoulder as he headed towards the door.

“Reid don’t be that way. You know this is for the best.” Hotch said in a stricter yet still calm voice.

“What is for the best? Huh? That I get out of the way, so I stop impeding on your investigation with my daddy issues?” Reid almost yelled.

Hotch stood up, “That is not what this is about. We need to look at all aspects—”

Reid cut him off, “All aspects of the investigation and profile. I know!”

“Clearly you don’t as you have already concluded who the unsub is without proper evidence,” Hotch said, letting his anger seep into his words.

“I did provide proof! Besides that I should be proof enough! All of the victims look like me and the latest victim had the same shoulder wound that I just showed him yesterday!”

“Reid.”

“No! Don’t Reid me. You just don’t want me and my fucked-up issues getting in the way anymore!” Reid said before flinging the door open and quickly leaving, making his way to the parking lot without looking back.

Hotch sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “JJ, please take him to the hotel and get him to eat something. And.. Just keep an eye on him.”

“Of course,” JJ said, gathering a stack of files before heading out of the door as well.

“Alright. Rossi I need you to go to the crime scene and Morgan and Prentiss to the ME. They are already moving the body there. Keep me updated.” Hotch said, giving them a look that left no room for arguments.

Within a few minutes, the team had cleared out of the conference room, leaving Hotch alone with his thoughts. He was unsure of what to do. He knew he wasn’t wrong in his decision for Reid to go back to the hotel and to not put all of their time into thinking William was the unsub when he had no real proof, but it still felt wrong. He decided to go ahead and call Garcia like he planned before they found out about the newest victim.

_“At your service, my liege! How may I help?”_ Garcia’s cheerful voice boomed through Hotch’s phone speaker.

“Garcia, I need you to look into William Reid’s background, spending history, web history, everything,” Hotch said into the phone.

_“William Reid.. As in that William Reid”_ Hotch could already hear Garcia typing away as she spoke, _“Oh, how I hate that man. Can I pleeeaaaseeee put a virus on his computer while I am there?”_

“As much as I would like to destroy every part of his life, you can’t do that.”

_“Talk to me, G-man. What happened?”_

“Garcia,” Hotch said sternly

_“Ohh come on. I have no idea what happened, Derek hasn’t called me since lunch, and something is clearly bothering you. I am still working. So with the highest level of respect, spill it.”_

Hotch huffed, “We had to interview William Reid again. He said some horrible things but Spencer started to stand up for himself, then William punched Spencer in the face and—”

_“He did what?! Ohh! If I ever get my hands on that slimy dirtbag…”_ Garcia yelled, interrupting Hotch. _“Oh, sorry. Continue.”_

Hotch cleared his throat, hiding a laugh. He always found Garcia amusing and he secretly liked her bold and honest words and actions. “Well William was arrested, and Spencer shut down for a bit. We started to profile William and thought he could be the unsub, but a new victim was found that was murdered when William Reid was already with us. And I suggested to Spencer that he go rest at the hotel and he yelled at me and left.”

_“Boy Wonder, you drama queen. He can be positively childish and passive-aggressive when he is upset. You remember when he refused to talk to Derek after he finished off the coffee on the jet and replaced it with dirt?”_ Garcia asked, laughing that the memory. _“Just give him some time Boss.”_

“Thanks, Ga—”

_“Ding Ding, we have access!”_ Garcia said, cutting Hotch off again. _“Alright.. Bank account looks pretty normal, boring really. No money issues.. No large debts. Blah blah.. Computer seems pretty boring too. No kiddie porn, no memberships to illicit websites.. Hmm.. He does have a large amount of information on one topic.”_

“What is that?”

_“Our Boy Genius. This is massive. He seems to have everything that has ever been published with his name or picture on it. I have news broadcasts with him in the background, recorded lectures, even pictures of him from local papers back when he was a child. One from when he graduated High School, one from every degree he earned. It’s kinda creepy..”_

“Are the videos and photos public or did he take them himself?” Hotch asked. He wasn’t sure what to make from that.

_“They seem public. I have already found a few of the videos on YouTube.”_

“Okay.. Anything else?” Hotch asked, slightly upset that there was nothing incriminating on William’s computer.

_“I am looking and nope. He seems like your run of the mill, average guy. He doesn’t go out much. Has a Ford, ew. Owns a condo. Nothing about this seems like the perverted horrible man we know him to be.”_

“Well alright. Thanks.”

_“No problem, captain! Over and out!”_ Garcia said as she hung up the phone.

“Captain?” Hotch said out loud before returning to the folders. After a few minutes of flipping through the case files and then looking over the maps Reid made, he decides to go ahead and call Morgan and Emily. He needed more information than what they already had.

_“Morgan”_

“Anything?” Hotch said when Morgan answered the phone.

_“The ME is still working. She did say it seems to be just like the body from earlier today. He is tall, skinny, brown hair, pale skin. Just like the others. Oh, hold on… Okay, we just got ID. Drew Anderson, 24. I will have Garcia send the info your way.”_

“Good. Anything on the time of death?” Hotch asked

Hotch could hear Morgan asking the medical examiner before he came back on the line, _“No man. She knows it was a few hours ago but it’s not for sure if it was before William got to the police station or after. What about you?”_

“I had Garcia go ahead and look into William Reid’s life and she said it comes back with nothing. He did, however, have a large collection of papers, articles, and pictures of Reid. They were all public knowledge though.”

_“So.. do you think he was just being fatherly or stalker-y?”_ Morgan asked, sounding a little upset.

“I am not sure.. I think he might have been collecting evidence that Reid has done well in life. Like he was the one to make him into who he was today.”

_“Like Buford..”_ Morgan said, remembering how Buford told him that he was where he was because of him.

“Exactly.. You heard him. He seemed proud of what he taught Spencer.”

_“I want to nail his head to a stick. I am so pissed that we were all right there and he still punched him in the face.”_

Hotch sighed, “You are not alone. Thanks.” He said before hanging up the phone. A few minutes later he heard the fax machine printing the papers about the newest victim. Hotch looked over the paperwork and was shocked again by how similar the victim looked to Reid.

Hotch spent the next hour combing over details of the victim’s life, making calls, setting up interviews before Rossi came back from the crime scene.

Rossi was holding a mug of coffee as he walked in, sitting down across from Hotch, “There wasn’t much, Aaron. The dumping site was easier to get to than the other dumping sites in the Red Rock Canyon National Conservation Area. He wasn’t buried again and this time there wasn’t a note. It might have been done in a hurry.”

Hotch nodded, “I think we need to talk to William again. I want to know where he was before coming here.” He said, already moving to the door. Rossi didn’t bother to argue, he just followed the unit chief as they made their way to the holding cells, but they didn’t see William Reid in any of the cells.

“Sheriff Bradley,” Hotch said when he spotted the sheriff walking by.

“I was just coming to check on you feds. How is the investigation going?” The sheriff said.

Hotch ignored his question, “Where is William Reid? He was being held and charged for assaulting a federal agent.”

The Sheriff furrowed his brow, “What do you mean? They didn’t tell you? He was released about half an hour ago.”

“What?” Rossi said, sounding dumbfounded.

Hotch was beyond angry, “That man punched my agent and you just let him go?” He hissed out at the sheriff.

“Listen, we didn’t have a choice. His one phone call was to a judge in the area that told us to cut him loose.”

“No. You listen—” Hotch started before his phone rang, “Hotchner.” He answered without looking at the caller ID.

_“Hotch we have a problem.”_ It was JJ. She didn’t even wait for him to reply before she kept going, speaking too fast to be fully understood. _“Spence went to the lobby to get some more coffee and he didn’t come back up, so I went to check on him. The front desk said he left with an older man that looked a little like him and—”_

“JJ, slow down. What are you trying to stay?” Hotch asked

_“Spence is missing, and I think his father took him!”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have nothing to say for myself...  
> Let me know what you think!   
> Ohh but the title is another Twenty One Pilots song because I find it fun.


	13. Level of Concern

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I switched to calling Reid "Spencer" when William Reid and Spencer Reid are in the same scene so there is no confusion.

_“Spence is missing, and I think his father took him!”_ JJ yelled into the phone.

Hotch saw red. He could feel his blood pumping through his veins. _Again. Not again. Not Spencer. Fuck!_ He thought as he told JJ to call Morgan and Emily to meet up at the hotel, hanging up the phone.

“What happened?” Rossi asked

“Reid is missing. JJ thinks William took him from the hotel lobby.” Hotch said. He was trying hard to hold together. Upset and worry were quickly replaced by anger at the thought of Reid alone with his father. _He punched him in front of three FBI agents, and told us intimate details of his abuse, how in the hell was he going to act when he was alone with him._ Rossi didn’t even respond, just followed Hotch out of the door as they rushed to the SUV.

They made it to the hotel in record time, quickly going inside and finding JJ, who was talking to the staff. She had already called the local PD, who were canvassing the area. “JJ, what happened?” Hotch asked her once he was close enough.

“We were in his hotel room, everything was fine. He didn’t feel like doing anything. We ate a little, but he went to make some coffee and couldn’t find the complementary packets for the coffee maker, so he came down here. I was working. It couldn’t have been more than ten minutes before I came to check on him.” JJ explained. She looked positively distraught. “They are pulling up the security feed now.”

“Good. JJ, this isn’t your fault, okay? I have a feeling that this was planned.” Hotch said, struggling to keep his stoic disposition.

“Why do you say that?” Rossi asked.

“We had coffee packets this morning, at least 3 bags. Did he make any when you guys were upstairs?” Hotch asked JJ.

JJ thought for a second before answering, “No. I remember the first thing he did when we got in the room was complain that the coffee packets were gone. It wasn’t until later that he looked again and decided to go get more.”

After hearing that Hotch turned to the receptionist, “Did anyone ask for a key card copy for room 663 today?”

The receptionist started typing on her computer, “Yeah around 9 am. He provided his ID to prove his last name was Reid before the copy was given.”

“Shit,” Morgan said, surprising JJ, Hotch, and Rossi. They hadn’t noticed that Morgan and Emily had arrived and were standing next to them.

“I don’t understand how that could have happened,” Emily said

“The rooms are booked under last name only to protect against.. well this,” JJ explained.

“So are we saying that bastard came here, got a copy of the key just to take the coffee packets, and then waited down here for the moment Reid came down alone to get more? That is pretty risky. It's just coffee.” Morgan asked.

"It's Reid and coffee," Emily interjected with a small laugh. 

Rossi spoke up next before Hotch, “No. I think William Reid murdered and dumped the first adult victim, came by here, and took the coffee before going out and murdering and dumping the second adult victim just in time to come in for the interview. Then he came by here after getting a judge to let him out of holding and waited for the kid.”

“You still think he is the unsub?” Emily asked

“Without a doubt,” Rossi said with confidence before one of the hotel staff told them they got the security footage ready. They all piled around a small computer in the back-staff room of the hotel. Hotch, being the closest to the screen, hit play.

They watched the poor-quality video intensely. After a few seconds, they saw Reid come into the shot. He was waiting in line to speak with the receptionist when they saw him look to the side. Something had gotten his attention. He froze as an older looking man walked up to him. It was William Reid. He reached out to touch the bruise he left on his son’s cheek, but Reid backed up, putting his arms out in front of himself in a defensive manner. Suddenly William moved forward, throwing his arm over Reid’s shoulder. Any onlooker would have thought it was a friendly gesture. They watched as Reid tensed up before slumping slightly on to William and started to struggle to walk as William led him out of the building.

“He was drugged,” Morgan said once the two couldn’t be seen anymore on the screen.

The fear and silence hung in the air before Hotch jumped up from his chair so fast that it knocked over onto the floor. He slammed his fist down on the table and yelled, “Damnit!”

“Hotch, man. It’s alright. We will find him.” Morgan said, trying to calm him down.

“I can’t believe this is happening again..” JJ said quietly to herself.

“The kid is strong. He has lived through William’s torture before, he can do it again.” Rossi said

Hotch took a deep breath, “JJ, he left his phone in the room, didn’t he?”

“Yes, sir. I found it in his bag.”

“The one time he doesn’t take his bag with him..” Emily said in a huff.

Morgan nodded, “We need to get the kid a tracker implant after this.”

“Morgan, call Garcia and catch her up on the way back to the police station with Rossi and me. Have her try and track down William. JJ, help the PD with the search of the area and see if you can get any more footage from the hotel. Prentiss, go over this footage again and see if anything stands out.” Hotch ordered. He didn’t even stop for confirmation before leaving, making his way back to the SUVs.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Spencer woke up confused. The last thing he remembered was seeing his father in the hotel lobby. His eyes were heavy and blurry. He felt hungover. _Shit.. I was drugged.. Probably just a mild sedative but damn.. this must be some type of kidnapping record. Who the hell gets kidnapped twice in less than six months?_ Spencer thought. He knew the statistics on kidnappings but didn’t feel like thinking about it. He also didn’t want to think about the fact that he was only wearing his boxers and his wrists were zip-tied together with one of his ankles zip-tied to the bedpost. Instead, he focused his energy on trying to figure out where he was before his father came back.

He was laying on a bed that had clean looking sheets. The room looked like a master bedroom. He could see an open ensuite bathroom door and two other closed doors. He figured that one was the way out and the other was a closet. The room had two windows with closed sheer curtains. He tried to focus out of the window, but he couldn’t see much. He could tell he was on the second floor, probably a single-family house. He couldn’t see any other buildings outside the window, but he did see some desert and sky. It seemed familiar for some reason. The whole room did actually. It reminded him of his childhood home, but it wasn’t the same.

 _A house in my old neighborhood maybe? Why would he have bought another house in the same neighborhood? No.. He wouldn’t have taken me somewhere that he owned. That would be too obvious._ Spencer thought before it suddenly hit him. _Fuck.. Maybe this is Riley Jenkin’s old home.._ He remembered reading about Riley’s home life in the case file. His father killed himself a few years after Riley went missing and his mother went out of state. She couldn’t stand being around everything that reminded her of her lost son. The house was owned by her, but she refused to go into the home after Riley went missing. She kept it just in case he came home one day, similar to what Spencer was doing with his childhood home.

Spencer’s thoughts were cut off by the bedroom door opening. “Hi, Pen.” William Reid said as he entered, smirked sinisterly. He walked up to Spencer and ran his fingers up his body. Starting at his left foot, running up his leg until he got to the still healing cuts on Spencer’s thigh. “Come on, Pen. Why do you do this to yourself?” William asked, not expecting an answer. He kept moving his hand up, on to his purple plaid boxers, purposely grazing over his flaccid penis. “I see puberty did you well.” He commented before stopping at the scar on his stomach. “You know I was rather shocked to see all of these scars on you. Who ruined you, Pen? Who tried to claim you as their own?” William asked.

Spencer didn’t answer, thinking that his father’s question was rhetorical. Suddenly William punched Spencer in the stomach, right over the scar. “I fucking asked you a question. Who did this?”

Spencer tried not to make a sound as he was hit but he couldn’t help the gasp and coughing that followed. As soon as he was able to get his breath back enough to answer, he said, “H-Hankel, Sir. A man from a c-case I was on.”

“Tell me more,” William demanded, rubbing the scar on Spencer’s flat, almost hairless stomach.

“He kidnapped me and held me for about a week. H-he hung me by my wrists and w-whipped me. When I tried to escape, h-he stabbed me before I k-killed him.” Spencer said in a quiet and fearful voice.

“What else, Pen? Tell me now.”

“He.. He raped me several times.. I am sorry, Sir.” Spencer answered but he wasn’t sure why he felt the need to apologize.

William looked angry but didn’t say anything. He kept moving his hand up Spencer’s torso, giving his neck a small squeeze before saying, “Rollover.” Spencer immediately rolled over the best he could with his ankle attached to the bed. Once he did, William started running his hands over the scars on his back. Gently dusting over every whip scar before getting up to the scar that covered where William’s bite scar used to be.

Spencer just laid there, not that he had any other choice. His father was being almost kind. Gently touching his scars, it was slightly soothing, but he knew something worse was coming. Something worse always happened when he was alone with his father. Suddenly William got on to the bed and swung his leg over Spencer, straddling his behind. Spencer almost screamed but held it in. He tensed up, not knowing what was about to happen. Then he felt William move his hand to the middle of his back and rub a spot of skin that did not have a whip scar. He got something out of his pocket before Spencer felt a cold metal touching his back.

This time he couldn’t hold in the screams.

William had placed a knife against Spencer’s back, cutting several deep marks. Spencer tried to focus on the movement instead of the pain, but it was little help. Tears ran down Spencer’s cheeks on their own as he screamed for his father to stop. After four slanted deep cuts, William put the knife back in his pocket and started to laugh darkly. Spencer tried to get his breath back but gasped loudly when William pressed his fingers into the cuts and hissed out, “Good boys don’t cry.. Shut the fuck up.” He grinded his crotch against Spencer’s ass for a moment before climbing off of him and looking over his work.

“Now who’s are you?” William asked, rubbing the blood around on his back.

Spencer remembered the old line immediately, “I-I am yours, Sir.” He answered.

William grinned at Spencer’s submission, “Good Pen. You are marked again, and I will never let you get rid of this one. You are mine for good. Mine to control. Now, what do you say?”

“Thank you, Sir. I deserved that.” Spencer said the rehearsed line before William laughed again and left. Spencer laid there on his stomach letting his tears fall. His back felt on fire and he could feel the warm blood running down his back to the mattress. Spencer felt his eyes getting even heavier from the mix of drugs still in his system and pain. Before he gave into the darkness it occurred to him what his father carved into his back.

He carved a “W”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shorter chapter but at least it's sooner than normal :D  
> Let me know what you guys think!  
> You all rock!  
> I will try and get out the next chapter ASAP. I love writing these dark scenes XD


	14. Heathens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh.. sooo this is a little fucked up. Read Responsibly.

Three hours. It had been three hours since Reid was taken by his father, and they had no leads as to where he could be. The team was gathering in the conference room to debrief after spending the past three hours following any lead they could find. Garcia looked through William’s background with a fine-tooth comb. JJ and Emily had been at the hotel and surrounding areas trying to find any witnesses and video surveillance and Rossi, Morgan, and Hotch had been interviewing William’s associates and friends. To their surprise, everyone they spoke too thought William was a stand-up guy. They all went on and on about how great a person, lawyer, and friend he was.

Hotch was the last one at the conference table. To say he was stressed out would have been an understatement. He was beside himself with worry. His hair was in disarray from running his hands through it, his suit jacket had been long forgotten and his tie was loosened with his sleeves rolled up haphazardly. He would have taken off his tie as well, but it just happened to be one of Reid’s ties and he felt slightly closer to the young man while wearing it.

Hotch plopped down in the office chair with a huff, “So what do we have?”

The team, including Garcia who was on a laptop screen near Morgan, sat in silence, just eyeing each other for someone to come forward with information. Finally, Rossi spoke up, “We don’t have anything Aaron.”

Then Morgan chimed in next, “We have had officers search William’s house, his office, known hangouts, his friend’s homes, even Reid’s childhood home. Nothing. His car is still at his own house as well.”

“I spoke with Spence’s mom.” JJ said with her voice still laced with sadness, “She hadn’t seen Spence or William, but we assigned two officers to keep guard just in case they show up there.”

 _“I am sorry lovelies. I have come up with squat as well. William Reid looks like an everyday blue and true American. He also has not made any credit card purchases in the past few days and his bank account remains untouched. I have put an alert on both so I will know if he does use them.”_ Garcia said through the computer speaker.

Emily flipped through a case file in front of her, “The ME finished the tox screen on the two adult victims from today. Butabarbital, a mild sedative, was found in their system. It was probably the same drug that William used on Reid. The techs that went over William’s place came up with nothing though.” Emily said, handing Hotch the reports.

Hotch flipped through them before pushing them aside. “I spoke with Strauss and as long as there are no more victims we are working under the assumption that William Reid is the unsub. I do believe that these victims were supposed to be surrogates for Spencer, but he killed them when they didn’t live up to his expectations..” Hotch said.

Sadness was hanging heavily in the room, “This is so much harder than when he was taken by Hankel..” JJ said what everyone else was thinking.

“At least then we knew what was happening, that he was alive.. He could be dead for all we know..” Emily said and Morgan elbowed her, shooting his eyes towards Hotch, who looked as if he was going to break down any second.

“Hotch, man. I am sure he is fine. He survived William Reid’s abuse for years when he was just a child, he can do it again as an adult.” Morgan said.

Hotch just stared down at the closed file in front of him. He hated his team seeing him in this emotional state. He was supposed to be the strong, stoic, unit chief. Unshakeable to everything he faced in order to lead his team with power and a level head, but he couldn’t stop how he felt.. This was different from when he was taken by Hankel. Then he was just a crush. Just another member of the team. Now, he was his boyfriend. He loved Spencer with his whole heart and didn’t know how he could ever live without him. It didn’t help that the last time the two spoke, it was an argument.

Hotch, in front of his whole team, buried his face in his hands, and started to cry.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When Spencer woke up he couldn’t see light outside of the window anymore. The room he was in was almost completely dark, which didn’t help the fog he felt in his head. He knew he was taken around 5:30 pm but he had no idea how long he had been there. _The sunsets 7:56 pm in Las Vegas this time of year so it is safe to assume it is at least 8 pm, possibly later._ Spencer thought to himself before he felt a hand comb through his hair. He tried to move away but the hand took a firm grip of his hair, pulling roughly and stilling him.

He tried to focus in the dark room enough to see what was happening. After a moment he saw his father sitting on the bed next to him. He looked completely calm as he raked his fingers through Spencer’s long golden-brown hair. “Shh.. Relax Pen.” William said in a calming voice.

Spencer immediately froze, letting his father do as he wished but he could feel himself shaking with fear. “P-please, Sir.. Y-you need to l-let me go…” Spencer said in almost a whisper. His voice was trembling.

“No. I have spent too long trying to replace you. Now that I have you back under my control, I will not let go.” William said as he continued to brush Spencer’s hair with his hand.

Spencer tried to think of his negotiating training and the team’s profile of his father, but it was hard to think past the fear in his mind. _What does that even mean, ‘spent too long trying to replace you’? So he IS the unsub and he killed those boys because they weren’t a good enough surrogate for me? Meaning that if I do not live up to what he wants, he will kill me too._ “Sir, is this Riley’s old house? They will look for us here.”

William stopped brushing Spencer’s hair for a moment, as he looked in thought, before continuing, “I doubt it. I know they didn’t find Riley’s body in that desert. I bet they don’t even think he is a _victim_ ” William said, making the word victim sound as if it was supposed to have quotation marks around it.

 _We are in Riley’s house and he did kill him! Damnit! Okay.. think.. Maybe he will tell me more…_ Spencer thought before starting to ask, “Where is h—” but was swiftly cut off by a smack to the face.

“Shut up, Pen. Good boys don’t talk.” William said calmly as if he didn’t just smack his son in the face. Spencer did as he was told and tried to relax under his father’s soothing hand brushing through his hair. He closed his eyes and tried to pretend it was his mom, or Aaron or even JJ, but it was to no avail. After a few minutes, William started to talk again, “Your hair has always been soft. Like a woman’s but nothing like your mother’s. Her hair was wiry and unkempt. Disgusting really…” Spencer had to bite his lip from speaking out about his father’s disrespect towards his mom. “I liked your hair shorter though. This is just too long.” William said, pulling slightly on Spencer’s shoulder-length locks.

He released his hair and climbed out of bed, flicking a small light in the corner of the room on. The light was dim, but it still hurt Spencer’s eyes. William then took the knife back out of his pants pocket and unfolded it, walking back to Spencer on the bed. His eyes grew wide and he couldn’t help the begging that came out of his mouth, “P-please, Sir! Don’t hurt me! I will do whatever you say!”

William laughed at his son’s begging before climbing back on to the bed and straddling Spencer’s stomach. “Oh, I know you would do whatever I wanted. You are well trained but still so stupid. You know there is no point in begging, Pen. If I want to hurt you, I will.” He said before punching Spencer in the face with his free hand. Spencer whimpered, trying hard to stay quiet, but before he could do anything William grabbed a fistful of Spencer’s hair and started cutting it roughly with the knife. Spencer stayed silent and still, with his eyes closed tightly. He knew that one slip could cause his father to cut his head or face. After several jagged cuts through different areas of his hair, William stopped, leaned up, and looked at his handy work. “Hmm.. Much better. I like it short.”

Spencer wanted to cry. He loved his long hair and so did Hotch. He would spend nights running his hands through the long curls to soothe Spencer. He would help him dry it and brush it when he got out of the shower and would laugh when Spencer woke up with messy bed head. Instead, Spencer said the line he was trained to say, “Thank you, Sir.”

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Spencer felt numb, despite the pain in his face and back. His father sat with him for some time, fingering through his now short hair and letting his hands wander on his son’s body. They weren’t outright lewd, but Spencer still hated it. He would rub his torso scar or trace the new “W” on his back or wrap his hand around Spencer’s throat just enough to cut off his airflow for a few seconds. He would even take Spencer’s arms or shoulders into his mouth and bite him, stopping just before he started to bleed. William seemed to be thrilled at the level of submission Spencer was showing. It was clear that William wanted complete control of Spencer and was gentler when that was what he was given, so that is what Spencer did. He stayed silent and unmoving.

Spencer had no sense of time but based on the position of the moon he could see outside of one of the windows, it was about 11 pm when his father finally got up and left him alone saying, “Get some rest while you can Pen, I have a lot planned for you.” Before he closed the door behind him. He heard his father walk down the hall and then down a set of stairs, hearing the sound of his bare feet stepping across the hardwood floor getting quieter and quieter. Once Spencer could no longer hear his father, he broke down in tears. Sobbing harshly but silently in the room alone.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hotch stepped out of the police station with JJ in order to regain his composure. He knew he couldn’t let his emotions get in the way of finding Reid. He also knew that Reid was most likely having to follow any order he was given in order to stay alive and on his father’s good side.

The BAU team worked diligently to find Reid late into the night. It was about midnight before Rossi pulled Hotch to the side, “Aaron, I think we need to call it a night.”

Hotch grew furious at the idea of stopping, “What the hell are you talking about Dave? If you are too tired to keep going than leave but we need to find Spencer. We are not stopping.”

Rossi just huffed, “Listen, the kid has been missing for about seven hours. The team has been working since early this morning. They need a break. A few hours to rest. The local PD can continue searching while we are gone.”

“No. The first 24 hours are the most crucial in a kidnapping. His likelihood of surviving past that are almost nonexistent.” Hotch said, still angry. 

“That is not the case here. As long as Reid complies, which you know he will, William will keep him alive. He is like a trophy to him. I have no clue what caused him to leave when he was ten, but it is clear that he has wanted him back. I bet once the bodies started to show up William knew it wasn’t long until he was caught so he filed that lawsuit against Reid to ensure that he came here. He might have even got himself locked up on purpose to have Reid lower his guard. Either way, William has spent a lot of time and effort into getting Reid, he is not going to kill him off that quickly.” Rossi said.

Hotch knew he had a point. He knew that William would most likely keep Reid alive and just hide him somewhere, probably in the hopes of controlling him forever. William has already had seven hours alone with him. He could be anywhere in the country or right under their noses. They had no way of knowing. More interviews couldn’t be done until morning, searches of associates' homes were not approved until morning as well and they still had no leads.

“Fine.” Hotch said after a few minutes, “I am not leaving though. I will sleep right here. I would never forgive myself if he called and I wasn’t here to answer.

Rossi grinned, “I thought you might say that. One of the officers is already bringing a mat over from the holding cells for you.”

Hotch reached out and put his hand on Rossi’s shoulder, “Thank you.” He said, before making his way back to the team. “I want everyone to head back to the hotel. Get some rest and meet back up here at 6 am. Keep your phones on.”

The team all gave their understandings before filing out the room. All except for JJ, “I am staying too” she said.

“JJ, you need to rest as well.” Hotch said, watching an officer bring in a mat for him before leaving the two alone again.

“Like you are resting? Hotch, I was the last one with Spence, again. With Hankel and now with William, I was the one there that was supposed to keep an eye on him, and I failed. I can’t just leave.” JJ said. She sounded incredibly upset but determined.

Hotch softened his face and voice, “You didn’t fail him. He has told me before that he didn’t blame you for Hankel at all and I know he wouldn’t blame you for this. Both times he left on his own accord. There is nothing you could have done.”

JJ gave Hotch a small smile for his kind words before saying, “I will sleep on the sofa.”

Hotch looked over at the small sofa, “You can’t possibly sleep on that.”

“If 6’1” Spence can curl up and sleep on it, my 5’7” self can fit just fine.” JJ said with a small laugh.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Wakey wakey, Pen!” William said as he came through the door to Spencer’s homemade prison. Spencer opened his eyes immediately, wincing at the orangish-yellow light coming from the window. _Sunrise. The sun rises at about 5:45 this time of year.._ Spencer thought to himself. He found comfort in knowing what time it was.

Spencer spent most of the night trying to think of some way to escape. He tried a technique Morgan showed him to get out of zip-ties but after rubbing his wrists raw and leaving the scar tissue from his handcuff scars burning, he concluded that these zip-ties must be stronger than normal. He also tried to free his ankle every way he could think of, but nothing worked. The side table next to him was empty, except for a large empty water bottle, which he used to pee in after he couldn’t hold it anymore.

Spencer didn’t know if he was allowed to talk but he tested the waters anyway, “Good morning, Sir.” He said in a quiet, submissive voice, earning a grin from William as he eyed the young man up and down. Spencer was still in only his boxers and the look made him feel even more exposed.

Spencer watched as William put two items he was holding down on the bed, an old fashion satellite phone and a piece of paper with something written on it, before sitting at the edge of the bed. “Tell me something Pen, have you fucked your little boyfriend yet?”

Spencer was taken aback by the random question and it was evident on his face, “No, Sir..”

“Hmm.. how do I know if you are telling the truth?” William asked, as he started to rub Spencer’s leg, getting slightly higher to his crotch with every pass.

Spencer sighed; he knew what William wanted to hear but he didn’t want to say it. It wasn’t true but it didn’t have to be, it just had to fit his father’s ideal. “I-I-I would n-never willingly let another man claim w-what is yours..” He mustered out but felt like throwing up. William’s hand was now firmly rubbing his inner thigh, slightly under the leg of his boxers. Spencer stayed still, knowing that this was a test to his words.

“Good Boy,” William said as he pushed his hand further up the underside of his boxers, grabbing and stroking Spencer’s bare flaccid penis several times before letting go and letting his fingers slip lower. He spread Spencer’s legs and rubbed the rim of his hole for a few minutes before laughing and pulling his hand away. Spencer was visibly shaking. He hated this, but he had to stay calm and silent. “Read this.” William said, handing Spencer the paper that was on the bed.

He started to read the handwritten words and quickly realized that it was a scripted speech to Hotch. The words were low level, poorly written but the message was there. “I finished it, Sir.” Spencer said calmly but his mind was racing. _I need to find a way to get a message to Aaron. I need to tell him where I am at!_

William picked up the phone, “You are going to dial your little boyfriend’s cell phone, tell him exactly what was on that paper and then hand the phone back to me, got it?”

“Yes, Sir.” Spencer answered without hesitation. He knew saying what he was told to say would hurt Hotch but in the end, Hotch would know that it wasn’t his words.

William started to hand Spencer the phone before ripping it back away, “If you say anything, fucking anything, besides what you are told, I will slit your throat and the only thing your little boyfriend will find when he gets here is your worthless dead body.”

“I understand, Sir. I will always only say what you permit.” Spencer said as he was handed the phone again. He had an idea, but he didn’t know if the team would understand or even hear it. He looked up at William for confirmation that he was allowed to start the call before he dialed Hotch’s cell phone number. Spencer listened to the ring. He knew he would pick up by the third ring, giving himself enough time to set up a trace and record the call.

Right on cue, Hotch answered on the third ring, “ _Agent Hotchner._ ” Hotch said, struggling to sound confident.

As soon as Spencer heard Hotch’s voice, he felt a weight lift off his shoulders. He didn’t know just how much he needed to hear that voice. He didn’t have anytime to waste though. Immediately Spencer started his speech while also tapping on the side of the bulky plastic phone methodically. “Hello Agent Hotchner.” Spencer started.

“ _Spencer! Are you okay? Where are you?_ ” Hotch said quickly but Spencer didn’t stop.

“I am calling to say goodbye and to not look for me. I am already long gone.” Spencer said in an even and monotone voice. The silence on the other side of the phone was upsetting but he was sure that Hotch already figured out that these were not his words. “I never wanted to be your boyfriend. The whole thing was a joke. I only listen to one man and that man is not you.” Spencer continued, still tapping the side of the phone. He was struggling to keep it together, “I never loved you. I hate you.”

“ _I understand_ ,” He heard Hotch say as if it was a message to Spencer telling him that he knew what he was having to do.

“Goodbye, Agent Hotchner.” He finished, still tapping on the phone until the last second when he handed the phone over to William. He did his part.. now he just has to hope that the team can understand his message..

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hotch barely slept during the few hours he forced himself to lay down. He couldn’t stop worrying about Reid. His mind was racing, terrified of what was happening as he laid down and went to sleep. His mind flashed back to the video of Reid when Hankel had him, hung by his wrists, naked, covered in blood from being whipped and raped repeatedly, and drugged out of his mind.. There was no telling what William would do with Spencer. He could be treating him kindly and with love since he longed to have him in his grasp again for so long.. Or he could be doing all of the things he had dreamed to do to him since he left..

At 5 am Hotch gave up on sleeping. He left the conference room in search of coffee when he noticed his team coming through the door. Everyone was an hour early with coffee in hand, including.. Garcia.

“Garcia?” Hotch said as he watched the team shuffle into the police department.

“Ohh Bossman! I am so sorry! I should have told you, but I just couldn’t stay away any longer! Our Boy Wonder is missing, and I just had to come. I—” Garcia said, talking a mile a minute, before Hotch cut her off.

“Garcia.” He said sternly, making her stop, before his face grew gentle again. “Thank you. Spencer would love that you came here for him.”

They made their way back to the conference room to find JJ waking up as well. They all sat and drank their coffee in silence, trying to wake up enough to get to work when Hotch’s cell phone rang. They jumped into action. Garcia setting up her laptop for a trace, Morgan setting up to record the phone call and everyone else grabbing a headset to listen in. By the third ring, they were all set up and Hotch answered the phone, “Agent Hotchner.”

He was amazed, completely overcome with joy, when Spencer’s voice came through the speaker. He couldn’t help asking him how he was doing. He looked at his team, who were equally shocked, at least that was until Spencer started saying a clearly scripted speech. Hotch didn’t let it bother him. He knew this was just another ploy by William Reid as a way to further control Spencer. “I understand” He said before Spencer said good-bye. He heard a light tapping on the phone for a second before the man he hated start to speak.

“ _Hello, Agent._ ” William said into the phone. He was smiling widely.

“William Reid.. You need to let Spencer go. He never did—” Hotch started before William cut him off.

“ _Ah, ah, ah. He just told you he didn’t want you anymore. Your loss really. He is quite a catch. I am glad to see that he didn’t forget who he belongs to._ ” William said, before addressing Spencer, “ _Right, Pen? Who do you belong too?_ ”

Hotch could barely hear Spencer through the phone, “ _I am yours, Sir. Only yours.”_

Hotch felt his anger grow, “He isn’t yours! He is his own person!” Hotch yelled but William paid him no mind.

“ _So, Agent Hotchner. Your boyfriend—whoops, EX-boyfriend, told me that you got to fuck his little hole all the time. How was it? Will you miss it?_ ” William said, sounding sinister.

Hotch could hear William moving around before he heard a swallowed gasp from Spencer. _He is touching him.._ Hotch took a deep breath, he needed to be smart about this. “I never had sex with Spencer. He didn’t allow me.”

“ _Ohhh_ ,” William said, sounding thrilled, “ _Good Pen. Sounds like you were telling the truth. You are all mine, only mine._ ”

Hotch heard another swallowed gasp from Spencer before hearing him say, “ _Thank—ahh—Thank you, Sir._ ”

“Stop touching him!” Hotch yelled. He knew something was happening to Spencer and he couldn’t hold back his anger.

“ _Someone is still talking as if he is yours. He was never yours. I just let you borrow him. Right, Pen?_ ” William said before Spencer said, “ _Yes, Sir._ ” In barely a whisper. Hotch wasn’t sure if he actually heard him or not.

“William, you need to let him go. If you tell us where you are, we can say that you cooperated. You know kidnapping is not that large of a charge. With you being such a great lawyer and our word that you helped; it would barely be a slap on the wrist” Hotch lied.

“ _Don’t pretend like you don’t plan on charging me for those worthless kids' lives as well, Agent. I am not dumb._ ” William said through the phone. The team shared a look, they finally had conformation that William Reid was their unsub. With that also came the added fear of Spencer not only being alone with a known rapist but also a murderer.

Hotch started to continue his negotiation with William but William cut him off, “ _Tell me, have you at least gotten the chance to fuck his tight throat? Hmm.._ ” Hotch didn’t even get a chance to answer before he heard William addressing Spencer again, “ _Move, lay on your back with your head off the edge of the bed”_

He could hear the squeaking of the mattress springs as Spencer moved as he was told, “William! Stop this. He is your son. Your child. You can’t control him this way!”

Hotch’s pleas fell on deaf ears as William didn’t even acknowledge him, just continued with Spencer. “ _Good boy.. Open up now. Nice and wide… Mmm.. fuck… Better than I remember._ ” William moaned into the phone. The team could hear Spencer’s garbled sounds as his father had his way with his mouth.

Garcia typed a mile a minute but wasn’t able to trace the call, “I am coming up with nothing. I think he is calling from a satellite phone that is too old to have a GPS set up. I am trying to pinpoint the towers, but satellite phones don’t use typical cell phone towers..” Garcia said, trying not to break down in tears. JJ was already crying; Rossi had his arm around her shoulders to try and comfort her. Emily and Morgan looked as if they were going to throw up as they continued to listen to the sounds of William moan into the phone receiver. _“Fuck yes... Use your tongue… Mmmm shit…”_

Hotch also looked like he was going to throw up, “William Reid. You need to stop this. Look at your son, look at how unhappy he is. Don’t you want him to be happy?” Hotch tried to reason with the man that had his dick shoved down his boyfriend’s throat.

“ _Fuck.. Mmm do you think I care about his – mmm – happiness, Agent? Shit, if only you could see his throat bulge out on his – mmm fuck – neck from my cock. Fucking fantastic. You're - ahh - missing out._ ” William said before you could hear Spencer gasp for breath, finally having his airway cleared as William backed up.

“What is the point of this William?! Why are you doing this?!” Hotch yelled but William didn’t answer. He just continued to moan and breathe heavily before a smacking sound and whimpering gargles were all the team could hear. The sound got faster and faster. They all knew they were listening to William roughly rape Spencer’s throat, but no one said anything. Finally, William made a loud grunt and the movement died down..

Suddenly they heard choking than gagging, followed up by vomiting. “ _You worthless piece of shit!”_ William yelled before the team heard several smacking sounds and Spencer whimper. He was being hit for throwing up.

 _“Please, Sir! I am so sorry! I will be good!”_ Spencer begged, he sounded hoarse but also slightly child-like, similar to how he sounded during flashbacks. Hotch tried to yell for William but there was a loud crash and the line went dead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't hate me.  
> Let me know what you all think :D
> 
> Side Note: I am looking for fic recs, Criminal Minds, Reid-Centric. Prefer AU and longer fics rn but I am down for anything that you think I would like, or that you just like. Thanks!


	15. Message Man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uhhhh soooo this gets even more fucked up before it gets better. Read responsibly!

“William! Spencer! Shit..” Hotch said as he quickly hit the redial button on his cell phone in some attempt to get back in contact with his boyfriend’s kidnapper, but it was to no avail. “Fuck!” Hotch screamed, slamming his cell phone down hard on the conference room table. “Anything?!” He asked Garcia in a panic.

Tears started to run down Garcia’s face, “No.. I am so sorry.”

“How? How?! I was on the phone for well over the typical trace time! Why didn’t you find him?!” Hotch was basically screaming at Garcia at this point.

“Hotch!” Morgan yelled. “I know you are upset, we all are, but you can’t treat Garcia that way!”

“Aaron, you know William probably planned this out in advance. He most likely made that phone call knowing that it was untraceable.” Rossi said.

Hotch took a shaken breath, “I’m sorry, Garcia.. I just…” Hotch started but didn’t finish his sentence.

“Hotch, we should go back over what Reid said,” Emily said.

“What is the point? He was clearly repeating a scripted speech.” Hotch said, sounding defeated.

“She’s right, man. The kid is a damn genius. If there was any way to send us a message, he would know how.” Morgan said, taking his headset off and walking over to Garcia. “Baby girl, can you replay just where Reid was on the line,” Morgan asked.

Emily put her headset back on, clicking on the laptop in front of her. “And can you send me the section where William speaks?”

JJ gasps, “No, Emily. You can’t listen to that again. That was.. horrible.” She said, trying to dry her tears.

Emily looked around the room, “I will be fine. I don’t think Reid would want you, Garcia, or Hotch to listen to that again. You guys work on what he said, I will work on what William said.”

JJ just looked at Hotch, who nodded his head. “Thank you, Emily.” He said, walking over to Garcia.

“Everyone ready?” Garcia asked before she hit play. JJ went over to the whiteboard and started to write down everything Reid said. When the recording finished, the team looked at the board.

_‘Hello, Agent Hotchner. I am calling to say goodbye and to not look for me. I am already long gone. I never wanted to be your boyfriend. The whole thing was a joke. I only listen to one man and that man is not you. I never loved you. I hate you. Goodbye, Agent Hotchner.’_

Emily finished her transcript a minute later, having written it out on a piece of paper to be more discrete. She moved over and taped it on the whiteboard next to Spencer’s speech. “I didn’t write down the.. uhh.. moaning sections..” Emily said, purposely not looking at Hotch.

‘ _Hello, Agent. Ah, ah, ah. He just told you he didn’t want you anymore. Your loss really. He is quite a catch. I am glad to see that he didn’t forget who he belongs to._ _Right, Pen? Who do you belong too?_

_I am yours, Sir. Only yours._

_So, Agent Hotchner. Your boyfriend—whoops, EX-boyfriend, told me that you got to fuck his little hole all the time. How was it? Will you miss it? Good Pen. Sounds like you were telling the truth. You are all mine, only mine._

_Thank you, Sir._

_Someone is still talking as if he is yours. He was never yours. I just let you borrow him. Right, Pen?_

_Yes, Sir._

_Don’t pretend like you don’t plan on charging me for those worthless kids’ lives as well, Agent. I am not dumb._ _Tell me, have you at least gotten the chance to fuck his tight throat? Move, lay on your back with your head off the edge of the bed. Good boy.. Open up now. Nice and wide. Fuck. Better than I remember._ _Fuck yes. Use your tongue. Shit. Fuck. Do you think I care about his happiness, Agent? Shit, if only you could see his throat bulge out on his neck from my cock. Fucking fantastic. You're missing out._ Y _ou worthless piece of shit!_

_Please, Sir! I am so sorry! I will be good!’_

The team, except Garcia, stood in front of the board looking over each transcript. “I feel like throwing up..” JJ said as she read the section with William Reid and Emily nodded her understanding.

“Spencer says, ‘I am already long gone’” Hotch says as if he is thinking out loud.

Morgan sighed, “Listen, man. That was not him talking. He was just repeating—”

Hotch cut Morgan off, “I know.. But I remember one case we had, Spencer told us that the use of phrases such as ‘long gone, too far, left a while ago’ are too vague and often untrue. Meaning that they are probably still in the area.”

“Good, good but the rest of the speech just sounds like William airing out his own anger at you,” JJ said

Rossi was looking at the transcript Emily wrote, “So William here just sounds like he was trying to rub his control of Reid in your face. The only thing he really gave away was when he said, ‘Don’t pretend like you don’t plan on charging me for those worthless kids’ lives as well, Agent.’ Everything he says is about him. If he truly wasn’t the unsub than he wouldn’t have brought up the murders.”

“That doesn’t do us much good at this point..” Hotch said grimly, thinking about the conversation. Then he remembered something, “Garcia, can you go back to the section with Spencer and increase the background sounds?”

“Of course, my liege!” Garcia said, typing away and testing different sections out loud, “I am having a hard time. There is this tapping that the speaker keeps picking up and I can’t hear the background around it.”

“No, increase the sound of the tapping,” Hotch said before they heard a very quiet Spencer and a loud tapping noise.

“No way,” Emily said when she heard it, putting her hand over her mouth.

“Is that what I think that is?” Hotch asked

Rossi grinned and looked at Hotch, “That is Morse code.”

Morgan chuckled, “Great job, kid. I didn’t even know he knew Morse code.”

“He surprises me every day.” Hotch said, “Rossi, Prentiss, can you two translate this?”

“Of course,” Rossi said, and Rossi and Emily moved back to the whiteboard. Garcia played the tapping repeatedly until they finished. Emily wrote the tapping in dots and dashes and Rossi translated them. They backed away from the board and looked at what they had.

_‘ . - . . - . . - . - - . - - - . . . . - - . - . . - . . - . - - . - - - . . . . - - . - . . - . . - . - - . - - -_ ‘

_RLYJHMRLYJHMRLYJ’_

“Well, what the hell does that mean?” Morgan said.

“I think the message is just the first ‘RLYJHM” then he repeats it, probably just to guarantee we heard all of it,” JJ said, writing the letters on a different area of the board.

“I am looking, and I don’t see anything online about those letters..” Garcia said, still typing.

“Baby Girl, could it be a license plate number? Maybe all he knows is the plate of the car he was taken in.” Morgan asked.

“Let’s see. Let’s see.. That is a no go, handsome.” Garcia said.

The team continued to look at the letters on the board before JJ spoke up, “Maybe they are the beginning letters of roads he was taken on?”

Rossi looked over at the map but shook his head, “I doubt it.. He would just spell the name of the street if he knew that..”

“The kid is a genius; this could mean anything..” Morgan said. He was getting frustrated knowing that Reid was most likely being harmed as they tried to figure out his message.

“No. He would only say something that he knew we would understand.” Hotch said

Emily sighed and leaned against the conference room table, “How.. How do we even know he is of sound mind though? He could be being drugged or have a head injury..”

“Don’t Prentiss.” Hotch said in his unit chief voice, “Reid had a concussion and was drugged with Hankel and he still managed to free himself. I have no doubt that this message means something.”

A few minutes passed and all ideas the team came up with were improbable. They focused on the letters, moving them around, trying to remember symbols or events that they might stand for, but they were coming up with nothing. Hotch knew that the message was probably meant for him, but he didn’t know why.

Then it hit him, “Vowels. That is what we are missing.” Hotch said, earning several confused looks from his team as he moved to the board and wrote, ‘A, E, I, O, U’ on it. “He once told me that vowels were inconsequential to a word as long as you had consonants and context.”

Morgan chuckled, “Sounds just like him.”

“So what does that mean? We just have to plug in vowels until it makes sense?” JJ asked

Hotch didn’t even answer, he was already writing out all of the words he could think of with the letters Spencer provided.

Garcia did the same thing using a software program, “Okay, keeping the letters in order with no repeats, I have ‘Rue, Real, Roue, Re, Relay, Rely, Lie, You, Yay, Jiao, Homie, Home, Ham, Hue, Him, Hem, Moai, Mae, Ma’ … Most of these don’t make any sense, sir.”

“Let’s stick to words he would know we would understand right away,” Rossi said and Hotch started to cross off words that Reid wouldn’t use.

“Relay.. J… Him… These make no sense. Really the ‘J’. It just doesn’t fit.” JJ said

Morgan ran his hand over his shaven head, “J.. Baby Girl, did you include names in your word search?”

“No, I—” Garcia started but Hotch cut her off.

“That’s it!” He yelled in excitement. He walked to the board and put slashes between several of the letters before writing, ‘Riley J Home’. “Garcia—”

“Already on it, Riley Jenkins home.. looks like his mother still owns his childhood home and it has sat abandoned for about 15 years. Andddd the address was sent to your phones.”

“That has to be it!” JJ yelled

“Let’s go,” Hotch said, already leaving the conference room.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Spencer tried to shut it out, tried with everything he had to not think about what was happening, but he couldn’t. He could barely breathe with the cock being shoved in and out of his throat. The position he was in, on his back and head leaning off the edge of the bed, didn’t help the situation. It gave the most access to the farthest depths of his throat. It also strained his leg as he was bent uncomfortably due to the zip-ties around his ankle.

The sour and overly salty taste covered his tongue and the putrid, musty smell filled his nostrils. He couldn’t think past it. He knew his father was saying something to Hotch on the phone, but he didn’t want to acknowledge the fact that his boyfriend, his real family, was hearing what was happening to him.

The movement was getting faster and faster. There was nothing Spencer could do but stay still, open wide and hope for it to be over soon. Then it was. With a loud grunt, cum shot down Spencer’s throat and he started to choke on it. William pulled out of Spencer’s mouth, but it was too late. He was gagging, struggling to get his breath and before he could stop it, he was throwing up on the bedsheets.

“You worthless piece of shit!” William yelled before punching Spencer twice in the stomach and once in his already bruised face.

“Please, Sir! I am so sorry! I will be good!” Spencer begged. With his hands still zip-tied together and his ankle attached to the bed, there was little he could do to fight back against his father’s abuse. William threw the phone at Spencer, which smacked against his head before hitting the floor and breaking.

William jumped onto the bed and pushed Spencer’s face into his own vomit, “You think you can just throw up what I give you?! Did I fucking tell you that you could throw up?! No! I didn’t! Ungrateful little bitch!” William screamed before wrapping his hands around Spencer’s throat, choking him in a puddle of his own cum filled vomit. Spencer tried to fight, tried to push him off but he couldn’t. Before he knew it the world was turning black around him and he slipped into unconsciousness.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When Spencer woke back up his lungs burned. He was sure he aspirated on vomit and semen. He forced his mind around the burning and need to cough and tried to figure out how long he had been unconscious. The sun in the room looked close to the same as it was before he passed out, so he figured it hadn’t been long. His father wasn’t in the room though, which he was thankful for.

_I just need to stay alive. Just stay alive until Aaron gets here. I am sure they understood the message.. right? Garcia would have tried to isolate background sounds.. Rossi is a former Marine so he would understand Morse code… Aaron would understand the lack of vowels.. Right? Damnit.. he might not even remember our conversation about it… I always forget that other people don’t have my memory.. Mayb—_ Spencer’s thoughts were cut off by William coming back into the room.

Seeing the sinister look on William’s face made Spencer suddenly feel like a child again. Like he was just a little 10-year-old doing what he could to protect his mom. He knew he was a grown man, an FBI agent. He knew his mom was protected in her care facility and that the team most likely called for extra protections for her, but he couldn’t help the overwhelming fear he felt when he looked at his father.

Spencer was shaking as his father walked closer to the bed. He wanted to run, cry, scream, anything.. Something to get him to go away. William just silently got closer and started to strip out of his shirt. Spencer knew what was about to happen before William even said it. “Lay on your stomach,” William said in a dark voice.

_No, No, No,_ “No” Spencer was even surprised when he said ‘no’ out loud.

“No? No?! You are mine and you do what I say! Now roll the fuck over!” William yelled as he slid his pants off and held them.

Spencer found a strength he didn’t know he had as he looked at his father, the man that was about to rape him. “No! I am not yours and I never was! I let you hurt me so you wouldn’t hurt my mom, but she isn’t here! You will never be able to hurt her again!”

William just grinned, “I might not be able to hurt her, but have you forgotten that you are tied up and stuck here? You ARE mine!” He said as he took the knife out of his pants pocket before discarding them on the floor. Spencer froze. He knew William had it within himself to kill him. William unfolded the knife and got on top of Spencer, straddling his hips.

Spencer struggled not to move an inch as William started to drag the knife across his chest, back and forth, in different areas. William wasn’t pushing the knife down, just sliding it across his skin like a pendulum. Some of the swipes with the blade hurt slightly as dots of blood rose to the surface but others didn’t cut him at all. This was just another power move. As if William were telling Spencer that he could easily slice him open, but he was choosing not to. “You are so ugly, Pen. Disgusting. You have so many gross scars. You are still fat, still dumb, still worthless. You are nothing more than a toy for me. Something warm to stick my cock in.” William taunted, still running the blade over Spencer’s chest.

The strength Spencer had felt was fading. His hope was fading. William moved the knife downward, grabbing ahold of Spencer’s boxers and cutting them roughly along both legs and then pulling them off his lithe body. Spencer knew there was no stopping what was about to happen. He wanted to fight, to kick William off with his one free leg but he knew that he could easily stab Spencer in the chest or throat or wherever else he wanted to because he was, once again, in control.

Seeing the empty look in Spencer’s eyes, William laughed and moved him how he wanted. He climbed off Spencer, spread his legs, lowered his own boxers, and brutally penetrated Spencer. Spencer wanted to scream, the pain was almost unbearable but at the same time, he felt nothing. His body, once again, was being deduced to nothing more than a toy, a fuckable object. Tears started to run down his cheeks as his body was being used for someone else’s pleasure.

Suddenly the bedroom door swung open, “Aaron?” Spencer said so quietly; he wasn’t sure he even said it.

William never stopped thrusting in and out of Spencer. Not when Hotch yelled, “FBI!” Not when Hotch yelled, “Get off him or I will shoot!” Only when Spencer heard a single gunshot, did the man stop. Hotch shot William directly through the head, causing blood and brain matter to rain down on Spencer’s body and face.

Spencer looked up at William, who was still firmly planted inside his own body, and saw a gaping bullet wound in the middle of his forehead with blood pouring out, before the lifeless body dropped on top of his chest. Spencer could hear his name being called. He could see people moving around him, but he couldn’t move. He just laid there, frozen, covered in his now-dead father’s blood.

Then he passed out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At least he is dead now o.o   
> Let me know what you all think! I live off feedback.  
> Thank you!


	16. Isle of Flightless Birds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger: description of rape and all the normal ones.

The BAU team, except for Garcia who stayed at the police station, arrived at Riley Jenkin’s home within fifteen minutes of figuring out the code. They cut the sirens once they got into the neighborhood and agreed on a soft entry. They didn’t want William to hear them coming and kill Spencer. The team divided into two teams; Hotch, Morgan, and JJ took the front door while Rossi and Emily took the back. Hotch quickly picked the front lock, a skill that the others didn’t know he even had and led the other profilers inside. They started clearing out the rooms until they heard a rhythmic squeak of a mattress coming from upstairs.

Hotch didn’t even wait for the rest of the team. He was already running up the stairs, two at a time. He quickly found the closed door that held the sickening slapping sound of skin against skin and the horrifying moans of William Reid.

The sight Hotch saw as he opened the door would haunt him for the rest of his life. His boyfriend, the man he loved, being raped by his own father. Hotch thought he heard Spencer say something, but he didn’t pay it much mind as he was trying to get William to stop raping his son. “FBI!” Hotch yelled, following it up with, “Get off him or I will shoot!” Hotch barely gave it a full second before he fired, knowing perfectly well that he was going to shoot the bastard in the head.

The rest of the team had joined him upstairs at that point and were crowding around, “Spencer! Spencer!?” Hotch yelled after William’s dead body collapsed on to Spencer. He saw Spencer’s eyes fall closed and started to panic. “Morgan! Help me!” He yelled and the two men pulled William’s body off Spencer, ignoring the fact that they were also pulling him out of Spencer. Once William was on the floor, Hotch was back at Spencer’s side, “Spencer? Baby?” He said loudly but not in a scream.

Morgan felt for a pulse, “He is alive, Hotch. I think he just passed out. Medic! I need a Medic!” Morgan yelled, knowing that the EMTs they also called should have arrived by now.

JJ found a blanket and threw it over Spencer’s waist for his own modesty. Hotch kneeled near the front of the bed, rubbing the blood off Spencer’s face. Rossi got to work cutting the zip-ties right as the EMTs ran in. One stopped by William’s body, “Don’t bother, he is dead.” Morgan said, trying not to sound too happy about that fact.

“Sir, I need you to back up.” One of the EMTs said to Hotch as they tried to look Spencer over. Hotch reluctantly did as he was told, standing towards JJ.

“His hair..” JJ said quietly, finally getting a good look at Spencer. His long, beautiful hair was cut haphazardly. Some areas were quite short while others were barely touched. It looked horrible.

Hotch ignored JJ and tried to listen to what the EMTs were saying to each other, “Heart rate is good. Pulse ox?”

“Oxygen level is low, 84%. Lungs sound bad, probably fluid. Bleeding?” Another EMT said.

“Already slowed in the anal region, chest and wrist. A fair amount of blood loss from a wound on his back.” The first EMT said.

“Fluid in his lungs? Wound on his back? Will he be okay?” Hotch asked, still sounding panicked.

The EMTs ignored Hotch, too focused on moving Spencer to a stretcher. They took him out to the ambulance, Hotch following behind.

“Sir, you can’t ride with us. You can meet us at Sunrise Hospital.” The EMT said, starting to shut the door behind him but Hotch grabbed it.

“No. I am SSA Aaron Hotchner,” Hotch said, pulling out and showing the EMT his badge, despite the fact that his vest had FBI written on it in large white letters. “I am this man’s boss and boyfriend. I am coming with.” Hotch said sternly.

The EMT wasn’t having it though, “It doesn’t matter who you are, you cannot ride with us. He—”

Hotch cut the man off, “You don’t even know his name or medical history. I need to fill you in on the ride. He is autistic, goes nonverbal and—”

“Fine, just hurry up and get in.” The EMT gave in. Hotch didn’t want to pull the ASD card but he knew Spencer would understand. The ambulance ride was short, but it felt like hours. Hotch filled the EMTs in about Spencer’s name, date of birth, allergy to beta-lactams and not to give him narcotics, which was something Hotch and Spencer talked about after his kidnapping with Hankel. He also informed them about his past torture so they wouldn’t be caught off guard by the scars.

Once again Hotch was stuck standing in the hospital waiting room as his love was being wheeled away into surgery. They concluded on the ride that his lungs would need to be drained and that his back would need stitches. Hotch didn’t want to ask about what William could have possibly done to Spencer’s back.

Within a few minutes, Garcia, Morgan, and JJ came into the waiting room to see Hotch just standing by the surgery door. “Hotch, man. How is he doing?” Morgan asked as they walked up.

Hotch cleared his throat, “I am not sure. They are worried about his lungs.. I guess he aspirated on… uhh.. vomit and semen.”

Garcia covered her mouth with her hand as she gasped, “Oh my God, that is what we heard…”

“Did he wake up on the ride?” JJ asked, not wanting to think about Spencer’s sexual abuse.

“No.. His oxygen was low, but I don’t think that should have kept him unconscious..” Hotch said quietly. “They are going to give him stitches for his back and drain his lungs..”

“Will he be okay?” Garcia asked

“His injuries didn’t seem life-threatening” Hotch said but Garcia shook her head.

“No.. I mean… Derek told me that you guys walked in on his father… and that you shot him – thank goodness – but Spencer was right there and…” Garcia stammered out.

“If anyone can recover from this, it’s Spencer.”

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Two hours passed and still nothing from the hospital staff. Emily and Rossi had finished up at the Riley house, letting the local PD take care of the rest. Evidence of the adult victim’s murders were evident in the house, but they were still looking it over for evidence of the children’s murders, specifically Riley.

Hotch was pacing the halls of the waiting room. He gave up hiding his worry and just wanted to see his love. Morgan had just checked with the nurse’s station on Reid’s status, as they were getting annoyed with Hotch, but again he was told that someone would be out shortly. Just minutes before Hotch was about to blow up and arrest everyone in the hospital, a doctor came out to the waiting area, “For Spencer Reid!” He yelled; even though he was already looking at the group of FBI agents.

“How is he?” Hotch asked, not even bothering with formalities.

“I can tell you that he is stable. Unfortunately, I am unable to tell you anything else without his power of attorney’s authorization.” The doctor said.

The team had gathered around Hotch and the doctor. They all shared the same confused look. “What do you mean? Isn’t he awake? Can’t he just call us back there?” Emily asked but the doctor just huffed.

“Hotch, man. Aren’t you the kid’s power of attorney?” Morgan asked but the doctor answered, flipping open the chart he was holding.

“Spencer’s power of attorney is a ‘Jason Gideon’.” The doctor said.

“Gideon? You mean Reid never changed it?” Morgan said already annoyed.

Hotch just ignored him, “I am Spencer’s boss and boyfriend. I need to see him.”

“I cannot allow you to do that, sir.” The doctor said, also getting annoyed.

“I will break through that fucking door if you don’t let me back to see him right now!” Hotch yelled. He understood that the doctor had a job to do and he wasn’t allowed to break protocol but that didn’t matter to him. He needed to see Spencer.

The doctor held his ground, “Sir, don’t make me have to call security!”

Hotch got inches from the doctor’s face. “Call them! We are all FBI agents! Don’t make m—” Hotch yelled before he was cut off by someone in the doorway to the waiting room.

“Aaron, stop it.” The man said.

The whole team turned and there he was standing in the hallway, Jason Gideon. He was wearing his typical jeans and a button-up shirt. The only change was that he had grown out his facial hair.

“What—Jason?” Hotch was dumbfounded before anger settled back in. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“Clearly it’s because Spencer is in the hospital, again, and I was called as his POA,” Gideon said, walking up to the group and showing his ID, a normal driver’s license instead of an FBI badge. “I am Jason Gideon, now what happened? They wouldn’t tell me on the phone. Is Spencer okay?” He said with a hint of panic in his voice. Hotch dropped the issue for now as he just wanted to know about Spencer.

“I am Dr. Fisher. Are you okay with discussing Spencer’s health in front of these people?” The doctor asked, gesturing towards the team.

“Yeah, sure. Now, what happened?” Gideon hurried the doctor along.

Dr. Fisher opened Spencer’s chart again, “Spencer Reid came in via ambulance after being rescued from an assumed kidnapping. He—”

Gideon cut the doctor off, “You let him get kidnapped again! By who?!” He yelled at Hotch.

“William Reid,” Hotch said, letting the words hang in the air. Gideon’s eyes grew wide. It was clear that that was the last person he was expecting.

The doctor cleared his throat and kept going. “He was taken directly into surgery where thoracentesis was performed. In other words, his right lung was drained due to signs that he aspirated on an unknown fluid. He might have some difficulty breathing or chest pain for a few days, but he should have a full recovery. We also stitched up a wound on his back.”

“What was the wound?” Hotch asked

Dr. Fisher looked at Gideon before answering, “It was a knife wound in the shape of a ‘W’ in the middle of his back”

“Shit…” Morgan said quietly. They all knew that it was William Reid’s way of marking Spencer again.

The doctor kept going, “He has some cuts on his wrists from how he was restrained but they should heal fine. His ankle is bruised and might be strained, we will have to assess it when he walks. He has about twenty cuts on his chest, none of them are deep and should heal well with minimal scarring. He also has several bruises on his stomach and face but again, he should heal fine from them.” The doctor said before turning the page on the chart. “Lastly.. We ran a rape kit and it came back positive for penetrative oral and anal rape. He has some tearing, but it should heal just fine within the next week.”

“You let him get raped again! Damnit, Aaron! I told you to take care of him and not even six months later, you let him get kidnapped and raped again!” Gideon yelled. Garcia took a step back. She had never seen Gideon so angry.

“I didn’t let him get anything, Jason!” Hotch hissed. “You are the one that knew about what his father did, and you didn’t say anything! You knew back when Spencer could have taken legal action but no, you didn’t help him through his trauma or anything!” Hotch got increasingly closer to Gideon as he yelled.

“I didn’t know what happened and I still don’t! I just know that something did happen!” Gideon said, letting guilt replace anger as his voice died down.

Hotch just shook his head. “He was molested and raped for years, Jason..” Hotch said letting his voice die down as well.

Gideon took a deep breath. He started to say something but stopped. There was nothing he could say that would make a difference. The doctor was still standing there, awkwardly, “Uhh Gentlemen? We need to focus on the here and now.” He said and everyone looked back at him. “Two of you can come see Spencer now but I will warn you, while he is awake, he isn’t.. there.”

“What do you mean?” JJ asked before anyone else could.

“He seems to be in some sort of dissociative state. He is awake but he isn’t answering any of the staff or even acknowledging that we are there. The psychologist on call said it is probably just a form of shock and he should snap out soon.” The doctor explained.

The group was silent with worry before Rossi stepped forward, “Jason should go see him with Aaron. The shock of Jason being back might just snap him back, just no fighting”

Gideon smirked at Rossi. They hadn’t seen each other for years but it was no time for reunions. “I agree, why is Aaron coming and not Garcia or JJ though? Spencer might be more welcoming to a woman’s presence.” Gideon asked.

“Because Spencer is my boyfriend,” Hotch said plainly, as if it was common knowledge.

Gideon furrowed his brow, “Are you serious, Aaron? I knew you liked him, but you are his boss and ten years his senior.”

“Save the lecture. I want to go see him now.” Hotch said as he was already walking to the door. Before the doctor, Gideon and Hotch went back he looked over at his team, “Go ahead back to the station and help the local PD wrap up the case. I will let you guys know how he is doing and when you can visit.”

Garcia opened her mouth to argue but Morgan threw his arm over her shoulder, “Come on, Baby Girl. You will see him soon.” He said, leading her out of the waiting room and Hotch and Gideon made their way back to the hospital rooms.

The doctor stopped in front of Reid’s door. “He is right here; a nurse will be in to check on him shortly. Let the nurse’s station know if he becomes more aware or needs anything.” Dr. Fisher said before walking away.

Hotch walked into the room first, opening up the curtain and stepping in. Reid was sitting up on the bed, eyes glazed over. The TV was on in front of him, probably turned on by a nurse trying to make him feel better, but he was not focused on it. Jason stepped in next and Hotch heard him stifle a gasp.

Reid didn’t look well at all. His hair looked as if he got in a fight with a pair of scissors while his face looked like he got in a fight with a boxer. His eyes were dark and sunken in and several bruises were forming around his cheek and chin. He was wearing a hospital gown but no blanket, which made Hotch upset. You could clearly see some of his self-harm scars and cuts peeking out from under the gown on his thighs. He was sure Gideon was going to comment on it, but he was too focused looking at Reid.

“Hey, Spencer.” Gideon said but there was no response, “It’s Gideon. You know, Jason.” Still nothing.

Both Gideon and Hotch had worked with victims that had shock formed dissociation and they knew that most cases fix themselves in a day or two but that didn’t make this any better. Hotch tried next, getting next to Reid, and holding his lifeless hand. “Hey, baby. It’s Aaron. You are safe now.” Hotch leaned down and pressed a kiss into Reid’s forehead but still, Reid didn’t move or respond.

The lights were on, but no one was home.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You all have been so great to me. Thank you for commenting and reading and all that jazz. It means a lot.  
> I am working on another fic, Who Owns Spencer Reid rn too. I would love it if you checked it out. - yes I am low-key advertising. No shame.  
> Let me know what you think of this chapter! :D


	17. Lovely

After trying to get Reid to answer for almost an hour, the two men decided to take a break. The doctor told them he could snap back any time between now and the next day but that didn’t help much. They each sat in uncomfortable hospital room chairs on opposite sides of Reid’s bed, looking at the young man. His eyes were still open, but he wasn’t focused on anything. Every now and then he would move slightly, to scratch his face or get more comfortable, but that was the extent of it.

The tension in the room was obvious. Gideon grabbed the remote and turned it on a nature documentary, skipping over a show about space. When Gideon put the remote down, Hotch grabbed it and put it on the space show. “What do you think you are doing, Aaron?” Gideon asked, annoyed.

“Spencer likes space more than nature,” Hotch said with far too much attitude.

“No, he likes nature. He used to go bird watching with me.” Gideon spat back. He reached to take the remote back but Hotch grabbed it first.

Hotch huffed, “I am not saying he doesn’t like nature; he just likes space more. Do you even know him at all?”

“I have known him longer than you!” Gideon said loudly. “My son was the love of his life after all.” Gideon didn’t have to say what he meant by that. It was clear to Hotch he really meant; _you aren’t Stephen_.

“You think I don’t know that? I am well aware that Stephen and Spencer dated. You don’t think I question myself all the time about if I am being as good of a boyfriend as Stephen was?” Hotch said, causing the anger in the room to turn into sadness. “I asked him once if there was anything that Stephen did that I am not doing. He said no but..” Hotch stopped and moved his hand on Reid’s thigh, right over the cuts he made a few days prior. “He keeps doing it,” Hotch said quietly.

Gideon looked confused. Hotch was sure that Gideon saw the marks on Reid’s thighs as they walked in the room or even had noticed the faded scars on his arms but apparently not. Before Gideon could ask what he meant, Hotch moved the blanket that he had thrown over Reid’s legs down slightly, just enough to show the newest of the self-made injuries before covering him up again. Gideon genuinely looked surprised, which rarely happened anymore to the senior profiler.

“He cuts himself?” Gideon asked somberly.

Hotch nodded yes. “Apparently he has been doing it on and off since he was a child. Not when he was dating Stephen though..”

“I—I never knew.. I mean I saw him freak out on the plane after Tobias, but I figured that was just because of what.. I said.” Gideon said, putting his head down slightly.

The words didn’t need to be said again. Both men remembered clearly what Gideon said on the plane ride home from rescuing Reid from Tobias. _‘What is the matter, Spencer? Are you worried we are going to think you liked what your dad did to you if you come out as gay? How long did he molest you for? Or was it full-on rape? Is that why he left you and your ill mother? You got too old for him?‘_ Were the last words he said to Spencer before he took off.

Hotch ran his hands over his face and leaned back in his chair. “I just don’t understand, Jason. Why would you say that? Why would you leave him like that? He was heartbroken. We gave him your letter and I had never seen him so angry. He broke several items in his room, screamed, and cussed. It was horrible.”

Gideon stifled a chuckle, “He cussed?” he asked in disbelief.

“If I remember correctly, he called you a ‘god damn motherfucking pussy’” Hotch said a little quieter as he wasn’t one to cuss either.

Gideon sighed, “Wow… I have never heard him talk like that before.”

“I hadn’t either. He was suffering from withdrawal as well though.”

Gideon looked up at Hotch, “I thought he sobered up in the hospital..” He said confused.

“There is a lot you missed, Jason,” Hotch said with a hint of anger.

The two sat in silence for a few minutes. There was so much to be said but nothing was really needed. Gideon knew he messed up and Hotch could see it. Finally, Gideon leaned forward and said, “He wasn’t wrong. I was being a pussy.”

Suddenly a small voice croaked out, “I am never wrong.” Both men’s heads flicked over towards Reid, who was looking at them both.

“Spencer!” Hotch said, standing up. He wanted to hug him, but he didn’t want to scare him, so he just grabbed the younger man’s hand.

“What is going on? Why am I here?” Spencer asked, lifting his free hand up and rubbing his face roughly before wincing in pain and quickly taking his hand away from his face. He was clearly confused.

“Baby.. Do you not remember?” Hotch asked and Reid made a small nod no. “You… Your father took you from the hotel yesterday and—” Before Hotch could finish Reid’s eyes went wide. It hit him. He made a gagging noise and put his hand over his mouth. Gideon quickly grabbed the small trash can next to Reid’s hospital bed and put it under his chin just seconds before Reid threw up. His body wrenched as he threw up several times. His stomach had been empty, so he threw up straight bile. The vomiting stopped but heartbreaking sobs came in next.

“Shh… It’s alright… You are safe now, baby.” Hotch said as Gideon pulled the trashcan away and handed several tissues to Hotch so he could wipe Reid’s face.

Reid continued to sob loudly; whimpering and wailing with no disregard as to who saw him. Hotch tried his best to calm the young man down but finally, Hotch just moved to sit on the edge of the bed and pulled Reid in for a hug. He cried on his shoulder for several minutes before his sobs started to subside and he said, “I am so sorry.. So sorry…” quietly.

Hotch leaned out of the hug, “Why would you be sorry, baby? You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Reid’s throat felt raw and tight, “You… You had to hear it… You saw it…” He said, sounding hoarse.

Hotch shook his head, “No. That is not on you, Spencer. And before you think it, I want you to know that it doesn’t change how I feel or what I think about you, okay? I love you.”

Before Reid could say it back a nurse came into the room, “Knock, Knock!” She yelled as she turned the doorknob and opened the door. “I thought I heard you. Welcome back.” The nurse said as she walked in and up to Reid’s side.

“Welcome back? Was I unconscious? What time is it?” He asked looking around the room for a clock.

“12:06 pm,” Gideon said looking at his watch. Spencer looked over at him with confusion and anger, as if he was just noticing that he was in the room.

“You were unconscious for a bit as they removed fluid from your lungs—”

Hotch started before Reid said, “thoracentesis” quickly, earning a small giggle from the nurse.

Hotch kept going, “And then you were in a dissociative state for a while.” Reid blushed, even though he had no reason to be embarrassed but he didn’t say anything.

The nurse didn’t pay their conversation any mind, “My name is Jessica. I will be your nurse until 7ish. I just need to check over some of your injuries and ask you a few questions.” Before Spencer could answer her, she was already starting her exam. “How is your breathing? Does your chest hurt?” She asked taking her stethoscope off front around her neck, putting it in her ears and placing it on Reid’s chest.

Reid flinched slightly at her touch but answered her question, “It feels better than before, still a little tight.” He said, still sounding hoarse.

The nurse finished listening to his chest, “Alright, sit up some.” She said and moved around to listen to his back. “Sounds good, keep sitting up though.” She pealed the corner of the bandage off his back and took a peek at the large ‘W’ cut in the middle of his back. From the angle Hotch was at, he couldn’t see the mark, but Gideon could. He watched as Gideon’s eyes grew wide for a split second before relaxing back. “Looks good. No signs of infection. Your chest will be a little sore for a day or two. How does your ankle feel?”

Reid rolled his ankle around a few times, “Feels fine.”

The nurse started writing in the chart, “Good. Good. What about your throat?”

“Dry, sore. But it’s been worse,” Reid said quietly. Hotch understood what he meant right away but Gideon and Jessica didn’t catch the sickening meaning.

“Yeah, it will be sore for a few days. Make sure to drink plenty of water.” She said flipping to the next page before setting the chart down and taking off the bandages Reid had on his wrist. “These look good as well, you can leave the bandages off.” She said looking at the raw skin on Reid’s wrists from him trying to get free from the zip-ties. She picked her chart back up, “Okay the cuts on your chest will heal just fine. They were superficial. Lastly, there is some cream in the bathroom for you to apply on your bottom for a few days.” Reid quickly diverted eye contact at that comment. “Any questions?” She said, closing her chart and heading towards the door.

“Can I shower?” Reid said

“Sure thing. There are towels and extra gowns in the cabinet right there,” She said pointing to a tall medical cabinet next to the bathroom door. “Just don’t get your stitches too wet. Your lunch will be by soon and your doctor will be by sometime after that to tell you when you can go.” She said before leaving quickly.

The nurse was barely out of the door before Reid was getting up. He scooted out of bed and carefully grabbed the back of his hospital gown closed before standing up. “Spencer, do you need any help?” Hotch asked as Reid walked over to the medical cabinet.

“No. I need to shower. I—” Reid grabbed two towels and a gown before staring into the cabinet for a minute, deep in thought.

“Spencer?” Hotch said

Reid turned around and looked directly at Hotch. “I need to get his hands off me..” he said before looking at Gideon, making direct eye contact. “And you. I want you gone by the time I get out.” He said walking into the bathroom

“I am not leaving, Spencer,” Gideon said as Reid was shutting the bathroom door. Reid didn’t say anything back, but he knew he heard him.

Once Reid shut the door, Hotch pulled out his phone. “Who are you calling?” Gideon asked.

Hotch glared at Gideon, “ _My_ team.” He said before the person on the other side of the phone answered, “Yeah, he is up now.” Hotch said to the person on the phone. “Medically he is fine… I don’t know. Either today or tomorrow morning. I need you to send Garcia over here with Reid’s go bag…. Yeah, Garcia did well with him in the hospital after Hankel…. Okay.” Hotch said before hanging up.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Garcia got to Reid’s hospital room within twenty minutes but Reid was still in the shower. They were starting to worry about him but when they knocked he insisted that he was fine. A few minutes after Garcia arrived the water turned off, but Reid still didn’t come out. This time Garcia knocked on the door holding Reid’s go-bag and her own purse. “Pumpkin, let me in. I have your clothes.”

“No. I will be out soon.” Reid yelled back. His voice was thick as if he had been crying.

“Open up this door or I will break it down like a Morgan wanna-be,” Garcia yelled back. She could hear Reid groan as the door was unlocked and she slipped inside. Reid went back to the mirror. He was wearing only a towel around his waist so Garcia could see how bright red his skin was from the hot water. He also had several scratches on his body as if he was trying to scrub away the hands of his father. Reid was looking at himself in the mirror, crying. “Talk to me, sweetie. What is going on?”

Reid kept staring at himself for several minutes before answering. “I—I am so tired, Penelope.. I just want to be normal..”

“Oh, sugar. There is no normal. You are perfect the way you are.” Garcia said in a light and soothing fashion.

“Look at me…” Reid said, turning to face Garcia. “I am a freak! My body tells a story that I wish never happened! I was… I was almost fine with my scars from Hankel. I was accepting them slowly.. But now I have even more!” Reid yelled, not in anger but pure sadness. He turned around to show her his back. He had taken off the bandage that covered the stitched ‘W’ in the middle of his back. It was encircled by his whipping scars as if it was the main attraction.

Garcia stepped forward cautiously. “Oh, sweetie..” She said placing her hand on Reid’s back, near his shoulder. “These tell a story of survival.. and this,” She slid her fingers over Reid’s back until she touched the edges of his new ‘W’ wound. “This tells a story of strength. Of a little boy that would do anything to protect his mother… I know you didn’t want your story to be the way it is, none of us did, but everything that has happened has helped form you to the perfect pumpkin you are.”

At that, Reid broke down again, throwing his hands on his face and crying into them. “It’s just not fair!” Reid yelled, not caring how childish it sounded. Garcia tugged on one of Reid’s shoulders, turning him around before pulling him into a hug. She couldn’t help the tears stream down her face as Reid cried and mumbled his thoughts into her shoulder. “I am glad he is dead… He will never get to hurt anyone again… I can’t believe he killed all those people… What if I turned him in when I was a kid… So much would be different… Will Aaron even stay with me after this…” He continued to mumble his worries until his tears slowed down and he pulled out of the hug.

“Sweetie.. Spencer. Listen to me, okay?” Garcia started, lifting her hands up carefully over bruised skin to dry Reid’s tears with her thumbs. “We all love you, especially Hotch, and none of us think this is your fault in any way, okay?” Spencer shook his head yes, even though he wasn’t too sure how much he believed her kind words.

He looked back in the mirror and ran his hands through his hair. “He ruined it. I look ridiculous..” He said as he tried to move his hair around in some way that made sense, but nothing worked.

Garcia picked her purse up and pulled out a pair of haircutting scissors. “Don’t fret, beautiful!” she said with a large smile. “JJ told me about your hair, so I came prepared!”

“Uhh.. Have you ever cut someone else’s hair before?” Reid asked, eyeing the scissors in Garcia’s hand.

“Well.. No. I did cut my bangs once though.” Garcia said, walking over to a small shower chair in the corner of the bathroom and pulling it over to the mirror. “Come on! Sit. It has to be better than this.” Garcia said pulling Reid down to the chair and combing through the horribly uneven hair with her fingers.

Reid noticed Garcia make a grimaced face from the mirror. “He—He said my hair was too long.. He compared it to a woman’s before saying he liked it better short.. So, he took his knife out and cut it.. I was so scared he was going to cut my face; I didn’t move…” Reid said so quietly that he was almost whispering.

Garcia took a deep breath, trying not to cry again. She wasn’t a hardened FBI agent like the rest of her team. She wore her emotions like it was one of her bright colored dresses, loud and proud. “Don’t worry, sweetie. While I can’t make it long again, I can make it look just lovely.”

Several minutes passed as Garcia got to work on Reid’s hair. Hotch knocked on the door once and Garcia yelled back that they were fine, but it didn’t help him relax. Finally, Reid’s hair was finished. He ran his fingers through the now even and slightly shorter hair. The sides were short but there was a little bit of length on the top. Just enough that his hair spiked and curled slightly. “Wow… This is really great. Thank you.” Reid said with a small smile.

“Oh, the pleasure was all mine” Garcia started to clean the mess from the hair cut as Reid got dressed, slipping his boxers on under his towel before taking the towel off and pulling on a pair of lounge pants and one of Hotch’s t-shirts. It was baggy but he didn’t care. He loved wearing Hotch’s clothes.

Despite the horrors Reid had endured in the past 24 hours, he felt.. okay. Not good, definitely not good but not as horrible as he thought he would be. Reid stopped to look in the mirror one more time before leaving the bathroom. His eyes were slightly swollen from crying and the bruises on his face were now a deep purple, but his hair looked a million times better. “Do.. Uhh… Do you think Aaron will like it?” Reid shyly asked Garcia.

“He would be crazy not to. You look like a sweet bowl of vanilla ice cream.” Garcia said with a smile before opening the door.

Hotch was standing right outside the door. He had barely moved from the door since Reid went into the bathroom. He was about to ask what took so long until he saw Reid. A smile grew on the older man’s face as he saw his boyfriend’s new haircut. “I love it,” was all Hotch could get out before Reid was throwing his arms around Hotch’s neck and hugging him while carefully leaving a gap between their bodies. “I love you, Spencer.” He whispered into Reid’s neck.

“I love you too, Aaron.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reid's hair is now cut like it was in season 6.   
> I didn't stop on a cliffhanger and it's weird XD   
> Let me know what you all think (why do I always say that?) :D


	18. Doubt

Gideon and Garcia quietly stepped out of the hospital room to give the two men some privacy. Hotch hugged Reid tightly and smiled when he noticed the young man was wearing one of his t-shirts. After a few minutes of holding Reid, Hotch pulled away and lifted up for a small kiss but Reid pushed him away. “No, don’t.” He said, backing up away from Hotch and walking back to his hospital bed.

Hotch thought it was strange. Since they started their relationship Reid had never had a problem kissing him, but things are different now. He was raped again, orally this time as well. Hotch went over to the hospital bed that Reid was now sitting in and sat in the chair next to him. “Baby, am I scaring you?” He asked gently.

“No. No.. You saved me.. Thank you.” Reid said so quietly Hotch could barely hear him.

“Well.. I am not trying to pressure you. I am just wondering.. Why don’t you want to kiss me?” Hotch asked, reaching his hand out and holding Reid’s hand that was resting on his hospital bed.

Reid stayed quiet for a few minutes before finally saying, “Dirty..” and looking away from Hotch.

That one word was all it took for Hotch to understand the problem. “Oh.. baby.. No. You aren’t dirty. I know… I know what he did to your mouth, but it doesn’t change anything for me, okay?” Hotch said but Reid just stared at the opposite wall. Hotch sighed, not out of frustration at Reid but the situation. “Listen, Spencer. You don’t have to kiss me, now or ever. I will never expect anything physical from you, you know this. But you need to know that I don’t think you are dirty or used or anything. I love you, all of you.” Hotch said, rubbing his thumb over the top of Reid’s hand.

Reid looked over at Hotch and nodded his head but didn’t say anything. A few tears escaped his eyes and ran down his cheeks. Hotch cautiously wiped them away with his free hand and gave Reid a smile.

Both men started watching the TV, not really paying attention to the program. After a few minutes, Reid randomly asked what he was dying to know for certain. “Is he dead?” Reid saw the bullet hole in his skull, saw the life flood out of his face before he collapsed on his own body, but no one told him flat out if he was dead or not.

“Yes, Spencer. He is dead.” Hotch said

“I—But.. are you sure? Did someone check?” Spencer asked, fully knowing how silly it sounded but not caring.

Hotch turned to look at Reid, “Yes. The EMTs checked. I shot him in the head, there was no chance of survival. His body should be at the morgue by now.”

“Good.”

Hotch gave Spencer a stern look, “Spencer you know you can’t say that.”

Reid shook his head, “I don’t care, Aaron. I am glad that bastard is dead. My only regret is that I didn’t get to kill him myself.”

“Spencer..” Hotch warned.

“You are going to have to set me up for another psych eval anyway so what is the point in hiding it.. No, I change my mind. My only regret about his death is that he didn’t suffer.” Reid was still talking as Gideon and Garcia came back in the room. He either didn’t notice or didn’t care. “He should have suffered like he made those children suffer. Like he made my mom suffer.. And me…” Reid got quiet for a moment as he was thinking about his father, which caused his anger to grow. “Fuck him! He should have been tortured to death! Bamboo Torture, Pear of Anguish, Judas Cradle. Something painful and similar to what he did to others..” Hotch looked at Gideon and Garcia as Reid yelled and gave them a look to tell them not to interrupt. Reid needed to get these emotions out.

“Damn! Those children, Aaron! If I would have just said something to someone then none of this would have happened! And then he started a lawsuit on me just to have me come back for what? So he could kidnap me? Make me his again? What sick fuck does that!” Reid grew quiet for a moment but before Hotch could tell him that it wasn’t his fault, he started up again. “Austin Newman, Patrick Hodges, Steve Phillips, Timmy Butler, Justin Poole, Riley Jenkins, Jacob Parker and Matthew Tubbs… All of those people. I—It makes me wish he never left when I was 10.. Then maybe… Maybe he wouldn’t have killed the boys. They could still be alive and not dead because of me.”

“Spencer—” Hotch started but Reid kept going.

“And my mom! Shit.. Someone is going to have to tell her that her ex-husband is dead. She is going to hear about what he did on the news… I have tried so hard to keep her away from everything and now it just blows up in her face… This is all my fault.. If I just..”

This time Gideon tried to get Reid to stop, “That’s enough, Spencer.”

Reid’s head whipped over to Gideon, who was standing next to Garcia in the corner of the room. “What the fuck do you know, Jason?!” Reid yelled, waving his arms as he spoke.

Gideon was taken aback, and he wasn’t sure if it was because Reid cussed or because he called him by his first name. “Working yourself up like this isn’t going to solve anything. You—”

Reid cut Gideon off, “Oh, oh. Sorry. I forgot your world of wisdom on the topic. Tell me, do you know what it’s like to be orally raped by your own father while your loved ones listen? To choke on his cum so badly that your lungs have to be drained? To have your boyfriend walk in on you being anally raped by your father? Huh? Oh, or to have his brains blown out above your face before his corpse lands on you, dick still in your ass by the way?” Reid was pretty much screaming at this point, as much as he could with his hoarse voice anyway. “No, you fucking don’t. All you know is how to degrade and abandon someone the day after they are found from being kidnapped, raped, and drugged for a week by an unsub. So stick to what you are good at, Jason.”

The room was silent. Garcia had her hand over her mouth and her eyes were teary. Hotch held his stern disposition. Gideon, however, looked heartbroken. He wanted to apologize. To say something that might help the situation but there were no words that he could say that would make a difference. Reid took several deep breaths as a few more tears escaped his eyes and ran down his bruised face. His anger started to leave, and he looked almost sorry for what he said to Gideon, but he wasn’t going to apologize. He didn’t say anything that wasn’t true. “Out,” Reid said quietly.

“What, pumpkin?” Garcia asked.

“Out. Everyone. Please.” Reid said, his voice sounding even worse from yelling.

Hotch stood up right away. He didn’t want to leave but he knew Reid needed his control back. “Okay. I will be right outside if you need me. Your phone—”

“Oh! Here. I grabbed it from your hotel room.” Garcia said, pulling a phone out of her purse and handing it to Hotch, who set it on the table next to Reid before placing a small kiss on Reid’s head. He then shot a glare to Gideon and Garcia, who then followed him out of the room.

Hotch shut the door to Reid’s room and turned to Gideon, “Well?”

“Well what, Aaron?” Jason said somberly.

“What are you going to do?” Hotch asked, crossing his arms over his chest. “Are you going to stick around this time and try and make up with him or are you going to leave again?”

Gideon huffed, “I don’t think he would forgive me either way.”

“Don’t be obtuse, Jason. You know Spencer doesn’t hold grudges. He might be passive-aggressive at times, but he is extremely forgiving.” Hotch said but Gideon just shook his head. “You know he fully understood why you left.”

“What?” Gideon asked, confused.

“We talked about it a month or two ago. He told me how he understood your reasoning, he just didn’t agree with it. Oh, and that Stephen would have tracked you down and told you to ‘man up’.” Hotch said, grinning slightly at the memory.

Gideon chuckled slightly, “Yeah.. He would have.. In my letter, I told him I wasn’t changing my number and that I would be near Cal-Tech. He could have reached out.”

“He could have also reached out to his father after he left, leaving only a note, but he didn’t do that either.” Hotch shot back. Garcia, who was still standing near the two men, winced at the comment.

Gideon grew quiet again before peeping out, “Fair enough.. I am going to go meet up with Dave. Hang out in Las Vegas for a while but for now.. I think I will give him some time.”

Hotch nodded his head, “Sounds good. Garcia, you should head back as well. Tell the team how Spencer is doing and see if they can use your help on wrapping up the case. I will let you all know if anything changes. Oh, and thank you. That hair cut really does look good.”

Garcia smiled brightly, “Of course boss. Take care of our boy genius.”

Hotch nodded and the two left. Hotch made his way to a bench that was a few feet from Reid’s hospital room door. He sat, pulled out his phone, and called JJ.

 _“How is he?”_ JJ said once she answered, skipping all pleasantries.

“He is fine, don’t worry. I need you to try and do something for him.” Hotch said into the phone.

_“Anything.”_

“Can you see if you can hold the press from learning and releasing William Reid’s name?” Hotch asked gingerly. It wasn’t an order though as it was not needed for the investigation. William Reid was dead; his guilt was obvious. There was no reason besides a personal one to not release his name.

The phone was quiet for a moment, _“Wow. That is a big one. I will try though, Hotch.”_

“Thanks, JJ. I am sure Spencer would like to explain all of this to his mom before she sees it on the news.”

Hotch heard JJ suck in air, _“Oh god.. I didn’t even think about Diana Reid… she doesn’t know any of this does she?”_

“Not that I know of… I am not sure what Spencer is going to do but I would rather him get the chance to wait until tomorrow.”

 _“Of course. Take care of Spence, okay?”_ JJ said sounding sterner than normal.

“Yeah, I know. Garcia already told me.” Hotch said with a smile before hanging up and getting himself well acquainted with the bench. He wasn’t sure when Reid would decide to let anyone back in the room.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Reid sat in his hospital bed, staring blankly at the wall. There was so much that needed to be done but he didn’t want to do any of it. He knew what he wanted. He wanted to cry. He wanted to run away. He wanted to cut. He wanted drugs. And part of him just wanted to die. It had been years since he felt this strange mix of pain and numbness.

When he was a child, and his father started to touch him. He felt pain in the touch, pain in his heart but as time went on, his body started to become numb to the assaults. His heart still hurt, his mind hurt but his body was numb, as if it were no longer his. He didn’t get this same feeling when he was raped by Hankel. With Hankel, he screamed, he cried and begged. There was no holding back, but his father didn’t let him cry and scream. He had to be silent. Over time he would just lay there and take the assaults, completely dissociating with the feeling of his own body. That is what he felt now, and the numbness was almost overbearing.

Reid took a deep breath. He couldn’t give in to what he wanted now. He had to take care of something first, his mom. He reached over to his side table and grabbed his phone, ignoring the messages and miss calls he had from the past 24 hours, he dialed the number to Bennington Sanitarium.

 _“Thank you for calling Bennington Sanitarium, my name is Megan. How may I assist you today?”_ The overly happy voice said once they answered the phone.

“Hi Megan, my name is Dr. Spencer Reid. Can I speak with Dr. Norman?” Spencer said, trying to sound somewhat normal and not like his throat was just fucked.

 _“Certainly. I will transfer you”_ the light voice said before Reid heard a beep and an older man’s voice came on, _“Dr. Norman speaking.”_

“Hello Dr. Norman, it is Spencer Reid. Diana’s son.” Reid said to his mother’s doctor.

 _“Oh yes, hello. Do you want me to see if your mother is able to talk?”_ Dr. Norman asked. It was not typical for Reid to call the doctor directly. The doctor normally always called Reid first as they only had to talk when there was an issue with his mom.

“No, no. I called for you.. Is there any way you can keep her from seeing the news until tomorrow afternoon?”

There was a small pause before Dr. Norman answered, _“Umm.. may I ask why?”_

“I can’t get into the details of an active case, but something happened involving my team and myself and I need to explain it to her in person.”

_“I can’t promise anything, but I will get one of the aids to add the news channels to the blocked list on the main room TV for now. Diana broke the TV in her room last month and didn’t request a new one, so you don’t have to worry about that.”_

Reid sighed, relaxing slightly, “Thank you very much, Dr. Norman. I should be by tomorrow but please don’t tell her.”

 _“Of course. Pleasure as always.”_ Dr. Norman said before abruptly hanging up as he typically did.

Reid set his phone back down and stared blankly at the TV again. It took a few minutes for him to register what he was watching. _The Universe. A documentary television series about space._ Reid almost smiled, knowing that Hotch was most likely the one to put this show on for him while he was out of it. _Out of it.. Dissociation.. A break in how your mind handles information, disconnecting from your thoughts, feelings, memories, and surroundings.. Great.. How fucking weak of me…_ Reid thought to himself, throwing his head back on his stiff hospital pillow and covering his face with his hands. He forgot about his bruised face and hissed when his hands made contact. It was nice. A low humming pain that broke through his numbness.

Logically Reid knew this numb feeling would fade. His body was probably still in some form of shock and his mind was still in some level of dissociation but knowing that and believing it were two different things entirely. He felt disgusting and used and just done.

He knew what he should do. He should ask Hotch, who was most likely right outside the door back inside to keep him safe from himself and he should call Dr. Winchester, his therapist. But his mind was telling him something different.

_Cut… Cut… Cut…_

Reid wanted his mind to stop. His breathing was becoming labored as he started to slip into a panic attack. With little thought, he threw his hand into his mouth and bit down hard. He was relishing the pain it brought when the memory of his father biting him repeatedly less than 24 hours ago came into his mind. He bit down harder, causing his hand to bleed, as he started to cry. He wanted it to stop.

In the midst of a panic attack, blood running down his arm, and his mind being flooded with images of the previous night, there was only one person he wanted. _Aaron.._ “Aaron..” He said out loud, doubting anyone could hear his weak voice outside of the room. He didn’t even know if Hotch was still waiting outside the door or not but before he could think about it, the door opened up.

“Baby? Did you call me?” Hotch said as he walked in the door but once he saw Reid, he had his answer. “Oh.. Shhh.. It is okay. I got you, come here.” Hotch said, not waiting a moment before climbing into Reid’s hospital bed and wrapping his strong arms around the smaller man before pulling him in close. “It’s okay, baby. You are safe.” Hotch continued to hold and reassure Reid as he cried and bit his hand until he finally released the bite and cried himself to sleep in Hotch’s embrace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is coming to an end, a few chapters left. Which got me thinking about the series. I think this will be the last fic in the series as well. I just don't think I have another story to tell about this. Did anyone have any ideas for a part three?  
> I know a few people mentioned how they wanted to see a prequel, explore Spencer and Stephen's relationship, and I love that idea but it's not something I will be doing right now.  
> Let me know what you all think :D
> 
> Side note. Just a few minutes ago I reached 40k in hits total between my four fics. That might not seem like a lot and I know this isn't about the stats but I am fucking thrilled. I want to thank you all so much for your support. It keeps me going.


	19. Holding On To You

Reid was asleep in Hotch’s arms for less than an hour before a knock on the door woke him up. He jumped awake and started to push away the limbs that were on him before Hotch said, “Shhh, it’s just me. It’s okay,” and he settled back down.

Before Reid could ask what the sound was, a man in scrubs walked in holding a meal tray. “Mr. Reid?”

Hotch could feel Reid already starting to shake so he answered for him, “ _Dr._ Reid, yes.” The man walked over and placed the meal tray on the rolling desk table next to Reid and left without saying anything else. Reid was still shaking slightly but Hotch decided not to mention it. Instead, he reached over Reid and pulled the rolling desk over Reid’s lap. “You need to eat, Spence. Want me out of your bed while you eat?” Hotch asked and Spencer just rolled over and hugged Hotch’s chest. Hotch couldn’t help but smile as the thin genius curled up to him for comfort and safety.

Hotch ran his hand through his short hair for several minutes before nudging Reid again, “Baby, come on. You need to eat.” This time Reid shook his head no while still buried on Hotch’s chest. Hotch sighed, he loved being close to Reid, but he knew his boyfriend hadn’t eaten in about 24 hours and he had thrown up several times. He needed to eat, or he was going to get sick. “Spencer..” Hotch said slightly sterner. “Come on now.”

Reid huffed and sat up off Hotch. When he did, Hotch got a glance of his bitten hand for the first time. It was covered in dried blood and parts of his skin that didn’t break were turning a dark bluish-purple. Hotch started to climb out of the bed but Reid grabbed his hand and looked at him with pleading eyes. “It’s okay. I am just going to grab a washcloth to clean your hand.” Hotch said and Reid slowly let go, nodding his head.

Hotch made his way over to the medical cabinet near the bathroom door and found a washcloth, some antibiotic cream, and a bandage. He debated about calling a nurse to come clean the wound instead, but letting the staff know that Reid was self-injuring was probably not the best move for the long run. They could use that information to put him on a 72-hour hold and that was the last thing Reid needed right now. He stepped into the bathroom, wet the washcloth, and made his way back to Reid.

He had to stifle a laugh when he saw Reid. He was staring down at his plate in disgust. His face was almost comical, like a spoiled child having to eat vegetables. Hotch looked down at the plate; it wasn’t anything bad. Grilled chicken strips, mashed potatoes, a green Jell-O, a side salad, and a bottle of water. “Is there a problem with your food?” Hotch asked and Reid just rolled his eyes but still didn’t say anything.

Hotch sat down on the side of the bed and carefully started to clean Reid’s hand. “Let me know if it hurts, okay?” He said and Reid nodded his head. Hotch started to wonder why Reid wasn’t talking, “Are you verbal right now?” He asked and Reid shrugged his shoulders. Hotch didn’t understand what he meant. “Does your throat hurt?” Reid shook his head yes but looked away, as if he were embarrassed. _Well, that explains it.._ Hotch thought as he finished up Reid’s hand.

He put the washcloth in the dirty clothes hamper in the bathroom before going back to the hospital bed to fine Reid still not eating. Hotch stood in front of the young man and gave him a stern glare, “Spencer. You need to eat now.”

Reid soothed his hand over his bandaged hand a few times before trying to talk, “I don’t—” He started but his voice was almost gone. Then Reid looked as if he realized something and signed, _“I don’t want to eat.”_

“You might not want to eat but you need too. Come on, the mashed potatoes and Jell-O at least.” Hotch said back, moving back to sit on the hospital bed next to Reid.

_“Green is gross,”_ Reid signed with a childish pout.

Hotch chuckled, “Come on, water too.”

Reid huffed and put his grilled chicken in his side salad bowl and pushed it over to the side of the rolling desk closer to Hotch. _“You eat,”_ Reid signed.

“This is yours. I am not eating your food.” Hotch said

_“Eat and I will eat.”_ Reid signed quickly. Hotch gave in and took a bite of chicken while shooting Reid a look, which made the young man smile.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The two men sat next to each other slowly eating. When they finished Reid quickly resumed his place in Hotch’s arms, half watching the TV that was now playing a show about the healthcare system and both men couldn’t care less. Hotch could see that Reid was staring at the TV but he was clearly in his own head.

All of a sudden the door to Reid’s hospital room opened and Reid let out a startled whimper while Hotch’s instincts kicked in and he automatically grabbed for his gun. Before he could take it out of the holster his eyes caught up with the rest of him and he recognized the person coming into the room, Dr. Fisher, the doctor from earlier.

“Try knocking before you open a patient’s door, especially a patient that is here because of kidnapping and assault.” Hotch spit out at the doctor. He was really starting to hate that guy.

The doctor ignored Hotch completely, not helping Hotch’s anger. “Alright Spencer, we are going to go ahead and discharge you now.” He said, flipping through Reid’s chart and holding the last page out, “If you could just sign here.”

Hotch put his hand out to stop Reid from grabbing the paper. “You are discharging him? Just like that?”

“Yeah. We have monitored him to make sure he can eat. He didn’t slip into another dissociative state and his Pulse OX has been just fine. We also called a Dr. Winchester from his chart and she will be in contact to monitor his mental health.” Dr. Fisher said with a hint of an attitude.

Reid reached around Hotch and grabbed the paper, signing it quickly before Hotch could stop him. The doctor took the paper back, ran through some follow up care instructions, handed him some paperwork, and left without saying another word to Hotch.

“I am going to be filing a complaint on that guy,” Hotch said once the doctor left the room. “Why did you sign the forms, Spencer? Do you really think you are well enough to leave?”

“I don’t want to be here anymore.” Reid croaked out. His voice sounded a little better, most likely from the rest and water he had. Reid climbed himself out of the bed and started to gather his things, putting on his mother’s brown cardigan from his go-bag before closing his go-bag back up and joining Hotch, who was standing by the door.

Hotch wanted to comment on the fact that Reid was wearing basically his pajamas, Hotch’s shirt, and lounge pants, or on the fact that Reid was wearing a sweater in the middle of a Las Vegas summer, but he didn’t bother. If he was comfortable, then that was all that mattered.

They silently made their way down to the parking garage where the team had left the two an SUV with valet, so they didn’t have to wait for someone to come pick them up when Reid was released. Hotch knew that he should probably call them, tell them that Reid was out, but he figured it could wait. He wanted to get Reid to the hotel and back in bed as soon as possible.

Reid sat in the front seat, feet on the seat and knees to his chest, hugging his legs. He looked incredibly small and sad with his bruised face and baggy clothes. “Where is everyone now?” Reid asked quietly.

“The team? They should all be at the police station doing paperwork. There was a lot of it..” Hotch said as he drove.

“I want to go see them there.”

Hotch glanced over at Reid before looking back at the road, “What? You want to go to the police station now?”

“No. I want to go by the morgue first. I need to see for myself.” Spencer said flatly, as he had already made up his mind.

Hotch sighed, “Spencer… You already saw. You know he is dead.”

“No.. I want to see it with a clear mind. Just.. Just let me do this, Aaron.” Spencer said, using a stern tone of voice that he rarely used. There was no room for argument.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The two men made their way inside the morgue, showing their IDs for entry. Hotch asked the mortician for William Reid’s body and then for some privacy. The two were left in a cold, dim room with a body covered by a sheet. Hotch stepped back to let Reid have a moment without leaving him alone.

Reid took his time, walking up to the body on the table, and looking at the sheet for several minutes. “You know, I saw him at Justin Poole’s funeral,” Reid said and Hotch furrowed his brow but stayed quiet. “You sent us to see if we could spot the unsub and I saw a man, well the back of a man, that made me feel uneasy. He was alone, older, gray, and thinning hair, but I had no reasoning behind how I felt so I let it go..” Reid said. Hotch wasn’t too sure why he said that now, but he didn’t ask.

After a few more minutes, Reid got the strength to move the sheet down, revealing his father. Dead, pale, and a bullet hole in the middle of his head. Reid just stared blankly at him. Hotch lost track of time. It had been at least five minutes and Reid still didn’t move. Right before Hotch was going to say something Reid started to talk, “I hope you rot in Hell.” Reid hissed. Even though Reid was pretty sure he didn’t believe in Heaven or Hell, the thought of his father being tortured for eternity still seemed like not enough of a punishment

Before Reid turned around to leave he leaned over his father’s dead body and spit on him. Right on his face. Hotch’s hand flew to cover his mouth. That was the last thing he thought Reid would do. His boyfriend, his subordinate, just spit on a dead body and looked happy about it. Reid turned around and left without a word.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The ride to the police station was silent as well. The air was heavy and awkward, but Reid didn’t seem to mind. He looked deep in thought. When they pulled up, both men got out of the SUV but Hotch stopped Reid before he could go inside. “Listen, Spencer. I don’t want you working the case. You are now considered a victim and you are no longer allowed to help with anything we have left.” Hotch said, starting to fall back into work mode.

Reid nodded his head, “I know.. I just—I just want to be a part of it. Unofficially. I want to make sure all the children get justice and that everyone knows what a piece of shit William Reid is.. was.”

“That is another thing. I asked JJ to try and keep William Reid’s name out of the press for now. She might have bought a couple of hours, a day at most. I just wanted to give you a chance to tell your mom in person.” Hotch said slowly, not sure how Reid would feel about that.

Reid suddenly wrapped his arms around Hotch’s neck and hugged him closely. “Thank you.” He whispered into the crook of Hotch’s neck.

There hug was cut short by a familiar voice, “Pretty Boy? Hotch?” The two broke their hug and looked up to see Morgan walking up to them.

Emily was a few feet behind him with a smile on her face. “What are you two doing here?”

“They kicked me out. Said I was too fucked up for them to deal with.” Reid said with a small grin. Reid was rarely sarcastic, so the three profilers took a second to understand the joke before laughing.

Morgan reached out to pat Reid on the back, like he normally did as a friendly gesture. This time as soon as Morgan’s hand touched Reid, he let out a strangled cry. He pushed his hand away and stepped back, tripping on the curb, and falling down on his injured butt which caused him to let out a hiss and his face to scrunch up in pain.

“Oh shit! I am so sorry, Spencer!” Morgan said in a panicked tone. He didn’t think about the action before he did it.

Hotch moved to help Reid up, “It’s fine, sorry. I—I overreacted..” Reid said, standing up and rubbing his backside.

Morgan shook his head, “No, you didn’t overreact. I shouldn’t have touched you..”

“Are you okay?” Emily asked, seeing that he still looked in pain.

“Uhh.. yeah..” Reid said but it wasn’t convincing.

Hotch turned to Reid and quietly said, “That numbing cream is in your go-bag. Want me to get it?” Morgan and Emily pretended like they didn’t hear Hotch and went ahead inside.

Reid blushed brightly, “No.. No.. I am fine. T—Thanks.”

The two men made their way to the conference room. Hotch was stopped by Sheriff Bradley, who tried to stop Reid too, but he just kept walking. He made it into the conference room, where Rossi, Morgan, JJ, Emily, and Garcia were working. Reid found himself relaxing slightly when he didn’t see Gideon.

“Oh my God, Spence!” JJ said happily, walking up to Reid but not touching him, having been told what just happened between Reid and Morgan outside.

“Hey, JJ.” Reid said in his hoarse sounding voice and JJ visibly cringed. Reid was feeling exhausted, so he went to an open chair around the conference table and gingerly sat down.

“Nice haircut, kid” Rossi said with a smile. JJ, Morgan, and Emily all noticed but they knew he didn’t choose to have his hair cut so they didn’t want to bring it up. Rossi, on the other hand, was more blunt.

Reid looked over at Garcia, who was smiling wildly. “Thanks. Garcia did a great job.”

“What? Baby Girl, you did that?” Morgan asked, fanning shock.

Garcia got up and walked behind Reid. She put her hands out towards his head but waited, looking at his face, as if she were asking for permission. Reid nodded slightly and Garcia ran her hands through the short hair. “Yep! Isn’t it so cute?”

JJ laughed slightly, “You look more manly with short hair, in a good way.”

“That is what he said..” Reid blurted out without thinking and the room got quiet for a moment. “Uhh.. So, what’s going on with the case?”

“Reid you know you are not allowed to work on the case anymore,” Rossi warned.

“Yeah but I can still know. I need to know.” Reid said, reaching forward and grabbing one of the case files off the table. Before anyone could stop him, he opened the file and was met with a photo of the bedroom in Riley’s house that he was held in. The bed that had Reid’s dried blood and vomit on it. The zip-ties laying on the floor. Reid’s clothes and hair thrown around the room. William Reid’s blood splattered on the bed, walls, and floor. Reid froze. Tears started to run down his cheeks, but his eyes grew distant again.

“Spence?” JJ said, trying to get Reid’s attention but he didn’t move.

Garcia, who was still standing near Reid, reached out to touch him but Morgan stopped her, “Don’t touch him. Remember what he did like five months ago when we stayed the night?” Garcia’s eyes went wide, and she put her hands up slightly as she backed back up. Morgan was already walking to the door. He stuck his head out of the conference room and saw Hotch standing near the front door still talking to the sheriff. “Hotch!” Morgan yelled and Hotch automatically stopped his conversation and rushed up the stairs.

“What is it, Morgan?” Hotch asked but immediately saw the issue. He walked up to Reid and sat down in the chair next to him. “Spencer? Baby?” Hotch asked but Reid didn’t move. _Is this what it is going to be like again? He struggled for months to get past what happened with Tobias. He had unrelenting flashbacks, self-harm episodes, panic attacks.. all the tears spilt… but he made so much progress and he was almost back to normal and now…_ Hotch thought to himself. He wasn’t mad at Reid for his struggles, not at all but the thought of having to go through the pain again was almost too much.. But he was in for the long haul.

Hotch gently pulled the case file out of Reid’s hands and closed it. He slowly places his hand in Reid’s, “Baby? Are you with us?” He asked and surprisingly Reid looked over at Hotch. He looked like he was going to say something for a moment but instead, he broke down in sobs. Crying on his unit chief’s shoulder in the middle of a police station.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo I think I decided what to do. I am going to finish this fic up but then move to a third fic in the series that focuses more on Reid and Hotch, recovery and relationship stuffs. Thank you everyone for your suggestions and love :D
> 
> Soon I will get tired of putting Twenty One Pilot songs as the titles but I love picking ones that match the chapter some XD


	20. Friend, please

Reid held on to Hotch and cried for several minutes. Once he calmed down Hotch gave him a short rundown of what was happening with the case. The team had found evidence of both of the adult victim’s murders in the Riley home as well as souvenirs for five of the children’s murders. The only issue they were having was that they had nothing to tie William Reid to the Riley Jenkins murder.

“What?” Reid asked after Hotch told him about Riley. “But.. everything has been found in Riley’s old house. How could there not be proof of Riley’s murder?”

“We only have proof that William used the Jenkin’s abandoned house, not that he actually killed Riley. We still don’t even have Riley’s body.” Hotch said calmly.

Reid spaced off, looking deep in thought before saying, “He said, ‘I doubt it. I know they didn’t find Riley’s body in that desert. I bet they don’t even think he is a victim.’ I tried to ask him where Riley was buried but he smacked me and said, ‘Shut up, Pen. Good boys don’t talk’…” Reid wrapped his arms tightly around himself and dug his nails into his upper arms.

“Hey, it’s alright. We will figure this out, okay? We are going to be staying another day or two so there will be plenty of time.” Hotch tried to soothe Reid by putting his hand on Reid’s but Reid shifted back in his chair, away from Hotch’s touch.

The whole room felt heavy. While the rest of the team wanted to give Reid and Hotch their own space, they ended up watching them anyway out of concern. Rossi stood up from his spot at the conference table, “Why don’t we go ahead and call it a night and go grab some dinner? What are you feeling like eating, kid?” Rossi asked as he gathered up some files in a stack, not waiting for anyone else to agree with him or not.

“I am not hungry,” Reid said with a pout.

“That wasn’t the question, Reid. Unless you want to start drinking those meal replacement shakes again, you better eat.” Rossi said flatly.

Reid glared at Rossi. He looked as if he was trying to copy one of Hotch’s famous glares, but it just came out looking childish and sad due to his bruised face. “Fine. I don’t care what we eat..” Reid said before adding, “… as long as it’s easy to swallow…” quietly.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The team made their way back to the hotel after stopping by an Italian restaurant, Rossi’s choice, and ordering to-go. They figured eating inside a restaurant, surrounded by strangers was not what Reid needed.

“This is a different hotel,” Reid said from his spot in the passenger seat, next to Hotch, as he pulled up to their hotel.

“JJ had out things moved to this hotel after.. what happened,” Hotch explained and Reid just nodded.

The team all went to Reid and Hotch’s new hotel room to eat as their room was the largest, with a small table with four chairs, a 3-seater sofa, and an armchair. Reid noticed as the food was being passed around that there was an extra meal. “Rossi.. That is for Gideon, isn’t it?”

“Yeah. He is in the next hotel room.” Rossi said, pointing to the right side of the hotel room. “I was just going to give him his meal and come back. I—”

Reid cut Rossi off, “No, can you invite him over?”

Rossi looked over at Hotch, who looked surprised as well. “Are you sure, Reid? I mean, I know you have already had a long day and—”

Reid cut Rossi off again, making him scowl slightly. “Actually, I will go get him..”

“Spencer…” Hotch warned. He didn’t want Gideon and Reid to fight again and he really didn’t want Reid out of his sight.

“It’s fine, Aaron. I am not going to fight. I will be right back..” Reid left before anyone could argue. He left the hotel door open though, as if he knew that Hotch was worried about Reid going far. Reid stood in front of Gideon’s hotel room door for a minute, taking a deep breath and calming himself down. _What the hell am I doing? Why am I here? Gideon is an asshole that left me when I needed him…. But he also is just a sad man that lost his son and couldn’t take the thought of losing me… That is okay, right? I mean he doesn’t owe me anything and I don’t owe him anything either… Then why am I here about to knock on his door and invite him to dinner? I—_ Reid’s thoughts were cut off when the door in front of him suddenly opened, making him gasp and jump back.

“Oh, Spencer. What are you doing outside the door?” Gideon said, having been a little surprised to see anyone outside of his hotel room.

“I—Uhh.. I was just going to tell you we got dinner… and uhh… you can come eat with us.. if you want.” Reid stuttered out.

Gideon looked Reid up and down, reading his body language as he always did with people, “Are you sure?”

“No..” Reid said avoiding eye contact. “I am mad at you but.. I don’t want to stay mad at you.. I understand what you did and why, but I just don’t like it..”

Gideon nodded, “Listen Spencer.. Hotch told me what happened when you were a kid and… I really didn’t know.. Stephen never told me and—”

“I never told Stephen… I thought if I just pretended that it never happened that I could live life as if it really never happened.” Reid gestured outwards with his arms, “But it looks like that just isn’t the case..”

“He would have understood.. Been supportive.”

“I know..”

“But you told Aaron?” Gideon said flatly.

Reid furrowed his eyebrows, “You can’t possibly be mad about that..”

“I’m not Spencer. It’s just nice to see you comfortable and happy again.” Gideon said with a sigh before asked, "Is Aaron respectful? He doesn’t pressure you, right?”

Reid chuckled, “He doesn’t pressure me at all. I told him I wanted to have sex and he told me no, that he didn’t think I was ready. He was right..” Gideon looked a little taken aback by Reid’s bluntness, but he smiled.

“Good. He would hate to have to be beaten up by an old man.” Gideon said with a smirk, making Reid laugh slightly again.

“I think Morgan already has that covered,” Reid said before a silence grew between the two. It was nice to talk and joke again. They both missed it dearly.

Gideon reached out, making his movements slow so Reid could process them before he put his hand on his shoulder. “Spencer.. Listen..” His tone was suddenly more serious. “I am truly sorry.. I was, well like you said, being a pussy. I was working through my own stuff and I shouldn’t have made you suffer for that.”

Reid started to tear up, even though he wasn’t too sure why. He slowly moved forward and wrapped his arms around Gideon, hugging him softly while still leaving a gap between their bodies. Gideon rested his hands on Reid’s arms, as to not touch his body while hugging him back. The hug was short and awkward, but it was much needed. There was still an obvious tension between the two, but it was a start.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The team filled the room with small talk as everyone sat around the hotel room eating. Emily, Morgan, JJ, and Garcia sat at the small table and Gideon, Rossi, Hotch and Reid sat around the coffee table. Gideon sat in the single armchair, while Reid sat between Hotch and Rossi, pressing himself as close as he possibly could to Hotch’s side.

Reid had ordered minestrone soup but was given it with a side of mac and cheese, which looked to be off the kid’s menu. Small noodles, easy to eat. He knew Hotch probably told Rossi to order it when he wasn’t paying attention. He wasn’t sure but he was grateful. The minestrone had far too many vegetables for his taste. He ended up eating just the broth and half the mac and cheese. Hotch knew it wasn’t enough food, but it was something and after the horrible past 48 hours he had, he wasn’t going to push him.

Reid sat back, leaning on Hotch, half-listening to everyone’s small talk. Gideon talked about where he had been and what he was doing by Cal-Tech. Rossi went on about the old days and Hotch joined in, talking about how they were both on the team when he first joined. Reid closed his eyes and tried to focus on their voices, knowing he was surrounded by his loved ones. His whole family, except his mom, was in one room. They were all there just for him. That thought brought a small smile to his face as he drifted to sleep.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Morning came too soon as most of the night was plagued with nightmares. After the team left, Hotch got Reid to lay in bed but he was asleep barely an hour before a blood-curdling scream came from the young man. While Reid often has nightmares, that scream was not normal. Hotch had jumped awake, reaching for the nightstand drawer where his gun was before his eyes and ears caught up with his mind and he noticed a thrashing Spencer Reid beside him. He was still trying to calm him down when the hotel door opened and Morgan rushed in, gun out. Behind him was the whole team, including Gideon, and JJ who was the one with the spare key that stopped Morgan from kicking the door down.

The team stayed just long enough for Reid to calm down, but it was not the only time that happened. By the third time Reid’s screaming woke them all up, hotel staff was threatening to throw Reid out but backed off after Rossi and Morgan spoke with them. With back to back nightmares that caused him to wake up screaming, they were surprised that Reid was able to fall back to sleep at all, but his body and mind were beyond tired.

Reid woke up to a groggy Hotch coming out of the bathroom in only a towel clinging low on his well-defined hips. His dark, short hair was damp, and his chest was glistening slightly from his shower. Hotch made a small surprised noise when he noticed Reid watching him, “Oh, Spencer. I am sorry. I thought you would still be asleep, and I forgot my go bag.” Hotch said, as his hand flung to his towel, making sure it was on all the way.

Reid chuckled slightly, “It’s fine, Aaron. You don’t scare me; you know I trust you.” His voice was almost completely back, just a little rough around the edges. Hotch quickly grabbed his go-bag from his side of the bed, leaned over, and kissed Reid on the top of the head before making his way back to the bathroom to get dressed.

Once he was gone, Reid made his way to the small kitchenette area in the hotel, making quick work at figuring out and starting the coffee maker. His body lit up with pain with every move he made though. The middle of his back burned, his face stung and there was a dull ache in his throat and behind. He closed his eyes, listening to the small drip of the coffee maker, and focusing on the pain on his body instead of the acts that caused it.

The coffee finished and Hotch was still in the bathroom, _he is probably shaving now._ Reid thought as he took out two coffee mugs, filling them both before going into the drawer for a spoon. When he reached for the spoon, he caught eye of a small paring knife on the side of the drawer. With no thought, he picked it up and ran his finger down the blade. Immediately his finger started to bubble up with blood. _Sharp._ He felt his skin tingle with a familiar need. It itched to be cut open. To be hurt by his own doing, not someone else’s.

He thought about pocketing the knife, taking it to the bathroom once Hotch was out and tearing apart his already scarred thighs but the need was too strong. He needed it now. He was still wearing his mother’s cardigan and the thought of getting blood on the sleeves from cutting his wrists made him feel uneasy so he pressed the knife on the top of his hand, next to the bite mark he gave himself the day before. A second before he was about to slice his skin he heard Hotch, “Spencer! Please, don’t.” His voice was heavy with worry and Spencer pulled the knife away from his hand.

“Aaron… I—I am sorry… I just… I need too..” Spencer said quietly, still looking down at the knife.

Hotch stepped forward slowly and grabbed the hand that was holding the knife. “You don’t need too. I can’t imagine what you are going through right now, but you aren’t alone. Please… Let go of the knife.”

Reid started to cry, “You aren’t alone..” Reid said, echoing what Hotch said before dropping the knife into Hotch’s open hand. Reid pressed his face into his hands, crying a little harder before leaning into Hotch’s chest. “I am sorry.. so sorry..”

“Shhh, baby… You have nothing to be sorry for..” Hotch whispered into the top of Reid’s head. He continued to soothe the young man for several minutes before Reid leaned up, drying his face roughly with the back of his hand. “Come on, we have a long day today. You need to shower and change.”

Reid looked down at his feet. “I—Uhh… Yeah, okay.” He said as he started to turn to the bathroom.

“Hold on, what is it?”

“Nothing. It will be fine..”

“Spencer…” Hotch warned.

Reid sighed, “Would.. Uhh.. Would it be too much to ask you to stay with me? I… Umm… I don’t trust myself to be alone right now..”

A warm smile shined brightly on Hotch’s face, “I would be more than happy too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you all think. Thanks!


	21. Tear In My Heart

Hotch sat on the closed toilet lid while Reid showered, making sure to turn around as he undressed, dried off, and dressed again. Reid awkwardly asked for help with cleaning and drying his stitched back and Hotch did so dutifully. While it pained him to see the large ‘W’ carved into Reid’s back, it wasn’t his first time he was taking care of the wounds from Reid’s torture, but he hoped it would be his last.

After Reid was dressed, the two men forwent their now cold mugs of coffee and went downstairs for the hotel breakfast. They quickly spotted their grumpy and groggy team moving around the breakfast buffet. Emily was complaining about Rossi taking all of the french toast, JJ was going on about there not being any apple juice and Garcia and Morgan were bickering about whether or not Morgan snores as they shared a room the night before.

JJ was the first to spot the two men, “Oh, Spence! I didn’t think you would be up so early. I figured Hotch would have let you sleep in.”

Reid sat down at the large table the team was gathered at, “No, I need to visit my mom early to lower the chances of her seeing what happened on the news.”

JJ looked concerned but tried to hide it, “Well I am going to go get you a cup of coffee.” JJ said, heading towards Hotch, who was already at the coffee station right after Reid said thank you. “Hey, Hotch.”

“Good morning, JJ,” Hotch said absently.

“I—We might have a problem.”

Hotch’s face grew sterner, as he switched himself into work mode. “What is it?”

“I got notice this morning that the press released William Reid’s name.. as well as Spence being kidnapped. While they did it too late to be in today’s paper, it has already been on the morning news.” JJ said cautiously.

Hotch huffed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Okay. Thank you for letting me know first.” Hotch said, turning to look at Reid, who was saying something to Gideon. “If you could not tell Spencer about this, he is under enough stress right now.”

“Of course,” JJ said, taking the coffee cup that Hotch had been preparing for Reid and bringing it to the table for him.

Breakfast went as normal. No one mentioned Reid’s nightmares that woke up the whole hotel and no one asked how Reid was going to tell his mom. They made small talk about the little things, like Emily thinking about getting a cat or Morgan’s renovation on his latest property. Reid pulled himself into the conversation, forgetting everything for as long as he could but soon breakfast wrapped up. The team was on their way to the police station, Gideon was going to visit some bird sanctuary in the area and Hotch and Reid were getting in the car to visit Reid’s mom.

The car ride seemed to take hours, even though it couldn’t have been longer than twenty minutes. Reid didn’t talk until they pulled up to Bennington Sanitarium. Reid pulled down the visor and looked at himself in the small mirror. While his face was no longer swollen, it was littered with bruises, and with his now short hair, he couldn’t even hide behind his golden locks. “What the hell am I going to say, Aaron?”

“Whatever you need too.. You don’t have to tell her about what happened when you were a kid if you don’t want too. Just what just happened. It’s up to you.” Hotch said.

Reid huffed and ran his hands through his short hair, making it spike slightly. “I normally always know what to say… But I have ran through so many scenarios in my head and I hate all of them..”

Hotch wasn’t too sure what to say himself. “Your mom loves you. No matter what you say, she will learn to accept it.” He said before leaning over to kiss Reid on the cheek, but Reid backed away.

“No, please!” Reid said, covering his mouth.

It took Hotch a minute to figure out the issue. _He thought I was going to kiss him on the mouth.. damnit._ Hotch thought before saying, “Oh, baby. I’m sorry. I was just going to kiss your cheek. I should have asked.”

“No, no. It’s fine. I thought you were going to kiss me on the mouth... I am not ready for that yet.” Reid said, before leaning back over to Hotch and pushing his cheek out some.

Hotch just smiled and gave him a gentle kiss on the cheek. “I will wait an eternity for you.”

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Reid spoke to Diana’s doctor first. He told him that William Reid was an unsub and is now dead, leaving out anything about himself. The doctor ensured him that they would have the staff watch her closely while he told her and for the next few days. Reid thanked him and moved to the day room where his mom was but instead of going in, he just stood by the door.

“Do you want me to wait outside?” Hotch asked

“Please, no. I don’t want to be far from you.. I know that sounds weak, but—”

Hotch cut Reid off, “Not weak at all. I don’t want to be far from you either. How about I just hang back?” Reid nodded with a small smile before taking a deep breath and walking up to where his mom was in her chair by the bookshelf and window. He noticed she was reading one of the books he sent her, just like last time. He debated about quoting it, but he couldn’t get his mind to focus so instead he just said, “Hey, mom..”

Diana looked up and her eyes went wide, “Oh, Spencer.. What happened?” She said, standing up and reaching out to touch his face. She gently ran her fingers across his sharp bruised cheekbones. Suddenly she looked passed Reid to the doorway, where Hotch was standing, and she started to scream. “You! You did this to my son! You fascist government spy! Come here and face me like a man!” Diana raised her hands and started to charge at Hotch before Reid caught her.

“Please, mom. Stop. He didn’t do this. He was the one that saved me.” Reid said loudly, getting between her and the direction Hotch was in and holding her shoulders.

Diana put her hands on each side of her face. “I don’t understand, Spencer!” She was starting to panic, and Reid knew he needed to calm her down before she had an episode.

“Shh, mom. Let’s sit, please. We can talk.” Reid ushered her back to her chair and pulled a chair up for himself. He waited a moment until her breathing calmed down, before talking. “I—I don’t really know where to begin..”

“At the beginning. Always start at the beginning.” Diana said in a more soothing tone.

 _The beginning.. Like when I was five and he climbed into my bed for the first time or back when the first murder he committed was…_ Reid thought to himself before deciding to start at what brought him to Las Vegas. “Well.. Umm… While it is true that I came here on a case, I was going to have to come back to Las Vegas anyway.”

Diana furrowed her brow, “What do you mean?”

Reid huffed, “D-dad took out a lawsuit on me for the old house and—"

“You still have that thing?” Diana interrupted, “I told you when you bought it from me to just get rid of it.”

“I know.. but I wanted to keep it for when.. you…” Reid’s words died out, but Diana knew what he was trying to say.

“Oh.. Spencer. You know that probably won’t happen.. Which is fine. I do like it here… Besides, I was never a fan of that house. I told your dad after that boy went missing in the neighborhood that I wanted to move but he said no. The day after the boy was reported missing he started to install that cement firepit in the back yard.” Diana was still talking but Reid had tuned out. His eyes went wide, and he looked over at Hotch, who didn’t seem to understand what Reid was shocked about.

“Mom, mom.” Reid interrupted what she was still talking about, “I need to go, I—”

“No. You need to tell me what is going on Spencer!” Diana was starting to panic again, “I need to know! Are you in some type of trouble? Do you—”

“Shhh, mom. It’s alright.” Reid said, soothing his hand over her back. “Let me go talk to Aaron and I will meet you in your room, okay?” Diana reluctantly got up and moved to her room while Reid went over to Hotch.

“What is it?” Hotch asked

Reid looked deep in thought “William put in the cement fire pit in the backyard the day after Riley went missing..”

“You don’t think—”

“Yes. I do, Aaron.. I think he is buried in my back yard..” Reid said and Hotch was already pulling out his phone.

“Yes, this is Agent Hotchner. I need to speak to the head of the search team at the Red Rock Canyon National Conservation Area… Hello, this is Agent Hotchner. We met the other day with Dr. Spencer Reid and Agent Morgan… Well, we have a new lead.” Hotch covered the phone with his hand, “Spencer, what is your old address again?”

“314 Woolridge Lane” Reid quietly supplied and Hotch relayed the address to the team leader on the phone before telling him to dig under the fire pit and hanging up. “Can you please tell the staff that I am in my mother’s room? It’s room 4B.. if you could.. uhh.. wait outside the door for me.”

“Of course, Spencer.”

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Spencer joined his mom in her room, sitting beside her on her bed. There were several books laying near the foot of the bed and Reid picked one up, absently flipping through it. “Some of the best memories I have as a child involved you reading to me.” He said with happy nostalgia written on his face.

“I remember.. I would read to you for hours, long after I told you that we would need to stop. You always soaked in the words, never not paying attention. You really were a perfect little boy.” His mother said, reaching up and rubbing her hand over Reid’s bruised cheek again. The room was quiet for a moment before Diana finally asked again, “Please, Spencer. Tell me what is going on.”

Reid took a deep breath and just blurted it out, “Dad is dead.”

Diana’s face changed from a mix of confusion and fear to sadness. “No… How? When? I—I don’t understand what this has to do with your face… I—” Diana’s words died out.

Reid was at a loss. He didn’t want to lie to his mother anymore. She deserved to know the truth, but he wasn’t sure if she could handle it. “Well.. My team came to Las Vegas to investigate a series of murders that happened over the past 20 years… Little boys, 6-10, had been found sexually assaulted and strangled to death in the Red Rock Canyon National Conservation Area..”

“I don’t understand what that has to do with your dad’s death..” Diana said. She looked increasingly nervous and was holding herself around her waist like Reid does when he is anxious.

Reid sighed, “D-dad was involved because… uhh… He was the unsub.. I mean, the bad guy..”

Diana stood up, “No! You can’t be telling me that your dad and my ex-husband murdered children! He would never. You have no proof! And what does any of this have to do with the bruises all over your face?!” Diana was becoming erratic but that was understandable.

“He did this,” Reid said, looking away.

Diana sat back down and reached out to touch Reid’s hand. “No.. No, Spencer. He hurt you? I—I don’t understand… Why?”

“I—He—uhh…” Reid started to stutter out. He felt like breaking down in tears.

“Please, Spencer. Just tell me..” Diana said as the worry for her son was greater than the care about her ex-husband’s death.

“He.. Uhh.. He kidnapped me.. He wanted me to be his again.. like when I was a kid…”

“Spencer…” Diana nudged him to keep going.

Reid couldn’t hold in his tears any longer as he started to cry silently, hiding his face with his hands, “He.. He used to touch me, mom…” Diana threw her hand over her mouth. She wasn’t sure what she was expecting but that wasn’t it. “He would hurt me… and rape me… it happened for years up until he left…”

“Oh my God… Spencer… My baby.. Why? Why didn’t you say anything to me?” Diana said, walking around to the side of the bed Reid was sitting on but not touching him yet.

Reid’s crying picked up, “He said he would hurt you… I couldn’t let him. I just couldn’t let him..” 

Diana stepped forward, wrapping her arms around her son, and holding him close to her chest as he cried. “I—Thank you my little Crash… You are too pure for this world.”

Reid pulled back from the hug slightly, just enough to look up at his mom’s face. “You’re not mad?”

Diana shook her head, “Not at all, Spencer. I am grateful for you taking care of me when I couldn’t take care of myself.. Really when I should have been taking care of you..” She placed a motherly kiss on Reid’s forehead. “Now, keep talking, tell me what happened.”

Hotch, who was sitting outside of the door in a little chair he pulled from the day room, listened as Reid told his mom about William kidnapping him, how he made him call Hotch, how he raped him and how Hotch killed William, saving him. He listened as Reid and Diana cried together. He listened as crying turned into apologizing and praise from both Reid and Diana.

Hotch lost track of time as he sat there. He stopped hearing the mother and son, but he wasn’t going to disturb them. He was reading a magazine he found on a shelf nearby when a nurse came up to him, “Umm sir, it’s time for Diana’s lunch. Do you know if she is ready?”

“Oh, she is in with her son. I am not sure..” Hotch said, checking his watch. He had been sitting there for about two hours.

“Can you check, please? I would hate to disturb her. She doesn’t get visitors often.” The nurse said and Hotch nodded, standing up.

The door to Diana’s room was cracked, and he gave a small tap while announcing himself before pushing the door open. Only when he got closer could he hear Reid’s quiet voice.

“Nor of wight more woeful in the waves of the ocean; Yet I ’scaped with my life the grip of the monsters. After that escape I drifted to Finland. Weary from travel. Then the waters bare me. To the land of the Finns, the flood with the current, I have never heard of your doing any such bold deeds. The weltering waves. Not a word hath been told me.”

Hotch listened as Reid spoke quietly to his mother, who had fallen asleep on his chest. He recognized the epic poem Reid was reciting from memory as one he had to read in college. _Beowulf I think.._ Hotch couldn’t help but smile at the sight in front of him as he listened to Reid’s soft words, watching him gently soothe his mother’s messy, frail hair. Reid’s love for his mother knew no bounds. He just got finished telling her the horrors that he had to face but is now soothing her.

As Reid’s eyes never opened when Hotch was in the room, he simply backed back out and cracked the door shut again. He found the nurse that approached him, told her that Diana was resting, and she said she would let her rest for now and to let someone know when she was awake. Hotch quickly stopped in the day room and grabbed a book from the communal bookshelf and a cup of coffee by the nurse’s desk before returning to his seat outside of Diana’s door. He pulled out his phone, which he had muted, and found several missed calls from the search team’s main number and Morgan. As he didn’t want to talk about the case where others could hear and he didn’t want to leave Reid, he sent Morgan a text.

_To: Derek Morgan_

_From: Aaron Hotchner_

  * _I am still at Bennington with Reid. The search team should be digging up the fire pit in Reid’s old backyard. What is going on?_



Morgan texted back not even a minute later.

_To: Aaron Hotchner_

_From: Derek Morgan_

  * _Is he doing okay? Did he tell her? And they had to get a permit to dig up the yard, so they just started like 15 minutes ago._



_To: Derek Morgan_

_From: Aaron Hotchner_

  * _He told her. Now he is reading her some Old English epic poem from memory. I am going to wait with him until he is done visiting. Keep me updated on the search._



It was about 20 more minutes before Morgan texted Hotch back.

_To: Aaron Hotchner_

_From: Derek Morgan_

  * _They found Riley._



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only one more chapter left. I was going to wait to post this one until I was done with it all but I got impatient. It should be done in the next day or so, hopefully anyway.  
> Comment, please! I love you all!


	22. Stressed Out

It was about two more hours until Reid and Diana emerged from her room. Hotch, who had drifted off in his chair, jumped slightly when he heard the door open.

“Oh, Aaron. You are still here. Thank you.” Reid smiled brightly at the sight of his boyfriend.

“I told you I would wait, so here I am,” Hotch said before turning to Diana. “It is a pleasure to meet you again, Ma’am.”

Diana narrowed her eyes, looking over at Reid before looking Hotch up and down. Then she reached out her hand for a handshake, which Hotch quickly took. “Thank you for taking care of my son,” Diana said. Her voice was uneasy, and it was clear that she still didn’t trust Hotch, but it was a great start.

Reid said his goodbyes to his mom, with the promise of seeing her again before they left town. Once they were both in the car Reid leaned his head back on the headrest and huffed. “That was hard.. I am glad you were there. Thank you again, Aaron.” Reid said before catching eye of the time on the dashboard. “We were there for hours? Oh no! We should have been working. I am so sorry. I—”

“Shhh, Reid. It’s fine, really. The team has been working. Actually, I have news.” Hotch said and Reid looked up. “They found Riley’s body under the fire pit.”

Reid blinked a few times as if he were trying to process what he just heard. “I—Wow.. Okay.. I guess that is a good thing.. Riley’s family can have closure and Riley’s body will be put to rest..” Despite the calm in Reid’s voice, a few tears ran down his cheeks. Hotch reached out and held his hand, letting him gather his thoughts. Right before Reid was about to speak again, his cell phone rang.

He took his phone out of his messenger bag, narrowing his eyes at the unfamiliar number before answering, “Hello.”

Hotch could vaguely hear the person on the other side of the phone. _Hello, my name is Mark. I am calling from Las Vegas Mortuary Services and Funeral Home. Is Spencer Reid available?_

Reid looked over at Hotch, looking confused before saying, “Speaking.”

_“Oh, hello Spencer. According to my records, you have been put in charge of dealing with William Reid’s funeral services. The Las Vegas police just informed us that they no longer need William’s body for their investigation so—”_

Reid interrupted the man on the phone, “Hold on, why am I in charge of dealing with his remains? Doesn’t he have a will? I have not heard from his executor about this.”

_“Yes, his executor tried to call you earlier but didn’t get a response. From what he told me, you have been put in charge of his remains and all of his property. You will need to contact the executor for more information but—”_

Reid cut him off again, “That bastard..” He whispered to himself, if the man on the phone heard him, he didn’t say anything. “Fine. Burn him.”

_“Burn him? You mean cremation?”_

Reid was visibly angry, “I know what I said and what I meant. How soon can it be done?”

 _“I can get the cremation services to get it done by the end of the day. What type of urn would you prefer?”_ The man on the phone was most likely used to dealing with upset family members as he held his patience.

“No urn. Just a bag is fine.”

_“Well.. I must insist that you get some sort of urn—”_

“No.” Reid cut him off yet again. “If it is an issue of me not paying for an urn then I will buy one and you can donate it to someone who cannot afford it but I am not going to have him put in something with care. The bastard gets a bag. Now, I will be by first thing tomorrow morning to get it. Is that all?”

 _“Uh.. Yes. Thank you, Spencer.”_ The man said and Reid quickly hung up.

Reid flipped through his phone, looking at missed calls and voicemails before playing one on speaker. _“Hello, I am calling for Dr. Spencer Reid. I am the executor of William Reid’s will from Summerlin Law Group. If you could call me back at—”_ Reid stopped the message and buried his face in his hands.

Hotch, who still hadn’t started driving, rested his hand on Reid’s knee. “Talk to me, Spencer.”

Reid leaned back, placing his hand on Hotch’s. “I am just tired. I want this to be done with and like some sick punishment he made me in charge of his afterlife arrangements..” Reid said, before a look of determination swept over his features. He looked like he had a plan. “Can we go back to the hotel? I have some phone calls I need to make.”

“Sure thing, baby.”

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The two men picked up lunch, despite Reid’s complaints, and headed back to their hotel room, where Hotch harassed Reid until he ate at least half of his meal. Once Reid was done, he made his way to the bathroom but when he came out he was wearing one of Hotch’s shirts and just his black boxers. Hotch smiled at the sight, causing Reid to blush. “I—I hope you don’t mind.. I was just uncomfortable and—”

“You look great. I love it when you wear my clothes.” Hotch cut him off. He wanted to wrap him up in his arms and kiss him like there was no tomorrow, but he knew Reid wasn’t ready, so he just stayed at his seat at the table. He watched Reid grab his messenger bag and sit down next to him. Reid gave him a loving smile before grabbing his hand. He held it for a moment then pulled it up to his mouth, rubbing the slightly rough but warm skin of Hotch’s hand on his lips before placing a small kiss on the back of his hand, then letting go. Hotch’s smile grew; it was a start.

Reid got to work, pulling out a notebook, pen, and his cell phone. His first phone call was to the executor of William Reid’s will. “Hello. This is Dr. Spencer Reid. I received a phone call from you.” Reid said once someone answered.

 _“Oh, hello. I am Max Wells. We need to get together in the next few days in order to talk about your dad’s will.”_ The person on the phone said.

“No,” Reid said flatly. He was clearly in a bad mood. “I do not wish to meet with you. Just tell me what he left and what I need to do.. please.”

_“Well, sir—”_

“Don’t call me that,” Reid said quickly, interrupting the man.

_“…Dr. Reid.. I have several papers I need you to sign in order for you to take over your dad’s bank accounts and property.”_

“Then I will need you to send someone to my hotel with the paperwork.”

_“I can’t do that. We don’t have the resources—”_

“Whatever amount of money he set aside for you to deal with his will, double it. Take it out of his account. I am at the Clearwater Inn, ask the front desk to call me when you are here. See you soon.” Reid said before suddenly hanging up. He made some notes in his notebook before he caught Hotch watching him. Reid sighed, “I know.. I am being rude… I just want this over with…”

Hotch nodded, “I understand. It’s nice to see you be assertive and strong-willed again.”

Reid laughed slightly, “We can’t all be stern all the time.” He said, making Hotch fake a strict glare.

While Reid waited for the lawyer to come to his hotel, he got to work on getting rid of his old home. He talked it over with his mom while he was visiting her, and she stated that she didn’t want anything that was still in the house, but it was up to him over what he wanted to do with it. After Reid learned that Riley was buried in the backyard, he made up his mind.

First, he called the University of Nevada in Las Vegas, where his mom used to teach, and he got ahold of the library and department for homeless students, telling them both that they could have free range of anything in the house but they had to pick the items up by the end of the day. He knew with the team finding Riley, they were pretty much done with the case and would most likely be leaving the next day. While it was just a few hours past lunch, they still had several hours of daylight to get what they wanted. The only rule he had was that they were not allowed to enter his old bedroom, out of fear they would try and take his old mattress or find one of his notebooks he had to write lines in.

Next, he called Morgan, who was still at his old house, wrapping up the search. He told him to make sure that the search team finished by the end of the day and took everything with them and that they didn’t have to worry about fixing the yard back. Being as it was still an active crime scene, he asked if Morgan could let the people from the university in, giving him the code to the door and alarm.

By the time he finished that, the phone rang to his hotel room, which Hotch answered. “Yes? Okay.” He said into the phone before covering it with his hand, “Spencer, would you like to meet him downstairs or have him come up?”

“Neither..” He said quietly before immediately saying, “Come up.. as long as you stay with me.. please.”

Hotch told the hotel worker on the phone that he could come up as Reid got up and slipped on some lounge pants. A minute later there was a knock on the door, which Hotch answered. “Hello, come in.”

Once he was inside the lawyer stuck his hand out towards Hotch, “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Dr. Reid. I am Max Wells.”

Hotch shook his hand but corrected him. “I am Aaron Hotchner, Dr. Reid’s boyfriend.” He gestured over to Reid, who was sitting at the table again, “This is Dr. Reid.”

The lawyer’s eyes went wide when he saw Reid. Hotch looked at the lawyer’s shock and then over at Reid and he understood it. Reid’s face was badly bruised, he was wearing Hotch’s large shirt that hung loosely over his right shoulder, letting the whip scar that wrapped over from his back be visible, and he was giving an awkward wave, which broadcasted the cuts and bruises around Reid’s wrist, not to mention the scars there as well. Reid didn’t seem to care though.

He moved a few things on the table and gestured to a chair across from himself, “Come sit. I would like to hurry this along.”

The lawyer preceded to sit down and go over the details of the will. Reid was inheriting William’s condo, car, and the money he had in his bank account which was a little under 40 grand. Despite the windfall, Reid was not happy. He made short work of getting the information about everything, signing the forms needed, and sending the lawyer on his way.

Hotch could see that Reid was in a foul mood and clearly exhausted but before he could say anything, Reid was on the phone again. Hotch didn’t want to eavesdrop but he was in the same room, feet away, it couldn’t be avoided.

“Hello, I need a demolition team for a two-story house in Las Vegas for tomorrow morning… I don’t care about the price… I will get the permits… Can you do it or not?... Yes, I will need clean-up as well… 314 Woolridge Lane… Great. See you at 9 am.” Reid said into the phone before hanging up.

Hotch looked confused, “Spencer? You are going to tear down your old house?”

“Yes.. Too many bad things happened in that house… I—I want to see it destroyed..”

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hotch called Rossi, hearing that they were almost done wrapping everything up, he moved to the bed and started to half-watch the tv and half-listen to Reid making phone call after phone call. It took Reid almost an hour to get the permits he needed to tear down his childhood home in such short notice. He threw around his title and FBI status, which was not like Reid, until someone gave in and approved the permits. Then he called a realtor, getting them to handle the sale of the plot of land his old house was on and the donation of everything in his father’s condo and the sale of it as well, with the promise to cut the realtor an extra percentage of the sale. He also called to have William’s car donated.

By the time the team started to shuffle in Hotch and Reid’s hotel room, dinner in hand, Reid was just finishing up his phone calls. The paper in front of him was covered with notes in Reid’s chicken scratch handwriting about what he was doing. “What’s up, Pretty Boy?” Morgan asked as he walked into the room with the rest of the team.

Reid jumped slightly, not noticing that the team had filed in the room. “Oh, hey Morgan. How did the donations go? Thank you for that by the way.”

“Good, kid. The book people took hundreds of books. They literally just rolled in there with a wheelbarrow and took out stacks of books at a time. I was surprised that they didn’t box them.” Morgan said, sitting down in the seat across from Reid at the table.

Reid let out a small chuckle. “Yeah, I told them if they wanted the books they needed to be fast and after I reminded them of who my mom is, they understood. She used to teach at the university and was famous for giving dozens of books on her syllabus. What about the department for homeless students?”

“Who?” Morgan asked before he remembered, “Ohh the furniture people. Yeah, I did a walkthrough before I locked up and they took almost everything. They didn’t take anything from your old room though.”

“Yeah.. I told them they weren’t allowed to go in there.. You know, the mattress.”

Morgan cringed slightly, “Ohh, yeah. Makes sense. Why are you clearing the place out though?”

“It’s set to be demolished tomorrow morning,” Reid said plainly, getting the attention of the rest of the team.

“What, Spence?” JJ asked in shock.

“I am tearing the house down.”

“But why pumpkin? You held on to that house for so long.” Garcia said from her spot on the sofa.

“Yeah.. I just… I want it all to be over. It sounds dumb but he died, and I want the house to die too. Everything that happened.. I just want it all to end.”

“Maybe you could just sell it? You would make more money selling the house than just the land.” Emily added.

Reid shook his head, “No. I have no interest in the money. The sale of the land is going to my mom’s medical care and I am donating everything I inherited from William, the money from the sale of his condo and the money left in his bank account after paying for the demolition is going to RAINN, Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network..” Reid said before quietly adding, “I could have stopped all this if I turned him in all those years ago.. maybe at least the money will do someone some good that I couldn’t..”

Hotch shook his head silently but the team stayed quiet. They weren’t sure what to say or what would even be appropriate. Gideon, surprisingly, was the first one to speak up. He knew better than to disagree with Reid. Reid knew the falseness in his statement, he was just upset. “That is good, Spencer. We are all proud of you.” He said looking over his reading glasses from his seat in the single armchair, making Reid smile slightly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final Two chapters! It was one but it was too long so now we have two.  
> Remember to Sub to the series so you can get the update when I start the next installment!  
> Thank you all!! :D


	23. Time to Say Goodbye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for self-harm, mention of rape

Dinner went just as well as the night before. Reid didn’t want to eat, and everyone made small talk, but this time Reid sat at the table next to Hotch and he couldn’t fall asleep cuddling him as the room filled with his friend’s voices. They all started to shuffle out, saying their goodnights and goodbyes to Gideon. JJ had mentioned that the plane would be ready tomorrow afternoon, a little after lunch so Gideon announced that he would be heading back to Caltech early the next morning. Soon the only ones left in the hotel room were Reid, Hotch, and Gideon. Hotch knew Gideon hung back so he could say bye to Reid in private, so he excused himself to the restroom to leave the two men alone.

Gideon and Reid stood by the hotel door, just being in each other’s presence. There was no need for words or touch. They both found it nice just to be around the other. Gideon and Reid had been through too much together, leaving a bond that went deeper than words. After a few minutes, Gideon huffed, “Spencer. I am sorry we had to meet again like this, but I am happy to have seen you again.. Will you keep in contact?”

Reid looked down at his feet before cracking a small smile, “Well I have always been a fan of letters.” He said, causing Gideon to smile as well. Before the two men said their goodbyes, Reid gave Gideon a distant hug, like the one the night before.

Once Gideon left and Reid shut the door, Hotch came out of the bathroom dressed in his pajamas. “Are you alright?” Reid just nodded and moved over to the bed, waiting for Hotch to join him before laying down. Reid quickly moved over, laying his head on Hotch’s chest and Hotch wrapped his arms around the young man, pulling him in closer. While Hotch was upset that he couldn’t kiss his boyfriend yet, not upset at Reid but the situation, he was glad that he was still comfortable being in his arms.

The two cuddled, running fingers through hair, dusting them over visible skin and whispering their love to each other before Hotch fell asleep. Reid, despite feeling so incredibly tired, couldn’t sleep. He laid in his boyfriend’s arms for about two hours before his mind’s nonstop racing became too much. His body felt so numb, but his mind wouldn’t give him a break. He climbed out of bed and moved to his go bag, pulling out the three books he packed and sitting on the sofa. He turned on the small light and started reading, trying to distance himself from himself.

He tried to read as slow as he could but within an hour and a half, he had finished all three of his books and was struggling to keep his mind quiet. He kept thinking back to the rape and torture he was put through by the hands of his father. To the feeling of his father’s hands on his body, his blood splashing his face, his dead body falling on his battered one.

Reid jumped off the sofa and quickly grabbed his cell phone that was on the table a few feet away before laying back down on the sofa. He opened one of the only apps he had, a news app. He hated reading on screens. For some reason, no matter the screen size or brightness, the screen hurt his eyes. He scrolled through news articles for over an hour, anyway, reading them quickly before moving on to the next one. That was until one made him stop dead in his tracks.

_“FBI Agent Kidnapped by Vegas Serial Killer.”_

Reid was sure his heart stopped. While he could have figured that the news caught wind of what happened, it is a whole different thing to see it himself. He knew he shouldn’t, but he couldn’t help clicking on the article. The first thing he saw was a photo of his father. He was in a pressed suit with a light blue background, most likely a photo he took for work. He quickly scrolled down to not have to look at the photo and to read the article instead.

_“The renowned Behavioral Analysis Unit of the FBI went to Las Vegas, NV this week to investigate a string of bodies found in the Red Rock Canyon National Conservation Area. A total of five sexually assaulted little boy bodies, ages seven to ten were found in the desert with the oldest murder being about fifteen years ago. While the FBI was investigating the murders, two more victims, Jacob Parker and Matthew Tubbs were found sexually assaulted with the bodies dumped on the conservation. The murderer, who we now know as William Reid, a lawyer in the Las Vegas area, was brought in for questioning twice before he kidnapped a member of the FBI, believing to be his own son, Dr. Spencer Reid. He—”_

At that, Reid lost it. His strength was gone before he could even finish reading the article, even at his reading speed. Reid was up on his feet, quickly but quietly making his way to the kitchenette drawer, pulling out the paring knife from earlier and all but running to the bathroom with it. He needed to cut so badly nothing else mattered.

Tears were already blurring his vision as he stood over the sink and looked down at his wrists. He had large bruises over both of his wrists. Purple and blue reminders of being zip-tied and held captive by his father. Powered with need, he pressed the paring knife into one of the bruises and slashed it across on his wrist.

Once.

Twice.

Three times before most of the bruises on the inside of his left wrist were gone. All that remained were bleeding cuts. He went to move the knife over to the bruises on his right wrist when he noticed how heavily he was bleeding from his left. He held his arm over the sink, letting his blood run down his arm and collect inside the sink. It was a grotesque sight, but he found it relieving. He felt his body start to relax with the newly released chemicals flooding into his brain. He put the knife down on the sink, no longer feeling the need to cut his other wrist, and watching the blood pour out of his body. The cuts were deep but not life-threatening and not deep enough to required stitches.

After a few minutes, the bleeding started to slow, and Reid’s exhaustion really started to set in. While he still had the energy, he made quick work of washing the sink out, washing the blood off the counter and knife, and finding a small first aid kit under the bathroom sink. He ran his wrist under the water, roughly cleaning the blood off before finding gauze and wrapping his wrist. He put the first aid kit up, double-checked for any signs of what he just did before leaving the bathroom. He put the knife back, slipped on a long sleeve shirt, and crawled back into bed with Hotch. There were only a couple of hours left until he had to get started for the day.

His mind had calmed down and the numbness he felt was gone but instead, he felt guilty. He knew he shouldn’t have cut, that he was better than that and that Hotch would be heartbroken when he found out. Tears started to pool back up in his eyes as sleep took him.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Reid woke up once again to the sound of his boyfriend getting ready for the day. He looked over at the clock on his side table, _7 AM.. Barely slept two hours._ He groaned and went to sit himself up using his arms and immediately felt a stabbing pain in his left wrist. _Damnit… I am such an idiot. I can’t believe I did that last night_. Reid thought, making sure Hotch was in the bathroom still before pulling his sleeve up and bandage back. The cuts were deeper than he thought and needed to be cleaned again but he had no energy to shower. He went ahead and climbed out of bed and quickly changed into day clothes, a black long-sleeve button-up with gray dress pants and picking a tie at random.

He was trying to tie his tie when Hotch stepped out of the bathroom, in clothes this time. “Good Morning, Spencer,” Hotch said with a sleepy smile.

Reid finished his tie, leaving it a crooked knot on his collar as he typically did before looking up at Hotch, “Morning.”

“You feeling okay today?” Hotch asked, soothing his hand over Reid’s bruised cheek.

“Just tired.” Reid said flatly before saying, “I need to pick up William’s ashes at 8:30 and the demolition team will be at the house by 9 am. Since it’s still early and the Las Vegas Mortuary Services and Funeral Home is just a few blocks, can you take me to go see my mom first this morning and say bye?”

“Yeah, sure. Do you want me to go inside again?” Hotch asked

Reid thought for a moment, “Actually, if you wouldn’t mind grabbing us some coffee while I visit with her. I have a feeling today is going to be long.” Reid said, wrapping his arms around Hotch and hugging him closely.

Hotch could feel Reid relax against him. “Only if you eat some breakfast too.”

Reid huffed but didn’t argue.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hotch dropped Reid off at Bennington before quickly picking up two coffees, two muffins, and two bananas. He planned on waiting in the parking lot for Reid but when he pulled back into the parking lot, Reid was standing by the front doors, so Hotch pulled up to the curb. “Why aren’t you inside?” He asked when Reid got into the car.

“She was having an episode, so I just said bye quickly. I am not sure if she will remember but it’s something.” Reid said casually, taking his coffee from the cup holder. “Thanks, love.” He said as he took a sip. Hotch didn’t miss the pet name. He couldn’t help smiling like an idiot. Reid had never used a pet name with him, but he knew Reid would hate for a big deal to be made out of it, so he didn’t bring it up.

Instead, Hotch handed Reid his banana and muffin, “Here, baby.” They sat in the parking lot for a few minutes eating before they needed to head to the funeral home. Before Hotch took off, he cracked his window and threw his banana peel outside.

“Aaron!” Reid said, surprising Hotch. “You can’t just litter!”

Hotch chuckled, “Really? It’s a banana peel, biodegradable.”

“That is still littering. Biodegradable litter or not!”

Hotch, laughing again, shook his head, “It doesn’t matter, Spence. It’s just a banana peel.”

Reid crossed his arms, “In Las Vegas, City Ordinance 9.12 prohibits the depositing—”

Hotch cut Reid off, “Okay, okay. I will take your word for it. Do you want me to go get it?”

This time Reid laughed, “No, I am just messing with you.” He said, smiling at the confused look on Hotch’s face.

Hotch pulled Reid in and kissed the top of his head. “You are lucky I love you,” Hotch said into his hair.

“I know, love.”

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hotch and Reid made short work of getting William’s ashes from a confused looking Cremation Tech. Reid, being a man of his word, bought a mid-priced urn on the agreement that it would be donated to someone that was unable to afford one for their loved one. Then he carried a small box holding a plastic bag that held his father out to the car, roughly throwing him into the trunk before the men made their way to Reid’s old home. Hotch wanted to ask what his plan was for the ashes, but Reid already looked so upset and he didn’t want to make it worse.

When they pulled up to the house the demolishing crew was already there. They had several pieces of machinery as well as a large dumpster. Reid went to speak with the leader of the crew while Hotch waited nearby. After making sure they had all of the paperwork they needed, Reid went back to Hotch, who was standing on the street, the closest to the house as they could get without being in the way.

Before the crew started the leader went back to Reid, “Did you want to do a quick walkthrough before we begin?”

Reid almost laughed, “Hell no. Destroy it.”

At that, the crew started.

Reid stood in shocked silence as a large, hydraulic excavator took the first swing at the roof of the house. He thought seeing his house being destroyed would be rewarding. That he would feel relieved but instead it just hurt. His heart physically hurt seeing his childhood house be destroyed. He watched with wide eyes as every minute passed. He didn’t even notice the tears running down his cheeks.

The crew took a long time taking the house down, but Reid never looked away. The team, having finished wrapping up the case, started to gather around as well but Reid didn’t notice as he was standing in front of them, not daring to look away.

His mind was racing with the memories of that house, but he was managing. At least until the excavator tore into Reid’s old room and gathered up pieces of it, including his old mattress, and moved it into the front yard on the ever-growing pile of debris. He couldn’t take it anymore. He didn’t even hear the shocked sound come from several members of his team as the blood-stained mattress landed on the top of the debris for everyone to see. Reid was too busy sinking his nails into the cuts he made the night before. He still didn’t look away as his nails reopened the wounds, relaxing him only slightly. Blood was starting to run down Reid’s hand and onto the pavement of the road, but Reid seemed oblivious to it.

The team couldn’t see what Reid was doing as they were still standing several feet behind him, giving him space to take everything in. Garcia was the first one to notice a small drip on the pavement below Reid. She walked over to Hotch, “Uhh, Bossman..” She said quietly, getting his attention, “What is that?” She pointed at the spot under Reid and Hotch automatically knew what it was. Blood.

He walked over to Reid, moving beside him, and seeing his nails digging into his cut-up wrist. “Spencer.. You need to stop that.” He said, moving forward and touching his arm.

Reid jumped violently, ripping his arm away and flinging blood towards Hotch but missing. “Stop! Don’t touch me!” He yelled without thinking.

Hotch just stood there, trying to remain calm. “Please, Spencer..” was all Hotch said. He had asked and begged Reid to stop hurting himself so many times, he was running out of ways to say it.

Reid snapped back to reality and pulled his wrist up to view the damage. He had reopened the scabs on all three cuts and caused them to be slightly deeper. “I am sorry… It’s just…” Reid didn’t finish his sentence, but he didn’t need too.

“Spencer.. Can you look at me?” Hotch asked, waiting for Reid to look up before continuing. “Don’t let him hurt you anymore. He stole enough, he shouldn’t get any more of your blood.”

Hotch’s words almost hurt as they were so true. Reid knew that he cut himself last night because of what his father did. That in turn, his father was still causing pain in his life. Hurting him and the ones around him. Reid took a deep breath. “You are right.. I am sorry..” Reid peeped out. It was barely audible over the sounds of the demolition.

Hotch shook his head. “No need to be sorry. Can I see your wrist?” Reid lifted his arm out. He had pulled his sleeve up slightly and his old bandage was pulled to the side, hanging on just a strand of medical tape. Hotch observed the wound with patience. There was not a hint of anger on his face, which made Reid feel better. Garcia walked over with a first aid kit from one of the SUVs and Hotch cleaned and rewrapped Reid’s wrist.

When he was done Reid leaned against Hotch, holding him around the waist as they watched the crew continue to work. They stood there for hours. They needed to get ready for their plane, but Reid was not leaving until the whole house was torn down. 

Finally, it was done. The house was nothing but a pile of debris in the yard, with most of it being in the large industrial sized dumpster.

Reid finally felt that sense of relief he was looking for when the crew started but one thing was missing. “Can you open the trunk?” Reid said to Hotch before moving to the car they drove. Hotch hit the button on the keys to pop the trunk open. Hotch was about to ask what he was doing but Reid started to speak again. “Can you help me?” He asked before walking on to the grass and up to the dumpster. The crew stopped working when they saw him.

Reid didn’t have to say anything else, Hotch understood what he was doing but the rest of the team was confused. Hotch silently interlocked his fingers and hiked Reid up on to the edge of the large dumpster before reaching up and handing him the box.

Reid ripped open the box, throwing it into the dumpster and holding just the bag of William’s ashes. He roughly tore the bag open and dumped the ashes into the dumpster where the remains of his old house were. Once it was empty, he threw the bag in the dumpster as well before hissing, “Fuck you” at the ash in the dumpster. Reid felt like an anvil was lifted off of his chest.

He moved to sit on the edge of the dumpster before Hotch helped him jump down. Reid tripped slightly which caused him to push into Hotch’s arms. Reid backed up slightly, staring Hotch in the eyes.

Suddenly Reid wrapped his hand around the back of Hotch’s neck and pulled him in for a kiss. It was short but passionate and much needed. Both men got teary-eyed at the action before Reid said, “Let’s go home, love.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE END :D  
> Make sure to subscribe to the series for the next installment, which shouldn't be too long.  
> Thank you everyone so much!  
> Let me know what you all think

**Author's Note:**

> Tumblr: <https://tobias-hankel.tumblr.com/>
> 
> Email: damn.tobias.hankel@gmail.com


End file.
